Author: Kilgoar

News

Soulja Boy Reveals Illuminati Association

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date October 17, 2012
14 Comments on Soulja Boy Reveals Illuminati Association

YPSILANTI, MI–Early Wednsday Morning, Soulja Boy announced his affiliation with the Illuminati while at a party with Lil Tunechi, Sabu, Nicki Minaj, Topiary, Barrett Brown, and many others. The new album “Souljanati” will explore his Masonic rites and explain the reason why Michael Jackson had to be removed from the fold.

Lil Tunechi and Soulja Boy celebrated by snorting a carefully-arranged hashtag-shaped line of the best Colombian Fishscale Cocaine, which they chased with a bottle of Robitussin. Jennifer Emick, the gracious host of this party and 33rd degree Illuminati Leader, immediately turned away all Souljaboy fans who didn’t bring her a generous offering of malt liquor, thus denying them entry into the Illuminati.

Ron Bryn arrived late, rambling to himself about Neal Rauhauser, and licked the table clean of all traces of cocaine. Later, he attacked several partygoers for their role, as he described, in “Adrian Lamo’s menacing Nazi sockpuppet network.”

Meanwhile, some guy named Shm00ptheGod had a really great jerk session and he didn’t even use lube this time.

The Evil Hierarchy of Reddit Moderators

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date October 13, 2012
8 Comments on The Evil Hierarchy of Reddit Moderators

Increasingly, all people are being turned into objects. This is more than a gender issue. This is the death of the Subject. Nobody has truly come to grips with the horrible alienation of Social Media. On r/creepshots, people have entered a sick feedback loop that we all know ends with ragdoll porn and sex doll necrorape fantasy. Sure it’s legal, but so is investigating the identities of the people who moderate it.[pullquote]”What kind of person would want to sit around and moderate Reddit all day?” ~ Viciously Raped Sex Doll[/pullquote]

Adrian Chen is a dickhead who constantly steals his ideas from Chronicle.SU, and Gawker is a piece-of-shit tabloid, but Violentacrez, a person who didn’t even take elementary precautions to protect his identity, cannot be doxed. Just because he’s your friend and he’s being attacked by a tabloid doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice the freedom of speech.

In this day and age it’s so common for meaning to be inverted by a small group of people who control media. Just look at the way Christians claim that abortion is an affront to religious freedom. Censoring Gawker in the name of freedom of speech is the same thing. Your bff, Violentacrez, might have been unfairly treated by someone trolling for tabloid hits, but is the answer really abusing your power to censor an entire media outlet? Why’d you even bother with the SOPA blackout?

I’ve had my run-ins with Reddit Moderators in the past. In fact, Chronicle.SU is banned from r/politics. By banning Gawker, a small group of people have ONCE AGAIN proven they are merciless tyrants.

Tags Adrien Chen, Freedom of Speech, gawker, reddit, sopa, Violentacrez

News Science

Curiosity Rover finds Fossil evidence of life on Mars

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date October 9, 2012
70 Comments on Curiosity Rover finds Fossil evidence of life on Mars

Here on Earth, the hole in the ozone layer is “bleaching” coral reefs, killing them in a process that turns them white.

HOUSTON, TEXAS – Tuesday, scientists at NASA were shocked by images of a Cnidarian fossil beamed from Mars. The Curiosity rover, which has been surveying an ancient riverbed, unearthed a bright white fossil which NASA’s exobiologists say appears similar to primordial coral reefs.

Coral reefs are formed by colonies of simple polymorphous invertebrates which lack organs. Angstrom H. Troubadour, spokesperson for the exobiology lab at Curiosity command, said, “This object could be anything from a piece of an ancient Martian coral reef to a previously undiscovered form of life.”

Other experts are critical of this announcement, calling it “premature,” but Mr. Troubadour maintains that this is sure evidence of life on Mars, adding “The object may not even be fossilized. If that’s true, it’s an incredible find because it would contain much more organic material to analyze. It may even give us a profound insight into why life on Mars died out.”

microscope-of-coral — This image, taken by the microscope on Curiosity, appears to be final proof of life on Mars.

Science has long held the probability of of extraterrestrial life to be incredibly high. This probability is so high, in fact, that this discovery does not come as any surprise to the community. Some churches, however, have already denied that this discovery could be possible. Pastor Fred Falwell of Liberty Baptist Church says, “Satan has placed this fossil, like other fossils on Earth, in order to deceive mankind and deny the truth of the Bible. There is nothing in Genesis about God creating life on Mars, so it is surely a deception of Lucifer.”

Despite some skepticism, this discovery has fired the imaginations of people worldwide, and some have even taken to the streets rejoicing in the fact that we are not alone. Environmentalists have taken this as an opportunity to preach about the frailty of life, and UFO enthusiasts have also hailed this discovery as evidence for their long-held beliefs.