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Entertainment Uncontrollable Patriotism

Prior to Leak, Snowden Played Whistleblowing Videogame

Whistleblow Auto V
Whistleblow Auto V hit stores late Sept.

INTERNET – In 1994, critics led by Tipper Gore called for the rare Adults Only ESRB rating of a controversial videogame that encouraged gamers to hack fictional government mainframes and turn over data for points.

Gore’s fears were not misplaced. New evidence suggests Snowden grew up playing certain games against all caution, such as Dissent, for Playstation 1, and Bureau Kombat.

With technological advances vastly exceeding the predictions of Murphy’s Law, gaming has evolved. Whistleblow Auto V gives players realtime access to actual top-tier government agencies using Antisocial Club, the in-game hacker interface connecting gamers to stocks, politicians’ emails and realtime Skype conversations to destroy political enemies before they can react.

As a result of exposure to the influence of violently helpful videogames, Snowden later downloaded what he could en masse, and hand picked the journalists he wanted disseminating it. He chose Laura Poitras because of her hyper-violent access to the mainstream press.

Poitras profited heavily from the Snowden leaks he stole while working as a contractor for the CIA. And as far as Poitras goes, the US Government doesn’t know whether to prosecute her for publishing leaks, or to turn her into the poster child for American capitalism.

As long as The Truth sells, people will buy it. What would we do without access to absolute reality the mainstream press is selling? What would you do without an imagined baseline of morality? What would we do with the truth?

These are all questions Whistleblow Auto V purports to address under the guise of “entertainment.”

Looking forward

New fears of youth organizing have arisen of EA’s proposal to develop Sim Militia, which EA said will be released in a painful series of full-priced DLC that slowly opens new territory and an innovative hate tree similar to the tech trees of Starcraft and Civilization.

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Reviews Video

Soda Shaq Drink Review Draws Praise From Dishonored Glenn Beck Camp and FOX News

Fox and Friends just about shit bricks.
Fox and Friends just about shit bricks.

INTERNET – The Associated Press is in a buzz over a controversial new review of Soda Shaq, the popular beverage that took the sugary drink market by storm over the summer. CNN called the video “reprehensible” while FOX News ran various clips from the 17 minute video on their morning show Fox And Friends, who praised the closing five minute reading of Glenn Beck’s bestselling classic The Overton Window.

Joey’s World Tour has yet to come forward with their promised shout out, but the undeniable fame of the second installment of The Internet Chronicle drink review of Vanilla Cream Soda Shaq is widely expected by critics to produce unique and satisfying results, including the possibility of a shout-out and Type II diabetes.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour recommends a tall can of Soda Shaq to assist in extended play throughs of the popular new murder simulator Grand Theft Auto V. “I’d even say that if you’re going to stay up all night checking in-game stocks, that you just have yourself a mini-fridge full of the shit,” Troubadour said. “It’s all natural, which, that’s just everything nowadays.”

SODA SHAQ VANILLA CREAM SODA REVIEWED

[pullquote]

“I’m Dr. Troubadour, and I approve this website.”

Dr. Angstrom Troubadour

[/pullquote]

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur
Real doctor

Dr. Troubadour is a real doctor committed to improving well-being and sense of self. Dr. Troubadour, who has your best interests in mind, does not want you to worry about the small stuff. He does not want your money. He just wants you to drink Soda Shaq and chill out, dude.

Dr. Troubadour has helped out on a lot of abortions and is usually pretty cool about it. He does not look his customers in the eye during the process, but sometimes it can’t be helped. He won’t tell your friends or family what you did, and he tries to keep it to himself.

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Video

Top 10 Norm Macdonald Stories Ever Told

Norm MacdonaldNorm Macdonald appeared recently on Conan O’Brien to tell the Moth joke. Not surprisingly, it made the reddit frontpage.

Norm is probably the funniest guy not on television. He was kicked off Saturday Night Live for not being funny enough (explained in a video below). Then, the show started to suck so they asked him to host it less than two years later.

He’s had a few shows get cancelled because he just doesn’t belong on TV, where everyone wants to make him do their thing. Truth is, Norm is as much a comedian as he is a storyteller. Here are some of his stories, starting with the moth joke which aired on Conan the other night.

The moth story

Norm’s Bob Uecker story

http://youtu.be/9wOyTGfa6eo

Norm makes light of Steve Irwin’s death

Norm tells a story about his dad catching him smoking weed

Norm riffs on racist remark by “Dog the Bounty Hunter” (audio)

Norm talks to Miller and Spade about George Michael getting caught having gay sex in a public bathroom

Norm tells his hypnotism story

Norm gets fired from SNL (audio)

And kicked out of NBC studios. He used to do Weekend Update, but they wanted it to suck so they fired him. Here’s Norm hosting the show less than two years later

Norm’s story about playing Scrabble with Harold Delaney from Vancouver

Norm tells the story behind legendary Bob Saget roast (audio)

Norm sums up what it’s like to write any kind of satire. This story reveals how Norm pioneered cyberbullying, the torch we carry today