Internet ChronicleI am the hatest
“Do you know what’s going on in our country?” asked 20-year-old fagatronic nimrod Dale Shelton of Roanoke, Va.
Shelton said he is fed up with the direction American politics are heading. He said the decisions being made at the top affect everyone, including children.
“They’re raping our rights,” Shelton said, “like we raped the lands of the Native American Indian Redskin Savages.”
Shelton was later discovered to be a rapist with no actual opinions about anything.
Get it together, Shelton.
The drone program is here to protect your children from terrorism, and serve this country. Do you want your precious, innocent child to be abducted and groomed into a Punjabi-loving terrorist? Or do you want little Timmy to grow up to be a god damn PATRIOT?
Ask yourself, America, if you wouldn’t be satisfied to exchange a little freedom for the terrorists for the added benefits of security for you and your loved ones. Live without fear of terrorism, America, for the US Government is here to help you get over those fears.
We will force you to love us.
American forces are waiting outside your door, and they’re demanding that you let them in, to help you. Let us help you. Won’t you please donate your dignity for just pennies a day to assist YOUR GOVERNMENT in helping you? Help us help you find peace in a perpetual state of holy war against us. The Jihad is upon us now, more than ever before, and you have a unique opportunity to “change” the world for the better.
Invite change into your home today. Register yourself online. Donate your guns to the local police department, so we can turn them on the true terrorists, you.
American lives are at risk, and you can help us put a stop to the influx of unAmerican activity going on in this country because of people like Mexicans, A-rabs, and other breeds of sand people we could all live without. America, why didn’t you listen? You never listen…
This is your final warning.
“I mean. What. Did you masturbate those kids out at the last minute?”
NEW YORK — Fans mourn the loss of Nickelodeon starlet Amanda Laura Bynes, who died early Wednesday morning at her home in New York. Bynes was widely recognized as the inventor of the Internet abbreviation “lol” – or laugh out loud.
Bynes was pronounced dead at 3:27 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as suicide. She was 27.
Bynes publicly defended herself against allegations she was kicked out of gymnastics, and claimed to have an eating disorder.
Bynes spent her final weeks estranged from her family, stating via Twitter, “I don’t speak to my parents anymore.”
Because no will was entered into the public record, Bynes’ legal fund is being returned to Viacom. The money was originally distributed to attorneys representing Bynes to protect her name from libel.