Recovered from a drug sales forum on the dark web, this advertisement for click fraud promises artificial clicks on your ads, and more money for publishers. In this image, the Lebal Drocer company name and logos are plainly visible.
MUANG NGOI, Laos—Terry had come to see. The air turned sweet. Soon it would be nightfall. The forest was a canopy of shadows and rising tension, the awakening of howling beasts. Terry had driven across the country to reach this remote river village, and now he was finally here, looking to the top of the hill, ready to confront the person he believed had fraudulently clicked more advertisements than anyone in Laos. In the distance, he could hear them: dozens of mice clicking.
For nearly two months, Terry, 64, an American counter-trafficking agent working with various government agencies around the world, had tracked the source of this fraudulent clicking activity to a small hut in southeast Asia registered to an obscure publishing magnate, a man named Raleigh Theodore Sakers.
Authorities say the underground click farm would have never been discovered, if the site’s owner, Raleigh Theodore Sakers, had never started his side hustle:
“They were solving captchas on the side.
Lt. Raymond “Ray” Terry, FBI Investigator
Ya dig? Raleigh had them kids working non-stop 16-hour days, seven days a week.
Their tiny hands, he said, make it easier to see the screen, which helps them click faster. The children do not know their families.”
Repeat Offender
Dr. Angstrom Troubadour is listed in a formal complaint where Lebal Drocer, Inc. was accused of operating a fake news, disinformation camp.
Terry says the above image is a closer approximation to the reality of work on a Lebal Drocer clickfarm. Standing in stark contrast to the club-like atmosphere being sold in the advertisement, a Lebal Drocer clickfarm is an un-ventilated cell where a single person is made to click, or touch, a battery of phones attached to a board, reminiscent of a switchboard operator’s station.
Children as young as the age of three are hunched over dirt mounds, like pitcher’s mounds with an iPhone for a plate, and they are being forced to peck on Temu advertisements while having no understanding of what they are doing.
“These children are working before they are even making memories,” Terry said. “If I wasn’t a cop, and I read books instead of watching MMA, I would say this is just like Brave New World.”
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, the scientist who famously designed a slightly curved, corkscrew tunnel for Raleigh Sakers to stumble through, said the media giant hired him to develop a social media mining technique that entertained the child like a toy.
“Lebal Drocer’s child mines would be addictive,” Troubadour said of Raleigh’s designs. “They cry when they are given their twice-daily break. They refuse food, and even toilets. These were the results of our experiment.”
Terry said that experiment stopped when a meme popularized the expression “the children yearn for the mines” and drew attention to the science before any product could take form.
“We was hot on ’em,” said Terry. “I smelled blood.”
But before he could reach the hut, all at once, the clicking stopped. When he opened the thatch door, the room still warm with the heavy presence of sweat and exhaustion, only a piece of plywood remained, with an iPhone charger, still plugged into the lone solar battery, powering nothing.
He phoned back to America, and had his assistant check all the official records. That night it was determined media mogul Raleigh T. Sakers has been dead for more than 25 years.
More and more people are grabbing doorknobs and touching their eyes, mouths, and noses, leading to deadly infection. “Spinal Meningitis” is not just a cool Ween song, it’s also a cool and dangerous disease, and new cases are on the rise, says Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, Fellow at the Infectious Diseases Institute in Lebal Drocer Falls, Minnesota.
Troubadour says spinal meningitis is not that serious, and that there are painful and expensive treatments for it, should such a need arise.
Real Doctor :)
“Hi, I’m Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour. So you fucked around and got your spinal fluid infected?”
Not to worry. Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals offers a series of low-cost, high-pain injections, and high-cost, painful injections. A solution for every patient/customer!
Buy my stuff, and learn what sick really means.
—Dr. T
The Inmate Office of Internal Investigations have cleared themselves of any wrongdoing.
Tucson, Ariz.—A group of Federal Correctional Institution inmates has been cleared of wrongdoing in two internal investigations into allegations of misconduct against the group and the key figure who stabbed Derek Chauvin, the Minneapolis police officer convicted of murdering George Floyd, a source on the inside told Internet Chronicle on Saturday.
The cell block inmate leading the investigation has also recommended that his accusers themselves be investigated for making false statements.
It is the second investigation in two days involving Inmate #3615446 following the incident with Chauvin in which a sharpened toothbrush entered the officer’s body while in inmate custody during an inmate-involved stabbing.
Inmates acted quickly to perform life-saving measures on Chauvin. One man, who was not authorized to publicly discuss details of the attack and rescue, spoke to Internet Chronicle on the condition of anonymity.
“I saw he was bleeding from the neck,” the inmate said. “Because Blue Lives Matter, I could not let this man go out on my watch. Using one knee I applied nine minutes of life saving pressure to the airway and jugular vein.”
He said other inmates were outraged.
“One guy said, ‘Get off him. You’re saving him,'” the inmate told Chronicle. “I was just chillin. I said, ‘No I’m not.’ I knew that honkey was breathing.”
Chauvin’s tweeting is the second high-profile attack on a federal prisoner this year. In July, disgraced sports medicine asshole Larry Nassar was stabbed by a fellow inmate in Florida: An attack inmates said was his word against theirs.
Chauvin is serving a 21-year federal sentence for violating Floyd’s civil rights and a 22-year sentence for second-degree murder, putting him dangerously at risk of hurting himself again at an as-yet undisclosed date and time.
GOBLIN NEWS
