Categories
Health

Elaine Miller: lolcow turned trollcow, and Havana Syndrome survivor

London—420chan discord user Elaine Miller, or Trollcow – a lolcow sensation who spun her victimhood into a narrative of countertrolling – seems to have turned her life around, even if she still walks the same circles knee deep in the rotten troll-or-be-trolled quagmire where she resides.

Kiwifarms and its like-minded cyberstalker collectives are daunting arenas for the faint of heart. But that is not all Miller has overcome. For her, life in the crosshairs was both figurative, and literal.

Within the last few years Miller claims to have suffered – and recovered – from the devastating effects of Havana Syndrome, a psychological and physiological sickness whose effects were first experienced en masse by American embassy workers in Cuba.

Microwave and other directed energy weapon attacks can stop the heart, according to research by the Internet Chronicle Institute of International Espionage in Northern Virginia.

Who targeted her and why, as well as the aftermath, fallout, and lessons learned would have been up for discussion on the Sept. 2 episode of Hate Radio AM. Unfortunately, Trollcow went dark and was nowhere to be found at the time of airing.

With Miller effectively silenced, the program would have to continue without her invaluable input and experiences as a targeted individual surviving, and recovering from, the mysterious Havana Syndrome.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE

Elaine Miller has been found.

She was sleeping. Upon waking she floated effortlessly into Studio Hate on a pillow of howling rage. In her chronicle.su in-depth exclusive, Trollcow recounts life with Havana Syndrome, Josh Moon of Kiwifarms, the tragic and mysterious death of Martin Skinner, and the strange, still-unexplained medical devices the two were made to wear.

Categories
Technology

AI logs keystrokes by sound alone, putting noisy mechanical keyboard users at greatest risk

Even the Silent Reds are decipherable through artificial intelligence, according to a new paper by a team of researchers from British universities. Their paper on acoustic side channel attack, released last week, says AI can identify keystrokes with 95% accuracy through sound alone.

In the study, experimenters correctly identified keystrokes on a MacBook Pro, overheard through a nearby phone, 95% of the time.

Advertisers from Lebal Drocer, Inc. have already begun using the new technology to learn more about their customers through keystrokes than they ever learned overhearing conversations through the microphone about toilet paper.

Chief researcher at the Lebal Drocer Institute of Consumer Studies, Albert H. Troudemaeier, said he was able to get his colleagues’ passwords during a Zoom meeting.

“No matter the context, if there’s a keyboard singing, this software knows the tune,” Troudemaeier said. “With recent developments in microphone technology, as well as deep learning models, the rate at which we can determine what our customers want, need — what they fear — has expanded by analyzing the very content of their keystrokes, enabling us to serve them better than we ever could before. It’s very powerful, and uses existing hardware access everyone has already agreed to it in the terms of service.”

Laptops are ideal vectors for analysis because of their portability. People take their laptops to work in public spaces like libraries, whorehouses, and university lecture halls, where the sound of typing is recorded, unnoticed, by every other laptop in the room.

“You can hide your screen,” Troudemaeier said, “but you can’t hide that unmistakable sound. We will find you.”

This message is brought to you by the Lebal Drocer Super Surfin’ Keyboard. With our laser projected keyboard, no one will hear you cumming.
Categories
Editorial

Internet Chronicle trustworthy? Yes, chronicle.su is a trustworthy news source

Quickly now, before we start to look pretty.

Hello and welcome to the Internet website, Internet Chronicle.

What’s the matter? Real news wrong and the wrong news is right? Not here. This is the Internet Chronicle, where you are wrong, and we are right.

Shut up!

Shut your brain down and focus on the words coming out of this website.

The news happened today. Did you know that? The news happened. You read it here first. News occurred, today it did.

You trust Internet Chronicle. You know truth when you see it, and you trust us. You trust this website to tell you when news happens.

A glance at our publishing schedule tells you that hard news is rare, with very little happening in between that would connect the major events reported here.

The truth is that between these stories, the undocumented world is scary out there. To step outside the doors of Chronicle headquarters – not that we would want to – is to exit into a purple swarming quagmire. Reality is an electrical storm of disconnected, unrelated events happening in every possible combination, all at once. There’s no way to properly report that. Not only has it never been done, it has never been successfully attempted. People who have tried are regarded as crazy, having returned from a land of madness, being touched by chaos and, rather than communicating it, they become it.

gaddafi in shades
What the fuck are we doing way out here in the middle of the desert?

Like water, an algorithm moves information along the path of least resistance.

At the Internet Chronicle, we eat brunch on the beaches of Algorithm River, watching from our signature stillness as a stream of content flows by.

From that river we fish out stories at random, flowing not with the water below, but charged by the winds of the lightning storm writhing in the sky, where everything smells like gunpowder and neutrinos cut the open eye.

Therefore, because you might remember how StalinGPT emerged two weeks ago, or Elon Musk screwing sex dolls past their breaking point in May, when drawing conclusions from these stories and how they fit together, it is important to remember the entropy shooting around in the miasma outside. Laser guided cats are teleporting in from some kind of spaceship in geostationary orbit. We don’t actually know who that is or why they are doing it.

In light of all this outlandish shit, it is easy to forget that Tucker Carlson died. It’s crazy out there.

That is why you read Internet Chronicle. We are here to help you make sense of this stuff.

Happy Juneteenth everyone!