Category: Editorial

It means ‘opinion,’ dumbass.

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Categories
Hate

lowercase anonymous hacks bart police and releases personal information

lowercase anonymous always wins riots

hey fuckers we’re back. we are the evil anonymous who allows anyone to use our name. that’s right, anyone can be lowercase anonymous.

today, we hacked bart police and released their info because we don’t give a fuck. uppercase anonymous has denied they had anything to do with the hack, and they are right. it was all lowercase anonymous.

these fascists at uppercase anonymous think they can tell us what’s what, and pretend like lowercase anonymous doesn’t exist. if it wasn’t hacked by sabu, it wasn’t uppercase anonymous. if the protesters aren’t wearing guy fawkes masks, it’s not uppercase anonymous.

lowercase anons wear bandanas instead of that dumb shit from v  for vendetta.

lowercase anons hack anything they feel like and don’t deny it after a few media outlets say its bad.

we know the command came from sabu, he said “hey, guys, i didn’t have anything to do with hacking bart, so it wasn’t uppercase anonymous.” well who the hell was it, sabu? you know who. lowercase anonymous. ujelly? umad that you aren’t the only hacker who can use the name anonymous? no one knows the difference between lowercase and uppercase anonymous, and no one ever will. that’s because lowercase anon is the ultimate anon, and it cannot be destroyed.

u called the san francisco bart protest a riots and lowercase anonymous didn’t give a fuck. fuck it, we were rioting. we were the ones kicking down gates and not giving a fuck. we were the ones blocking traffic. we are lowercase anonymous and we’re always better than uppercase.

lowercase anons do not deny

lowercase anons do not care

lowercase anons expect stuff

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Categories
Editorial

Chronicle.SU surpasses Buffalo Beast as internet’s leading satire web site

Wednesday, internet analysts declared Chronicle.SU finally outdid the Buffalo Beast in hilarity, traffic, and overall writing quality. Therefore, I have decided to stop writing for the Buffalo Beast and instead work solely for Chronicle.SU. Any posts on Buffalo Beast under the name of Ian Murphy will be ghost-written by my staff of underpaid Haitians.

Numbers are everything

The overall crappy graphic design and obsession with Barrett Brown were probable reasons for the decline of the Beast, as well as our abject complaining about a Facebook ban that had very little effect on our traffic. As the Beast’s aging demographic slowly dies off from AIDs caused by extreme liberalism, the Chronicle’s young audience expands their minds by combining LSD with dubstep. The choice I’ve made was both obvious and personally fulfilling.

I’ve joined up with the Chronicle in hopes that I can teach them a thing or two about trolling. Obviously, they’ve forgotten what it means. I will admit that they did troll Anonymous quite effectively and must still enjoy the lulz to this day. However, there never seems to be a point to it, and good satire/trolling always has a point.

I hope to bring my experience to the Chronicle and make it a better place, instead of just a bunch of asshole trolls who don’t even know what they’re doing. Damn, it feels good to be writing for such a valuable and important publication.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Editorial

UBL Died for the Sins of Lebal Drocer

SCAPEGOAT!

Osama bin Laden

This is just a friendly reminder that if United States President Barack Hussein Obama happens to be reelected, this is why.

Osama bin Laden died as a martyr, but not his way. Bin Laden died at the hands of Seal Team Six in the name of everything he ever hated. Incidentally, he died to propagate that which Americans also hate.