Flint Citizens died in the thousands after drinking piss-colored public water
FLINT, MICHIGAN — Thousands of frozen dead bodies filled the streets of Flint, Thursday morning, as the cumulative effects of tainted, poisonous water proved too much for infants and the elderly.
Flint’s water is discolored and heavily infected with bacteria, and the cash-strapped city government chose a cheap solution, dumping deadly amounts of disinfectants into the water supply.
General Motors refused to use the tainted water in its manufacturing process because all the bleach in it would corrode the steel in its vehicles.
Activist Michael Moore said, “This is the first test run of a top secret population control program that aims to cull overpopulated areas that drain the American economy and harm its geopolitical stance. Flint’s citizens have become a target in the war on terror.”
Obama got stoned at midnight as Marijuana legalization went into effect
INTERNET — Just minutes after a new Washington DC law legalized recreational marijuana, President Obama lit up a fat Dutch Master packed with presidential-quality marijuana. The president rolled the blunt himself, accidentally tearing the Dutch Master and joking, “Maybe we should get some wrappers from Cuba! Hah!”
Leaning back in his chair, Obama exhaled a smoke ring expertly. Sensing the tense room around him, he offered the blunt to his staff, “Calm down everybody, take a hit. It’s legal now, we changed that law.” However, staffers in the room shuffled around uncomfortably.
One secret service guard reached out for the blunt, and Obama said, “No, not you!” but laughed.
“Just kidding, just fuckin’ with you.” Obama’s eyes were already bloodshot.
A representative from the American Christian Alliance told reporters, “Marijuana is the drug of choice of the House of Islam, and in Christendom we drink alcohol, the blood of Christ. We’re watching you Obama, and we see through your facade.”
Jillian Page, spokesperson for Mothers Against Drugs and Alcohol said, “Just think of the example that sets for our children, if the president is out there toking up. It’s an outrage, and I hope he is impeached.”
Pictured here is the Satanic God of Discord, Eris. #OpDeathEatres promises freedom, but its end goal is Global Satanism and Endless War.
INTERNET — Tuesday, Internet Chronicle received a startling leak proving beyond a doubt that the Anonymous-branded #OpDeathEaters, which on its surface promises to initiate a “victim-led” inquiry into pedophile networks at the top of governments, is itself headed by a Satanic cult which idolizes the pagan god of discord, Eris. Eris is known for causing a great war just to satisfy her narcissism.
#OpDeathEaters has only let a few hints of its Satanic core slip out to the public, utilizing an infantilized anime representation of Eris in its propaganda messages. More revealing, #OpDeathEaters continues to suppress any investigations into satanism, both protecting itself and its satanist allies in high office.
The Anonymous leaker told us, “It became clear . . . after some time that [Operation Death Eaters] did not care about its own stated goals. The inquiries were a bunch of hot air, and really they are just there to profit off of average peoples darkest fears. It’s not Anonymous. They’re manipulative Satanists, and the world has to know.”
The leaker’s incontrovertible documents reveal that Heather Marsh is using the popular distrust of both governments and pedophiles as a cynical exploit to further increase the influence of Satanism. Marsh was quoted saying to the leaker over an encrypted chat channel, “There will never be a victim-led inquiry and only a complete retard would buy that, but luckily, the idiots are in huge supply :D”
Those few who have confronted Marsh and her authoritarian rise to power have seen responses from #OpDeathEaters which further confirmed the critiques. #OpDeathEaters responded to accusations of gross populism by calling their critics both “attention seekers” and mocking them for their lack of popular influence. While never directly addressing very direct critics, adherents accused their critics of cowardice for using indirect communication, also known as subtweeting. As they flap their jaws endlessly, popularizing their inane and badly-wrought Satanic theories, their comparatively reticent critics are lambasted for running their mouths or distracting from the action of the non-existent inquiries.
Clearly, the Satanic idea that words can exercise magick influence is openly flouted by adherents of #OpDeathEaters, even as their pitiful attempts to rebuff critiques by throwing them back at the critics fail miserably. After all, #OpDeathEaters is named after a group of witches from the Harry Potter books, and Heather Marsh is a self-described witch. Thanks to the Anonymous leaker, people can now see that Satanism and even witchcraft is the central motivating force behind this deceptive and evil campaign.
