Category: Politics

A close look at celebrity corruption.

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News Politics

Hillary Chooses Bernie as Running Mate

Save the Republic
Save the Republic
Two true representatives to save the Republic – Bernie Hillary 2016

INTERNET — Bernie Sanders dropped out of the race when it became clear that his heavy losses on Super Tuesday spelled an end to any chance at the presidency.

Hillary immediately announced Bernie as her running mate and dug her heels into an increasingly left position. “Bernie Sanders has a point about Wall Street and Socialism. It’s a damn good idea, but it’s going to take more than one compromise.”

This marks the first time since the election of 1810 that a standing Secretary of State has run for presidential office with a senator runner-up as running mate.

“It is as if the stars spelled out the answer,” said one commenter, “Trump is already defeated. Fascism will fade forever, one election at a time, leading to full, all-out communism in the idealistic sense, and not as a repetition of the failed Soviet model. I saw it all laid out in the development of social organizations from Sumeria to the present day in a flash. Tens of thousands of tales foretelling Trump, and the glorious couple, united now, who will defeat him and cancel every one of his emanations.”

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Local

Family grieving after white officer unloads 16 shots into Tamir Rice ashes

“We perceived a threat.” – Cleveland PD Officer Timothy Loehmann

Cleveland police officer Timothy Loehmann
Timothy Loehmann: You know you fucked up when they blur out everyone’s faces but yours

More tragedy Friday as disgraced Cleveland police officer Timothy Loehmann is accused of firing another 16 shots into the ashes of a Cleveland boy he killed previously last year.

Loehmann, who is back on the job after shooting and killing 12-year-old Tamir Rice, in a bizarre coincidence has now shot Tamir’s remains in front of the grieving family’s home as the ashes were being transported.

Loehmann said shortly after the escort, he sensed trouble, and repeatedly demanded to see Tamir’s hands. Loehmann, perceiving a threat, then drew his sidearm and fired 16 shots into the urn.

“I gave him every chance, but I couldn’t see his hands,” Loehmann said. “All I seen was threat.”

But this was only the beginning of a new nightmare for Loehmann’s career. Tamir’s ashes exploded into a cloud of dust and gunsmoke, choking responding officers with scorched ashes. Loehmann watched as Cleveland officer Garrett Carner lay in the grass, choking on powder.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” Carner cried out, gasping for air.

Loehmann said he could not stand by while Rice continued to attack his fellow officers.

“You don’t mess with the Blue Line,” Loehmann explained. “So I reloaded, and resumed efforts to neutralize the threat this suspect posed to myself and fellow officers.”

Officer Loehmann is known for his leader-like command of courage under fire. Following his lead, Loehmann and other officers fired dozens of shots into the cloud, striking Carner twice in the guts as he lay sprawled out on the pavement.

Tamir’s ashes were charged as an adult and later found guilty of attempted murder of a police officer, and sentenced to death.

The Cleveland Parole Board or something issued the following statement:

Today we mourn Officer Garrett Carner who was shot and suffocated by a savage, terroristic black animal from the projects. We do not yet know how detention officers plan to go about injecting lethal chemicals into a pile of carbon and bone-dust, but we are committed to the safety of our officers and serving the law-abiding citizens of Cleveland, Ohio. We will stop at nothing.

“Brothers like us don’t live too long,” the Rice attorney said. “That’s why we have to write so many rap songs.”

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Categories
Politics

14-year-old Bitcoin broker braces for anarchy by 3D printing his own guns

“I injected it right into my fuckin’ eyeballs,” said Adam Goralski, a 14-year-old Roanoke, Va. native who recently became addicted to ideology. Adam said he used the Internet to administer his first doses of cyberlibertarian bitcoin paranoia.

bitcoin anarchocapitalist

“I just thought about all the freedoms we don’t have, pertaining to bitcoin, and Rand Paul was saying, ‘This Senate hearing is a meeting about how to keep young people from generating their own new forms of wealth,” Adam recounted. “He was talking about Bitcoin as the only true currency without any pretense of statist affirmation or any real assignment of value. Keep your hands off my Bitcoins!’ and I thought, that’s the truth. That appeals to my teenage sensibilities.”

Adam, who wears a t-shirt reading, ‘The Satoshi white paper is my Constitution,’ said he’s turned his friends onto the Bitcoin and, as a result, the value of the currency is already exploding – TO THE MOON! – in their young, feeble minds.

“Every trade is like a hit of my daddy’s cocaine,” Adam professed. “I get on there with my VISA giftcards, and I just go, go, go. Kids of my generation are always going, going. We’re pretty good old boys.”

Adam, who now listens to Alex Jones instead of faggoty schoolteachers, said he bought a 3D printer over Tor – a perfectly clean, Anonymous transfer – and has already downloaded his very first 3D-printable handgun from The Pirate Bay.

“See, the Constitution was a Bitcoin-enhancing document which basically said men could own guns, people as property, and even Bitcoin, the spending of which is a protected form of free, encrypted speech,” Adam said. “See, it’s free but it’s encrypted anyway, that’s how you know it’s protected speech. Don’t trust the government. Satoshi got it right.”

Adam, a member of the armed branch of the cyberterror group Electronic Frontier Foundation, said he’s on the fence about a new president, adding that he would opt instead for a form of anti-neoliberal anarchocapitalism where the value of all things are measured against BTC. But he’s considering a vote for Bernie, whose messages of Hope and Change he readily identifies with, as well as Bernie’s strong pro-war stance since joining the Democratic Party of Peace. Adam is, after all, a very smart boy.

“We’re just some pretty good old boys, though, in the end,” Adam explained. “And all we want is a lawless society where the tyranny of fiat currency no longer burdens True Capitalists like ourselves with its evil. And I think a vote for Bernie just might expedite such a collapse, because the people just won’t stand for it.”