Wonderful things can happen suddenly, and unexpectedly.
WHAMBAM, T.Y. Maam–A woman was treated with the utmost care and respect the other day, when law-abiding officers of the law grabbed a hold of her for yelling too loud near a strip mall.
Another woman had already come by and given her a cigarette, and was standing nearby when two officers approached.
“The Dollar General called and they said you’ve been out here hooting, and hollering and carrying on,” WBPD Deputy S. Lampig explained. “You been doing any drugs today?”
According to the only witness on the scene, the woman who gave her a cigarette, she said Mike “Big Boy” Traylor grabbed the unnamed woman, an older broad in her 60s, and was absolutely manhandling her.
“He jerked her up off the pavement by the arm, and he was shaking her around,” she said, now smoking the woman’s cigarette. “He was cussing her out, too. He said, ‘You get your effin ass in that car before I bust your gd brains out.’ I said you ought not treat that old woman like that. I said, ‘What if that was your mom?'”
He said, “Well, she’s not,” slammed his door, and drove away.
I threw my mom into the back of a police car. Witnesses complained, so then i publicly denied she was my mom. she said “my own son, a law officer, denying his own mother, and carting her off in a squad car.”
i looked at her in the rearview, and i said “your not my mom”
Garbled nonsense is fed into Officer Traylor’s earpiece, who is just a great guy serving his community
Big Boy wrote a statement for the media big dogs at Internet Chronicle, printed it out, and sent it by mail like it’s still 1957. Get the fire hoses!
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The Satanic Church of Biden, in Boones Mill, Virginia
BOONE’S MILL, VIRGINIA — Police drew a thin blue line across Boone’s Mill, early Friday Morning, as they raided the Boone’s Mill Church of Biden. Minister Whitey Teylor, who presided over a Satanic rape baptism in honor of President Biden, was shot on sight after police were heard shouting, “He’s got a gun!” Teylor survives in critical condition at Roanoke Memorial Hospital, where he is awaiting weapon charges.
Chief of Police Freddy Jaksov said during a pseudoevent that members of law enforcement are scheduled to enter his hospital room and place a gun in his hand, proving his fingerprints were on the murder weapon.
Refuse of Biden merchandise filled Boone’s Mill after police officers tore down cheap cardboard signs littering the church’s exterior, by driving through them in a department issued Mercedes-Maybach S 680. Several mysterious children were saved from so-called rape baptism at the hands of demonic Democrats. However, upon learning these children were illegal immigrants, police promptly and abruptly put them into cages, a practice that thankfully began under Barack Hussein Obama, but that the police nonetheless support.
“The police are animals,” Teylor said. “Cages are the only thing they know.”
Reverend Teylor is charged with “shitting up” Boone’s Mill, where people are already too ugly, following with an ordinance passed by the drunken city council late Thursday night. After the raid he is facing much more serious charges. He is facing 57 charges of conspiracy for the satanic communist pedophile network and 91 relating the the abuse and smuggling of illegal minors which, according to chronicle.su pediatrician Dr. Angstrom H. Trusmeboy, is not that many.
“I’ve seen a lot of trafficking,” Trusmeboy said. “There isn’t much demand for these ones, it’s a niche market, and he’s going to take up space here in my shop. Best I can do is a thousand and five, firm.”
Jaksov later told reporters, “If you find any Biden worshipers out here, report them to us at once, and we will raid their asses, with our batons. You know what they’re doing! We know what they’re doing. Let’s crack some skulls, January 6 style.”
Jaksov took the condom off his baton, and threw it on the ground at his feet.
[UPDATE: Fingerprints identified as belonging to Teylor were found on the murder weapon discovered in his hand by police who, by chance, found it on his person as it left their position into his right hand. According to sources inside the global collective unconscious, he is now fucked.]
INTERNET — Kyle Rittenhouse is cashing in on the media frenzy surrounding his murder trial, using the free publicity as a springboard to launch his own private security company.
The newly created company, Rittenhouse Security, is based around the idea of using legal loopholes to leverage lethal force on political enemies. In a brazen ad campaign, Rittenhouse Security promised “Dead libs or your money back.”
Hire Rittenhouse Security next time the libs come to town! By skimping on standard riot gear, we put our lives in danger, thus allowing us to use lethal force under Wisconsin state Facebook law. Don’t just protect your property, use it as bait to exterminate the libs! They’ve failed in life, have criminal backgrounds, and so do not deserve life. Take it away from them by calling us now. Dead libs or your money back.
By hiring untrained minors at minimum wage, equipped only with bargain-build AR-15s, Rittenhouse security hopes to undercut all other security business models. Professionals in the security industry registered mixed opinions, after the announcement on Saturday.
“This could be the big paradigm shift, the disruption that the security industry needs to move into the 21st century. Who says all that less-lethal gear and training is a good thing?” said Pat Barber, security guard at the Oklahoma City parking garage. “Hell, I’d take a pay cut if it meant I got to carry a gun like that. Sure, I’d work for Rittenhouse.”
Other industry professionals are more skeptical. Larry Garfield, riot control officer for Portland, Oregon said, “If we started working security along those lines, it wouldn’t last. They’ll wind up paying out the ass for legal expenses with all the murder trials, health insurance for all the PTSD. I just don’t think it will work out, financially.”
