Category: Uncontrollable Patriotism

DALLAS — John F. Kennedy Jr. appeared briefly in Dallas on Tuesday, as predicted by Qanon, and was seen waving to crowds from the sunroof of his bulletproof Cadillac before he was shot in the torso and carried off in what onlookers described as a black, deep-state ambulance.

He was smiling, “so happy,” and looked like he hadn’t aged a day in 22 years, said Maria Sabinski, 47, who showed up to witness the ‘Dead Kennedy’ come out from hiding.

JFK Jr. was expected to announce Trump’s presidency, dethroning Biden, and explain why everyone thinks he is rising from the dead.

“We heard a crack from the book depository, then two shots rang out from a grassy knoll,” she said, gesturing in each direction.

“His expression changed. He looked surprised, then pained, as he clutched a spot in his belly. They took him out of one black car and put him in another. Then they all sped off together, like a bat out of Hell.”

JFK Jr., originally believed by uninquisitive NPC sheeple to have died in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean in 1999, was expected to declare Donald Trump as president.

Mere seconds before the world-shattering announcement, he was brutally murdered from the old book depository building, a security blind spot that has plagued presidential motorcades passing through Dallas for more than half a century.

Barry Knudsen, core disciple of QAnon and Lieutenant Digital Soldier, told reporters, “We are all QAnon, we are the main characters in this story. Where we go one, we go all.” He gestured at the crowd of weeping fans, “You see these guys and gals here, they aren’t just sheeple hiding behind their computers talking shit, like demoncrats. Look at their faces, they really want to protect the children. They really love the children. They’ll do whatever it takes.”

All mention of the incident was scrubbed from social media. QAnon fans who shared screenshots of deleted posts quickly faced system crashes after which their devices would no longer boot and upon close inspection were wiped of all data.

Dallas Sheriff Harold F. Gloasen told reporters, “We had no reports of a shooting, of shots fired, nothing. There were no permits issued for a motorcade through Dealey Plaza, and certainly no murder case for the long deceased JFK Jr.”

A mother, who asked not to be named, was out shopping with her 1-year-old infant when she passed by the confusion.

“First I was like ‘are they saying the Pledge of Allegiance right now?’ I didn’t even want to walk by them, but there were so many people they were blocking the sidewalk,” she said. “That’s when I saw John F. Kennedy Jr. hanging out of a limousine. I just went ‘huh, I thought he was dead.’ Now I guess he really is.”

The Biden Administration refuses to acknowledge the high-profile assassination of a political leader that until now, was presumed dead.

Our prayers are with the Kennedy family as they attempt to find out which underground deep-state human containment facility is processing the corpse of JFK Jr., the Herald of Truth.