Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

Dr. Troubadour Accused of Running Fake News Boot Camp to Train Boys to Become Fake Newsmen

Troubadour is accused of amassing a child army
Troubadour is accused of amassing a child army.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour is being detained in a mobile diesel therapy unit en route to Cuthbert, Georgia in the Southeastern US, after documents tied him to a Lebal Drocer executive responsible for the stillborn deaths of hundreds of thousands of children in South Carolina, and who is sought in connection with an illegal “Fake News Bootcamp” where children are taught to write dangerous forms of Internet satire.

Georgia state authorities are seeking to question a prominent hate speech historian, Raleigh T. Sakers, who they suspect trained dozens of malnourished children to commit mass disinformation campaigns in their communities.

In addition to the defamed Lebal Drocer University professor Dr. Troubadour, recently released court documents accuse Sakers, the mysterious corporate executive behind the Lebal Drocer Uranium Waste Spill of 2011, of training children whose ages range from 16, all the way down to toddlers, to write lies, fabrications, and publish fake news under the guise of satire.

A Forced Product

Area man visually defines lost concept through ironic failure to do so

The purpose: To inflict harm by unleashing unrest, laughter, and disinformation upon the masses

Since the spring semester of Fake News For Fuck-Ups, Sakers’ students have come away jaded, sardonic, and world weary. Ready to attack our clean civilization.

“May you proceed into the world holding a mirror up to society. And may your mirror be concave, harness the power of the sun, and melt down your enemies with a fiery stare.”

–Plaque outside R.T. Sakers’ abandoned Cuthbert, Ga. office

Sakers, who is also accused of exploiting the poor and disenfranchised for personal gain, has absolved himself of all guilt.

But them Georgia boys was watchin’

Children are underfed and sent to bed without dinner, until they come up with something funny. | chronicle.su
Children are underfed and sent to bed without dinner, unless they write something funny. At a website where ‘mistruths are punished by mutilation or death,’ the kids walk a high wire between impressing their editors, and offending them with tepid trash.

Cuthbert Sheriff Richard Petty said, “We had learned the occupants were most likely heavily armed and considered satirical extremists.”

The court papers show that Sakers, author of the self-help series “Transcendental Man,” is heir to the  Lebal Drocer fortune, and hates fake news, as well as the so-called real news.

Georgia police executed a search warrant for Sakers and his estate after video surfaced of kids crying to be fed, while being forced to type on outdated computers in a hot crawlspace between two trailers.

Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

SPOTIFY DELETES ALEX JONES FOR HATE CONTENT

Alex JonesThe globalist music streaming service Spotify has removed episodes of “The Alex Jones Show” for violating its hate content policy, deliberately attacking Jones’ First Amendment right to Conspiracy as a religion.

“I was born into censorship. I was born being suppressed.” — Alex Jones

Emerick Jones is an American radio host and conspiracy theorist on Genesis Communications Network. He owns infowars.com, a trusted news outlet by Internet Chronicle, and he’s friends with Joe Rogan, after whom our weed is named. It’s a pure sativa, so you can achieve maximum mental potential. When used with Silverlung Technology, higher states of consciousness are unlocked, becoming accessible to the human mind.

President Trump described Jones’ reputation as “amazing.”

While many of Jones’ followers are virulent Holocaust deniers, Jones himself is a Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting truther, who denies the event and 26 deaths associated with it. He’s trolling!

Get it?

No official word yet as to whether Spotify will explain their decision to delete infowars podcasts, but insiders say George Soros has tentacles in every app on the Android Market and iTunes store.

“It goes all the way to the top.” — Anonymous

Categories
News Religion Uncontrollable Patriotism

Arizona Christians refuse to keep ‘toddler death family’ in prayers after tragic loss

“Fuck her. We’re pro-life.”

Hello Internet! I’m hatesec, and I am here to mansplain to you idiots a little story about dumb people. Okay, that’s the setup. Here’s your fucking story, and it goes a little something like this:

*clears throat* "First of all, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for coming..."
*clears throat* “First of all, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for coming…”

Dear Internet, stupid people sometimes let their Babies die in obvious, easily preventable ways. Why, just last week a young Arizona desert family let their larva babysac die after abandoning it in a hot car and then letting that car fall into gear and roll downhill, into an industrial greasetrap behind the Target on exit 57, just 45 miles from their home, which authorities say is normal in that area to drive that far to Target, which was weird because that sort of editorializing is not usually included in reports, but what the hell do we know?

Anyway, these mongoloids went on TV like they always do to register their grief to some pale, hungover, sickly-looking television reporter. But this time, Roz gave us something a little different. These Good People refused to pray for the godless animals who killed their little baby through negligent stupidity.

“We feel for them. We really do. We feel for ’em all. That baby dying stabs right into the motherfuckin’ heart of this community,” Shannon said. “But we just can’t keep them in our prayers. Their family – it’s just – you know… Well, they aren’t like us.”

The Davidsons next door also refused to keep the family in their prayers, but instead sent their regards.

“She had an abortion the year before,” Jeff Davidson said. “That’s just what she wanted anyway. It’s the same thing, right? I send my regards.”

Jeff operates the Davidson Family Facebook account, which a federal investigation recently found to have accepted money from CHRONICLE.SU, a website stationed in the Former Soviet Union.

The FBI believes chronicle.su is feeding money to well-meaning midwestern Facebookers in a bid to spread dangerous and subversive satire materials to unsuspecting readers ONLINE, through Fake News Media Outlets such as Facebook.com, Twitter and Google.

[Editor’s Note, doomsday preparedness edition: Internet Chronicle is rumored to be poisoning all our minds, and we must rise up dear citizens, and let us all be leaders against Her Tyranny, down with the so-called “glorious” and purportedly “infallible” CHRONICLE.SU. Let your nightmares become reality, with Extra Strength Terrormax PM. Take it once, and never fall asleep again.]

The Davidsons receive daily SMS messages from Raleigh Theodore Sakers, the recently defamed Internet Chronicle publisher who has been driven to live in a fortified compound beneath an abandoned missile silo. Sonya, Jeff’s wife or somebody named Sonya, showed us Raleigh’s latest message.

Ya don’t care to watch your baby, you just wanna go, go, go. Don’t care to — yeah she got an abortion didn’t she. Little Susie got an abortion. And that’s why Miley had to go. YOU CAN’T PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR KIDS, SU$AN. You abort one and keep another? You’re a little bitch, Susan, just like your mother!

Roanokers ‘weren’t happy’ with latest iMessage outburst

What was she?

When the local church asked the community to kneel and pray for the Smiths, people stood up instead, and turned their backs to the priest. They weren’t happy.

“Some people walked out, and a few stayed.” said Mohinster. “Some prayed, but you could tell by their posture they didn’t mean it. They was praying ironically.”

Susan Delaney’s girlfriend, Joyce Barker, sent her one final text before turning the gun on herself. In the message, she gets all hyperbolic and guilt trips Susan which is an understandably tired premise:

For Your Love, I would give you all I could.

For your love, I would give you all I knew. I would lay down on a bed of spikes and wallow in dirt, fire and piss. For your love, I would lay in the sewers and bathe in disease. But I won’t pray for your dead baby, because you are a baby killer, and religion is literally all that I know. IT’S ALL I CAN UNDERSTAND.

[pullquote]

“Just you wait!”

— Dr. Angstrom Troubadour

[/pullquote] So naturally everyone was really freaked out to begin with, Chronicle surveillance expert Dr. Angstrom Troubadour said, upon reviewing videotaped footage of the texting as seen through her bacdoor!d webcam from god only knows where, but you can buy it! It’s for sale. It will make an excellent episode of the news, just you wait buddy. Just you wait!

Anyway, a baby died in that story, but really what more can I say. They wouldn’t pray for those people. You read it here, first. Religion, on chronicle.su

This message is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Who is Susan, anyway?