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Dancing Outlaw Jesco White Dead at 59

Bandytown, W.Va — Fans mourn iconic West Virginia wild-man Jesco White, who died at his Boone County home after inhaling twin doses of lighter fluid and gas fumes Saturday. Fans received a rude awakening who believed White finally got clean following the successes of Jescofest, a festival held in his honor, and the most recent […]

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American Pickers Renounce Homosexuality

SAN FRANCISCO–After recent rumors of a long-term homosexual relationship were spread by rabid fans of Danielle Colby Cushman, American Pickers stars Frank Fritz and Mike Wolfe held a press conference to publicly renounce homosexuality, denying they ever banged more than once. “They just did it for the attention,” said Danielle, “But they really are gay. […]

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Paul McCartney to tour with Nirvana

NEW YORK–Wednesday Paul McCartney and Nirvana announced upcoming tour dates at the 12-12-12 benefit concert for victims of the oncoming Mayan Apocalypse. McCartney, who is rumored to have died in 1968, peeled off a mask to reveal he is an older version of Kurt Cobain. Angstrom H. Troubador, theoretical physicist, said that time reversals and […]