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Lebal Drocer board calls diversity proposal ‘unduly burdensome and kind of gay sounding’

lebal-drocer-dismisses-diversity-proposalThe company, like other big tech firms, has been criticized for being mostly male and predominantly white.

Last year, Lebal Drocer CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers praised a diverse workplace. He said diversity is “whatever, pretty good I guess,” adding that having colored folk around, and women, could improve the company’s image.

But Lebal Drocer’s board of directors opposes a new proposal to increase diversity among its white, cis male-dominated Alpha Management team at the top.

The proposal, submitted by Lebal Drocer shareholder Lequita McNority, would require an aggressive recruitment policy to change the company’s demographic makeup.

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“You can’t say anything anymore.”

Lebal Drocer

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The board rejected it, saying it is “unduly burdensome and kind of gay sounding,” according to an announcement sent last week ahead of its February shareholder meeting held each month in the basement of a Richmond, Va. gentleman’s club.

There are eight people on Lebal Drocer’s board. They are all white, bearded men, except for Lequita who got the job because she was “at one time, always down to fuck.” Her diversity proposal, the company says, sounds just like something a woman would do.

Lebal Drocer’s executive team, like many major tech and chemical firms, is united by a common struggle: being a white male minority in a crazy, mixed up world of political correctness.

Lebal Drocer insists that it is doing its part to improve the stats:

Lebal Drocer has demonstrated to shareholders its commitment to whitewashing anything having to do with inclusion and diversity, which – as we continue to reiterate, but just like a woman not to listen – are core values for our company. Our 2015 diversity report reveals that 69% of the company is male and 31% are males who identify as women. So back the fuck up, shitlords.”

Lebal Drocer Diversity Report 2015 - The pay grade for employees who identify as women is reduced in proportion to their femininity.
The pay grade for employees who identify as women is reduced in proportion to their femininity.

The board said its efforts are already much “broader” than what’s requested in the proposal.

“We already hire coloreds: We have an efficient, proud janitorial staff at Lebal Drocer headquarters in Cuthbert, and a fantastic team of secretaries composed of some of the most beautiful women in Atlanta.”

Lebal Drocer did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but they did pay us to write this article.

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Molly Crabapple calls for American Troops to intervene in Syria

Molly Crabapple calls for the US to mount an all-out invasion of Syria
Molly Crabapple calls for the US to mount an all-out invasion of Syria

INTERNET — Molly Crabapple tweeted Monday, “The US needs to launch an all-out ground assault on Syria to end Assad’s war crimes in Madaya,” Crabapple reiterated her position that US commanders are “pussies” for hesitating to bomb brown people so close to the Charlie Hebdo anniversary, adding, “Je Suis Charlie.”[pullquote]”Je suis Charlie.” – M. Crabapple[/pullquote]

Rachel Haywire, founder of the Molly Crabapple Fan Club, told reporters, “Some of Crabapple’s veteran and mercenary fans have already landed in Syria, armed to the teeth and ready to kill Assad himself. These are holy warriors on crusade.”

Crabapple recently finished a book tour for her latest offering at Lebal Drocer printing house, Cutting for Fame, a pornographic tale of masochistic excess and Machiavellian power grabs. It has achieved critical and popular acclaim, accounting for an outlandish focus of power, suspicion, and hatred upon the self-described “egg-headed slut,” Crabapple.

Leading political expert and fellow at the Internet Chronicle Department of Foreign Studies Dr. Angstrom H. Truebadour told chronicle.su he is deeply concerned about both Quangel and Crabapple’s promotion of the ongoing crisis in Syria.

Crabapple promised to personally hunt down and punish the “bastard trolls” responsible for aggressions against her family name. Already a hate mob on twitter is tracking down and ruining UN operative EM Quangel, the hate groupie who disappeared cunningly from Twitter last week in the wake of Crabapple’s doxing. She dealt a devastating blow to Quangel, the Spooks authors’ career, a move that Dr. Truebador called “a sad deviation from dankass cash money values.”

“We all did our time,” Truebadour said. “We saw the numbers in 2010-2011-2012. So many thousands dead: Assad did it. The rebels did it. We feel just terrible about it. But more bombing? The place is rebar, broken glass. Crabapple wants charred sand?”

Truebadour waved off the press as they gathered around his window atop an ivory tower in Princeton. Before closing the shutters, he flicked everyone off, and exposed himself to a female reporter standing on the lawn below. No charges were filed.

UPDATE: Crabapple tweeted a flurry of texts directing her soldiers in war, “I want all my fighters in Syria on Tor, immediately,” adding, “Slit Assad’s Throat!”

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Molly Crabapple aka Jennifer Caban doxes author EM Quangel

Jennifer Caban supports and embodies US militarism disguised as subversive activism
Jennifer Caban supports and embodies US militarism disguised as subversive activism

INTERNET — Friday, effete splatter artist and debutante author Molly Crabapple aka Jennifer Caban revealed the true name of pseudonymous author Emma Quangel, igniting a firestorm of criticism and hatred. Crabapple and others justified the doxing under the reasoning that Quangel supports Assad by denying the starvation of children in the siege of Madaya and worse — that Quangel supports terrorists.

Quangel completely disappeared from social media and has so far made no comment despite a long history of antagonism towards Crabapple.

The extremist left Quangel identifies with has been quick to issue many reprisals in her absence, including the usual evidence of Crabapple’s association with Neo-Nazi and influential internet troll Andrew Aurenheimer aka Weev. They hold that the so-called “celebrity left” of which Crabapple is a prime example is a propaganda implement of US militarism. Crabapple’s recent support for the US military’s distributed cryptographic weapons system, Tor, is another piece of evidence which in their eyes makes Crabapple into an agent of empire. Whether a mere panderer, Machiavellian mastermind, CIA spook, or unwitting shill, her doxing of Quangel has drawn greater consternation and suspicion than ever before.

Typical to many in the extremist left, Quangel focused criticism on Crabapple with a remarkable intensity and frequency. She went farther than most by publishing a dystopian science fiction book, Spooks, which explicates her position against the kind of sexed up politics unique to Crabapple’s brand.

Quangel’s cohorts were quick to point out her good work in publicizing the Dylann Roof manifesto as well as her job acting as press officer for the International Organization for Migration (IOM), a job which is now possibly endangered due to Crabapple’s doxing, although IOM has refused to comment.

Personal attacks and allegations have been directed towards Quangel, accusing her of an overly affluential upbringing as the daughter of a CNN anchor.

Fighters in Syria are surely holding their breath to see what happens next in the conflict between Quangel and Caban, the most important and dramatic front in their war.

Quangel is scheduled to appear on Chronicle.su HATE RADIO to talk about her book Spooks — if she ever resurfaces.