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World

KIM JONG UN DOWNED

PYONGYANG — Kim Jong Un was “downed” Saturday, with medics from China rushing to get him back up. Internet Chronicle reporters gained exclusive access to Kim’s private quarters, where he lay in a state of uncertainty. “He’s somewhere in between alive and dead,” Dr. Troubador, our in-house medical doctor said. “He could pop right back […]

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Technology

Scientists create MUTANT enzyme that recycles news headlines “in hours”

INTERNET — If it sounds too good to be true, that’s because it came from Lebal Drocer Laboratories. A mutant amoebic enzyme that breaks down news content for recycling has been created by scientists working tirelessly at Lebal Drocer Laboratories in Van Nuys. The enzyme, originally discovered in the garbage outside the home of deceased […]

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Technology

Twitter squashes profit bug that “protected users”

INTERNET — At long last, Twitter has removed a petulant privacy bug from the platform that prevented advertisers from gaining necessary access to sensitive details about the entire user base. A valuable option in Twitter’s privacy settings called “Share your data with trusted affiliates” once enabled trust between consumers and good-natured cookie salesmen. Now, that […]