axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Special Interest Technology

Litecoin trading increases in both volume and value along with the Bitcoin

Litecoin
Litecoin trades now for $4.15

People invested in Bitcoin argue the Litecoin will never gain traction in their precious magical money market. Poor Litecoin investors who are jealous of the Bitcoin master race’s infinite foresight profess feverishly on Bitcoin sub-forums that their currency WILL see come-uppance! Their dialogue is often one-sided as they battle the image of Johnny-Come-Lately who secretly wants himself a Bitcoin.

He wants it so bad. And now he is left to monitor Litecoin as she rises and falls like the tide of a bleak moonless beach, illuminated by the passing glimmer of the Bitcoin lighthouse which, with every sweeping motion, shines brighter – $100 brighter – on each irritating pass.

Temples to Litecoin were built in its honor, where crypto-shamans beg piously for restitution over of their doubts in the Bitcoin, and plea for a second chance. The Litecoin is perfect, they say. It’s faster. It’s quiet. It’ll stay out of Bitcoin’s way. It can be there, too. Can’t it?

The arguments  playing out around Litecoin – ranging from whether it will ever increase in value, to whether the world can stand another cryptocurrency, to whether or not China is actually adopting the coin or simply “pumping it and dumping it” – are all tinged with the doubt of a million atheists who just caught a glimpse of God but are still too proud to admit it.

The fact that Litecoin even exists is “proof that there is room enough in the world for another cryptocurrency,” according to economist Dr. Angstrom Hydrocopolous Troubadour, who said he invests heavily in the market regardless of God’s wishes that he not gamble, or lust over his neighbor’s two wives.

Congress convened for a hearing this week to determine exactly what a Litecoin is and – being capitalists – how to profit from it. The results, Troubadour said, don’t look good.

The Litecoin may currently be cheap and accessible but, like the Bitcoin before it, could eventually become so bloated that only the 1% can ever afford to use it, and they will be so busy spending their Bitcoins they won’t even let go of a Litecoin for the plebeian masses to attempt to buy drugs with it, to escape from their meaningless, Bitcoin-absent lives.

Pray to the money gods for Litecoin to increase in value. Make a small sacrifice of $100, and in three years’ time, you too will have many hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on anything you like.

I’m buying an ethanol-powered yacht. What will you buy?

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Sinister Facebook Competitor Challenges “One” Universe Theory

New “One Ring” Operating System terrifies audiences

The One Ring Headquarters (Internet)
The One Ring Headquarters (Internet)

[pullquote]One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.[/pullquote]INTERNET — Do you hear the sound of your mind being submerged in its unconscious? The psychic pulsing green beams of Google, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube (It’s your main man, Daym) are converging in a single beam that will finally blast Alderaan to pieces.

The challenge for operating system designers has been to merge all of these most popular services into one slick interface which is even more passive than a television.

The Anonymous Creator of The One Ring rose to this challenge, creating the first distributed cloud computed crypto-network to rule them all. The One Ring will be controlled by a secret algorithm which will zero in on and overdetermine your unconscious mind in a way that will not only allow you to buy the products most suited to you, but also challenge your perceptions about the Arabs in subtle ways.

Users of The One Ring report missing work and being unable to disconnect from endless feeds of Lolcats, Trollfaces (RIP cololo), and Miley’s new Sex Tape which recently aired on Cinemax.

Users of Diaspora have been the only people to resist use of The One Ring, and exist in a “Zion from Matrix” style world where they have not yet been sucked into the “False Reality” created by The One Ring.

When Diaspora came along, no one at the time could have predicted it would be the Litecoin of social networks. Now, the transmutation of popular opinion into popular action has usurped the need for contemplation, hesitation and even inaction, against all warnings of the great philosopher Sun Tzu.

Modified Memes inside The One Ring’s “+1” death spiral reportedly “enhance” themselves by adding political or religious symbols and other permutations in a “Naturally selected” ecosystem which enhances the addictive quality of The One Ring over previous data algorithm manipulations, like Facebook.

The “False” “”Reality”” theory of the One Ring Cloud Solution enables micropurchases at a baffling volume and scale. A shred of desire instantly manifests itself as the object in question, and no one is hungry. None thirsty. Conversely, no one is anything, once they become a part of The One Ring™ Cloud.

 

 

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Technology Video

LinkedIn to merge with motherless.com

man fired for sickening addiction
“I understand. I’ll begin packing my desk.”

INTERNET – Here’s a bit of good news for all you porntubers out there — LinkedIn has made the distribution of jailbait pornography a simple matter of clicking “Like”. With a click of the Like button, users instantaneously share their pornography history with coworkers, family and friends.

“Let’s say there’s an awesome image you’ve found on Motherless,” LinkedIn CEO Jim Nottaway said, “that if anybody else – even your wife – knew you were jacking off to this, you’d be institutionalized. Well, now they know.”

Leaving a remark on a photograph such as, “wat i wuldnt give to bust a load into her tight pussy” automatically shares the comment and video to your LinkedIn account, and emails a copy of itself into your subscribers’ inbox.

The speed of social networking has advanced beyond confirmation dialogues, so information and content is shared without warning at the time of consumption.

“It’s just basic knowledge,” said Internet Psychopathologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour. Troubadour said the forced merger between content-based community websites and social networking sites heralds a new era of information networking. “It’s a great way to bring the power of social tools into community-based porno distribution rings. I am already seeing things, for free, that I used to have to travel to Bangkok and pay for.”

“Destroying your own life has never been easier,” said Nottaway. “With the power of LinkedIn, users will soon be able to share their favorite surreptitious jailbait photographs with people they know in real life, at unprecedented profits to us.”

Mark Daffadin has been on LinkedIn for years, where he said he got his first full time engineering job after college. Now, they’re taking it all back. “All my loved ones should know what I do on the Internet without my consent.,” Daffadin said. “LinkedIn is making huge progress to that end. It’s fun, and I’m horrified by what my future holds. Three days ago, Friday, I commented on the veracity of a lesbian three-way pink salad. Now, it’s Monday morning, and I’ve already started packing my desk.”

But not all people are happy with the merger. Thomas Mulligan of Dublin, Ireland said he works from home, and therefore can not be fired, but told reporters he has grown sick of seeing his inbox spammed with invites to join exclusive groups dedicated to images of pre-teens in bathing suits.

“Why do I need to look at this stuff?” Mulligan asked. “I have kids of my own.”