Categories
News

Newt Gingrich fucked an Alien

Historical fact.

It’s really great that there’s a real Historian running for president. Finally, someone who can stand up and set the record straight on Palestine. Palestinians are an invented people! They never existed in history until this century. Never mind that the word Palestine is found in its first form somewhere around 1150 BC. That’s an inconvenient truth. These people weren’t yet Muslim or Christian so it doesn’t really apply.

Then the period of Zionism began, enforcing permanent immigration rights on basis of religion, flooding the area with Jews who quickly seized power. That’s just how Democracy works, and let’s not call it Zionism. It’s really better described as anti-anti-semitism.  We would never want another holocaust on the Jews to occur.

These Palestinians get uppity, all you can do anymore is cut them off. Blockade their ports, and wall them off. But even when you do that, they just smuggle concrete through the tunnels to build themselves the American dream: An air-conditioned shopping mall!

If only we could just force them to listen to us. We don’t care if they’re Muslim or not, we just want them to drink Coke and watch some Netflix on a nice, new Sony television. But no, it’s got to be a holy war. It’s a good thing we have remote control drones to do all the  dirty work for us from the comfort of our luxury-class Death Cruisers, reminiscent of Star Destroyers.

And to all these sissies whining about the economy, it would all come crashing down if we ended the wars. There will be another, and another, and another until the world is firmly in the grip of America. Multi-national corporate-like entities that have both personhood and the power to buy whatever laws are convenient will engage the fucking hate machine if your leadership wants to raise minimum wages and hurt their bottom line. First, they’ll use HAARP to cripple you with earthquakes and floods. Then, the “relief workers” will show up toting guns, and they’ll start giving out orders to local officials. That’s how it’s done.

Infested Callista

Categories
Entertainment

Secret Gang War Rages as Michael Jackson’s Return Approaches

Conspiracy behind recent rap deaths

HOLLYWOOD – The highest level of gang war – that within Hollywood’s elite rap community – has reached fevered pitch. Rather than fighting on the streets like the poor, these hyper-rich stars have resorted to the dirtiest tactics possible. Queen Latifah infected Akon with a genetically modified strain of fast-moving AIDS after rumors had spread throughout Hollywood that Akon once said Queen Latifah’s booty was bigger than his career. In response, Queen Latifah’s main man, Kanye West, was given a roofie immediately before driving home, leading to his death. At this point, Michael Jackson stepped in to end the war among the opposing factions within his organization. As all Hoaxers agree, there are many clues proving Michael Jackson faked his own death so he could help the hip hop community rebel against the New World Order. Michael Jackson slashed the hell out of Lil Wayne’s face till he died just to set an example for the community.

These rappers appear to be still alive to this very day, as the record company has kept a body double on hand to protect their investments in the musician’s brand. Kanye West is a computer simulation, and Akon’s been replaced by a body double. Lil Wayne’s body double is actually a clone, created at birth and subjected to all the exact same tattoos.

May the great Michael Jackson teach us all how to love one another upon his imminent return. May his return be swift, timely and full of groovy dance beats. In Thriller we trust our futures, Amen.

Categories
Obituaries

Lil Wayne dead at 29

Lil Wayne dead at 29
Lil Wayne, 29, died tragically at his Louisiana home on Wednesday, December 28.

New Orleans– Fans mourn the loss of Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., the artist better known as ‘Lil Wayne,’ who died early Wednesday morning at his home in New Orleans.

Lil Wayne has died from fatal injuries caused to himself after a massive overdose of the popular rage drug PCP.

Lil Wayne was pronounced dead at 6:59 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “fatal injuries caused to himself after a massive overdose of phencyclidine.” Sources close to the musician suggested Lil Wayne may have taken too much PCP, a popular party drug, and done severe damage to his face with his hands and sharp knives. He was 29.

Lil Wayne is survived by ex-wife Toya Carter and four children.

Lil Wayne’s charity, Change.org, suffered financial losses after rumors that Wayne borrowed money from the philanthropist organization without returning it, marring the charity group with exactly the negative image of black society from which volunteers work extensively to protect children.

Key assets of Lil Wayne’s estate are expected to be turned over to Change.org, an organization that helps prepare young black inner city youth for the trials of tomorrow.

In his lifetime, numerous lawsuits were filed against Lil Wayne. While these were mostly for copyright infringements and intellectual property theft, he also owed millions of dollars in royalties to scores of people, many of whom were never repaid.