axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

What 1984 taught us

Investigative Editorial

Why on earth would they teach that in a public school when so hard the media fought against it? Show us the news in schools from now on. Let’s watch the war live this 2012. It really is the end times.

The Mayans predicted there’d be no one to vote for.

Michelle Obama demonstrates a secret communist socialist gang sign
Michelle Obama demonstrates a secret communist socialist gang sign.

A vote of no confidence on voting. Remember when first ladies did stuff? I mean at least Tipper Gore made us look at awesome EXPLICIT LYRICS labels on our music (so the cool kids know what to buy). Michelle Osama, what’s she done besides smuggle terrorists across the border on Air Force Won? What’s she done besides destroy our economy? What’s she done besides live off welfare? I’m tired of paying her way! I work. I pay my $65 in child support every month. Where are my government handouts?

Sometimes when I play the piano I feel like I’m hearing explicit lyrics. [the following is the sound of Old Brutus playing the piano: BANG YREAH BITCH PING PING PING PING BANG BITCH YEAAAAH]

WHERE WERE YOU!?I SAID I PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT. Where was you, bitch! Where was you! Where was YOUR DAD OBAMA (Kenya) when you needed child support? They don’t like government handouts in the fucking savanna either, do they Black Obama? Why you gotta fuck your own people man? It’s cool for people to shit you out in the desert and you can become president but Mexicans who do it can’t even be citizens? Fucking hypocrite. I say lynch ’em all! God damn it!

WHERE’S DARYN MORAN?

Oh there he is

And now a message from our sponsor:

Does the dull roar of constant anxiety keep you awake at night? Has total fear of the state ever enveloped you in a suffocating cocoon of worry? Us too!

Which is why scientists at Lebal Drocer Chemical Elf Wax Laboratories have worked ’round the clock bringing you only the finest in thought technology. Using devices such as paragraphs, metaphors, logic and reason we have engineered the very evolution of all that it means to be a drone among the online political hivemind.

For ten years now, our researchers have funneled the Internet itself through our machines in an effort to bring you new and interesting news stories based on your interests. By looking for similar data points across a never ending feed of random occurrences, and by feeding you a rich, improved alternate version of reality, we can plot to a one thousandth of a percent exactly what you want to read, even what you want it to say. That’s the Lebal Drocer guarantee!

Lebal Drocer, Inc.

We get your dick hard.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News Uncontrollable Patriotism

Senator Leahy is so fucked

[audio:https://chronicle.su/wp-content/uploads/leahy1.mp3|titles=Love for Leahy]
Leahy, Sinister of the Protect IP Act
Leahy looking old

Knowing the kind of scum he is for sponsoring the Protect IP Act, Senator Gayhy will most probably spin my phone call as a threat and have my INTERNETZ REVOKED

Senator Leahy is so confused by computers, he had to ask his son to explain the family’s brand new abacus.

Senator Leahy is so corrupted by corporate greed Crayola paid him to endorse their newest green crayon.

Senator Leahy is so committed to the destruction of the bill of rights, he has a bell in his office that rings every time Facebook transacts your information with the government. The bell is broken. In place of silence, he hears the faint screaming of souls.

Senator Leahy can only get hard when someone challenges him to abuse women’s rights in new and exciting ways.

john warner has shooting heroin
john warner has graduated to heroin.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

I’m telling you man, it’s like this…

The Hard-Hitting debate hit hard. The crowd jeered and erupted into jubilation. It used to be they’d hand out dials to the audience, for them to turn whenever they felt inclined. These reaction dials were not getting the point across, as most viewers did not understand how graphs really worked.

America’s the home team and Obama – he’s the relative of illegal immigrants and of !!!!!!questionable!!!!! birth himself.

By God’s grace we will defeat the Devils at Occupy Wall Street. Don’t dare go down there into their pit of sins, public defecations, fornications, and marxist ideologies. That’s work of the beast and the end times are here. You know who the antichrist is. You know it deep down.

Don’t despair. You can survive god’s wrath by investing in gold. Precious, sweet gold – it’s never been worth nothing!

Have faith. There is still hope. We can prevail. As long as you do you your part to drive Socialism out of our government and help Corporations Succeed, you will be forever rich in christ.

The debate exploded forth. Michele Bachmann made a comment about America’s problem with magnets. Illegal immigrant magnets. This was an attempt at viral marketing. Her PR team knew that magnets are an internet meme among Juggalos.

The Juggalos are not happy about Michele Bachmann trying to force their meme. Also /b/, being composed of 92% juggalos, is also pissed (lmao newfags).

…But where does Anonymous come into this all?

This is the best part…Nowhere! That’s the secret: No one gives a fuck about Anonymous anymore! They’re like the hippies and the punks – past their prime. The next generation of teenagers will have to found a completely new technofetishistic subculture based on even more deeply conflicted nihilism.

You know that they say “We are Legion,” right? That’s the devil. Anonymous openly claims to be the devil. Just another sign of the times. The end-times.

Hey, has someone been saying bad things about you in online reviews? Reputation.com will help you. We’ll spread whatever lies are necessary to every corner of the internet. We’ll spam that motherfucker that ratted on you into oblivion. Times are tough, and you cannot let the internet bring your business down. Reputation.com.