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END OF THE WORLD "CAN'T COME FAST ENOUGH"

The End of the World is just around the corner, and for the first time ever, the  predictions are not met with fear, but hopeful optimism that they are true.

“I want to die,” said 53-year-old Jacob Bremaur, “and I want everyone I know to die a fiery death. I deserve a reward for living a good, forgiving life in the footsteps of Christ, and the sinners who live among us deserve to rot painfully in eternal hellfire – especially Noam Chomsky, for saying that bad stuff about George Bush.”

With a wink of his eye, Bremaur added, “See you there, George.”

News of the Rapture falls equally on the apathetic minds of a culture in which religion and spirituality take the backseat to sexting, iPods and electronic sex organs.

Stan Rosenstein, social scientist and professor emeritus of Sexual Psychology said most people will not notice their friends’ and families’ ascent into unending blissful peace, especially those closely following Nancy Grace’s coverage of the Casey Anthony case now in full swing.

“The whole world just doesn’t give a fuck,” said Rosenstein, “because for a baby-killer, that mom is hot as shit. Though I concede that she may not have been quite as pretty while smothering her baby with chloroform in the trunk of her car. But nobody’s perfect.”

The Religious Right will keep their eyes to the skies tomorrow, where Lebal Drocer, Inc. jets are scheduled to spell out in chemtrails the hourly countdown to eternal salvation – or damnation – depending on whether or not you read the Chronicle.SU

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Pirate Party illegal in Germany

Two days before elections in Bremen, the Pirate Party’s internet servers were seized by police for criminal investigation. This application of police force is justified by allegations that Anonymous used a free co-authoring service, PiratenPad, which is located on the Pirate Party’s servers. Anonymous occasionally uses this service to coauthor treatises, press releases, and other documents. 4chan, the central command of Anonymous, remains outside of German jurisdiction.

Clearly, Anonymous has become a worldwide terrorist threat in the eyes of European and American government. To associate legitimate movements for internet freedom with Anonymous is a predictable tactic. However, the disturbing seizure of the Pirate Party’s web servers reveals a fatal error in German democracy. The sixth largest political party in Germany is the victim of a completely illegal political attack that it may never recover from.

The use of force to silence legitimate political movements is itself an act of terrorism aimed at the base of democracy. One wonders if the electorate might become infected with sockpuppets voting under realistic identities, as the internet has. If it is permitted for businesses and government to weaponize social media in order to shift public opinion, why not cut to the chase and use the same technology to rig the vote?

Voting for the Pirate Party will give authorities the right to seize your computers and raid your home for Guy Fawkes masks. If a single mask is found, you and your family will be imprisoned without trial, indefinitely. One day you’ll wake up in Guantanamo bay, where your favorite books will be defiled by grinning American soldiers as you lie naked on a concrete floor.

 

 

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The end is Fear!

The announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s death has provided the Obama administration with the kind of public support they need to push for a new war. The withdrawal from Afghanistan will now come very soon, as our forces ready to redeploy in Pakistan and possibly Iran. Obama has sided with Palestinian demands, endorsing a return to 1967 borders. The political climate of the region, as exemplified by recent riots outside the Israeli Embassy in Cairo, necessitates a permanent solution for peace if Israel wants to continue to exist. Meanwhile, a multi-million dollar advertising campaign in America has sparked fear and religious fervor by invoking the Apocalypse.

Public opinion and religious faith vacillates wildly after such artificially contrived events. Osama’s death and the oncoming Rapture give the government the social capital it needs to exert power, and exert power it will. Arab World: All your base are belong to us.

The middle east is a nuclear powder keg, and it’s jammed full of insanely extreme theocracies, revolting citizens, stateless military factions, suicidal terrorists, insane dictators, and hordes of huddled masses left waiting for death to rain from the sky. Has America overextended itself, or have we wisely created a base for logistics of a prolonged World War? Should Russia or China become fully involved in a worldwide conflict in these territories, their logistical advantage would be insurmountable. America’s economic failures and dwindling technological edge are disturbing trends which our enemies will take advantage of whenever possible.

Meanwhile, the House of Representatives has primed the fuse. As America worries about the rapture, the devils are quietly pushing legislation that will permanently grant the Executive branch full warmongering powers. It is fear that will pay for this war!