FDA approves powerful new opioid for jazz musicians

Immediately following the government reopening, the FDA reportedly gave “emergency approval” to a powerful new opioid for jazz musicians whose deep souls are in deeper pain.

The profound words on this page will have you crumbin’ for Dr. Troubadour’s new medicine for the soul, Miles fuckin Gravis, a totally bomb-ass way for you and your boys to

Forever 27

Miles Gravis will send you to an early grave!

Offering instant, long-lasting relief from bullshit like misery, grief, heartache, and sorrow, Dr. T’s Proprietary Opioid makes Gray Death look like sunshine.

Take the 27 Challenge!


An opiate-wary audience is considered out of reach to marketing pedagogues, so Purdue has teamed up with Lebal Drocer Inc to run a cheap little sweepstakes, called the 27 Challenge.

The first 10,000 musicians to die with Miles Gravis still in their systems will be entered into a contest to be immortalized in the 27 Club  as the posterchild and lead tragedy for Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals (runner-ups play sideman!)

”I’m Phil Buckman, and opioids have ravaged the town I grew up in, killed my friends and family, and robbed a generation of stability. It will work for YOU, too!”

The Internet Chronicle is wholly, totally complicit in their scheme and shamelessly promoting it here. And what are you gonna do about it?

I’m Raleigh T. Sakers, and I triple-dog dare you to ask me to stop — Hate Radio, 2019

We’re all getting older, and we’re gonna damn die someday.

Pour a little Miles Gravis on that misery and watch in painless amazement as the newest drug from Lebal Drocer creates the smoothest, trippiest, psychedelic jazz you NEVER heard.

Them ol pain pills’ll gitcha, boy!

Internet Chronicle under fire for controversial MAGAface coverage

The Internet Chronicle recently ran reports featuring MAGAface, the good old boy who got up in that Indian’s face at a pro-life rally. The heinous website posted images of Navajo elder Nathan Phillips, referring to him as a “pack leader,” and making false claims Phillips “aggressively” approached MAGAface.

chronicle.su: MAGAface confronts a Navajo Code Talker during his pro-life rally. A boy in the background respectfully chants along with Phillips. After this picture was taken everyone stood and clapped.
CHRONICLE.SU: MAGAFace confronts Navajo Code Talker Natty Phillips during his pro-life rally. A boy in the background respectfully chants along with Phillips. After this picture was taken everyone stood and clapped.

Readers aren’t happy

Even Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, the disgraced physician accused of peddling the dangerous, imperialist party drug “Manifest Ecstasy” for Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals, said he wants to distance himself from chronicle.su and asked the media to respect his wishes.

“They were good at hiding their agenda behind clever language,” Troubadour said. “I thought it was all a joke, and I was just in on it. Now that I see they are emboldened by a surge in right-wing nationalism, Internet Chronicle has all but removed its MAGAface. I just can’t be associated with that while I’m still testing this racist medicine on people.”

Troubadour shook his head.

“Imagine having a claim to the land so unjust, that God himself takes it away from you, and gives it to a white man.”

Internet Chronicle Baby Corner

dr troubadour
Dr. Troubadour, Pediatrician

Hello little babies. Do you prefer having satire spoonfed to you, rather than having to read it with your own two little peepers?



Internet Chronicle Exclusive: MAGAFACE Stands His Ground!

Internet Chronicle under threat of collapse!

The backlash so far was minimal, according to hatesec, an editor at the website, since readership has already plummeted to all-time lows. The website is prone to hatesec’s self-destructive outbursts, such as the time he called Mental Illness a fad syndrome, causing considerable harm to his own readership in the process.

The secret to his success?

Don’t divide your audience with one-sided political coverage. Instead, alienate them entirely by disrespecting and belittling bullshit that’s precious to everyone.


chronicle.su shares the key to success

Is nothing sacred?

Check back for updates on how Internet Chronicle attacks the sensitive underpinning of your favorite propaganda networks.


This FEMA death camp looks abandoned but in fact contains a facility for secretly killing millions of immigrants and processing orphaned babies for maximum economic value.

It was 3:45 a.m. when the first alarms sounded at Camp Liberty, situated just beyond the horizon, where a majestic new border wall is planned for construction. Spotlights flood into the valley, as motion detectors pick up unlikely movement through the brush. The lights catch the bewildered expression of a man, covered in dirt, as he attempts to escape back into Mexico. He is spotted holding a knife, and the muzzle flash of his own gunfire blinds a lone border patrolman who has taken aim at the man from the high tower of Camp Liberty. Before his eyes can readjust, the man is gone.

This is the story of Juan De Martinez, who escaped — not only from a FEMA camp, but also from a vacuum-sealed plastic tub: his PLASTIC FEMA DEATH COFFIN. 
MegaLeaks reports that at least 37 FEMA death camps went online following secret legislation passed in FISA courts.

2019 turns into America’s 1984 as “Big Brother” Donald Trump Powers up FEMA CAMPS over “Humanitarian Crisis” on the border with Mexico.

An extensive wall plan, far more than Trump bargained for, has been put in place and will not only wall off Mexico, but Canada and “extensive” portions of the Atlantic and Pacific borders as well. 
De Martinez’s haunting first echoes of the “New Holocaust”, if true, depict a terrible new low for humanity. “Donald Trump conned us all. And hell, I believed in him more than anyone,” De Martinez said. “Why the hell you think I joined the caravan to begin with? I wanted to see that bitch locked up.”
Border patrol soldiers apprehended De Martinez after a Census agent reported him as an illegal immigrant. “It was almost exactly like the prisons for the separated families where they first kept me, only crowded and with lots of soldiers everywhere. It was an old department store in an abandoned mall with some concertina wire barriers and machine gun nests at the door. Thousands of us in there, arms and legs ziptied, and a few guys with big chainguns at the doors. Low budget as it gets. One day they singled us out, and when they came for me they led me down the hall to a pallet of these corrugated plastic coffins, tazed me, and there’s this air compressor running. The shock of the air leaving the coffin brought my senses to me and I just barely punctured the coffin before passing out. Somehow I survived and I don’t know if I was knocked out for hours or for days, but I was able to escape. I’m sure to have been the only one.”
Juan De Martinez told Internet Chronicle, “I wasn’t targeted for my skin color, but for my belief in some so-called ‘conspiracy theories.’ Is that crazy? I know the establishment is afraid of us, now more than ever because we now know all their secrets in real time, thanks to MegaLeaks.”
Samuel Bradshaw, a 46-year-old carpet specialist on disability, said the ongoing blackout and deep state crackdown on Twitter has made it next to impossible to organize the already limited abilities of the enlightened minds available to the QAnonymous movement. Bradshaw says a full overhaul of the entire system was needed, and Kim Dotcom’s blockchain-enhanced information network is just the tool for bridging the gap between a once-functional Twitter and Facebook-based platform, and the upcoming Pursuance Project set forth by Barrett Brown.
In December, Kim Dotcom released a fully-functioning blockchain-based, end-to-end encrypted digital economy for leaked information called MegaLeaks. According to Dotcom, “MegaLeaks is already fulfilling its promise to feed the secrets of the elites to the public at a rate millions of times faster than any revolutionary movement in history. This informational apocalypse for established power structures is labeled ‘The Shift’ by fellow members of the QArmy. MegaLeaks is the ultimate and final Prophecy.”


De Martinez escaped from a mass-produced plastic FEMA death camp coffin much like this
As De Martinez made his way out of the coffin and to safety, he stumbled through some of the Deep State’s top secret facilities. He wept in horror relating these grim tidings, and withheld many gruesome details, “The youngest children are being kept in factory chicken farms, their life-extending blood harvested on a weekly basis with straps and robotic syringes. Older children are being trained for sex slavery in a vast mega-casino and brothel in Las Vegas, so that the middle class can now aspire to the sick pleasures of the elites on a mass basis. Tuesday, MegaLeaks released the FISA court document in which Donald Trump ordered a small change in law enforcement policy to open the ‘child sex trafficking’ loophole.
In the past, the QArmy has pushed back against all sex trafficking and harvesting of the young for their blood, but surprisingly the movement is now split. However, the vast majority of QAnon’s most vocal proponents are still excited for the “New World Order,” even if it means a “shower of blood.”
“I say trust the plan, man.” Phil Mackleroy of Embargo, Illinois caused a stir on social media, adding, “Hell, I wanted Mexico to pay for one wall and now we’re gonna get four of them, Hell yea, buddy!  And that casino, boy. What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas as they say.”
Mackleroy beamed for the cameras at Fox News, Live on Hannity to address the sensitive issue of baby blood farms, “As long as we don’t kill anyone like those sick abortionists, it’s not all that bad. Sometimes the government has to take babies, and what can it do with them? Take care of them for free, just to drag down the economy a bit? Everyone would be chucking babies over the border if we did that. And as far as I can tell we’re just givin’ them a purpose. All they have to give us is a little blood each week, and it ain’t even hurtin’ em. I’ve seen it on TV, OKAY? They was smiling and laughing when that robot sucked just a few tablespoons of their blood. Hell, their life sounds a LOT better than my job. I can’t even afford any of their blood since they cut off my benefits.”
But Mackleroy’s tweets weren’t the only ones popping off. Q Spiritualist Master Dorothy “Peace” Blongbottom tweeted, “THE SHIFT IS HERE!” garnering over 10,000 retweets in one hour. “I always believed the shift was coming,” said Blongbottom, “This is going to be a bit scary, but we have to go through it. Once it’s over with everything will be okay again. To get back to the real Great America we had to trigger another holocaust, another world war. Soon it will be over and we will be back in the 50’s, and everything will be Great again.”
Leroy Stimpson, 34 of Grand Rapids North Dakota, disavowed Trump, tweeting, “I QUIT THE CROOKED #QARMY.” Stimpson told reporters, “I thought it was When We Go One We Go All. Apparently some people among us are SATANISTS and PEDOPHILES. Anyway I always knew the stuff about the sex trafficking that we talked about on the QArmy so damn much was a little overboard, a little suspicious. I feel like we maybe meme’d Trump into power but we also dun’ created a monster like some evil monkey’s paw, granting aspects of our wishes that we don’t really think about too often. Well now that he’s legalized child sex, by God I’m finally off that sick, sick Trump Train. All these people who are still #QArmy, who blocked MAGAFACE, fuck you. There, I said it. First Trump took our bump stocks, then he took our babies – saying it had drugs in its system – and now he’s took our information. Well, buddy, we fuckin’ took it back. Kim’s got us covered. I am interested in some of them stemcells, though.


It is now 5AM and Juan De Martinez is clear of Camp Liberty and its unspeakable horrors. “It sounded like a Motorcycle, man. I swear. But it was just like in the videos, those cheetah robots. It was on me man, and it had me pinned by my throat. But Praise Jesus or Julian Assange or someone because it glitched out or something. It did a weird little dance and let me go. I was free, finally free and outside of the United States. In retrospect, you know that thing that strikes me most? It’s the cheapness of it all. Clearly they just want to save a little money, or something. And then they spend all that money on killer robots like that to try to hide it from us. And it doesn’t even work. The Shift is here, people. And I am living proof.”