Y’all smokin’ Truth up in here or what? Oh shit, lemme hit that, son! Yo this shit is fire!
RARE PHOTO: Tupac and a young Osama bin Laden unite in shared distaste for evil-ass white motherfuckers
aight now ima git u fucked up, fucked up real good you understand.
yo i’m the fuckin police, put your hands on that wall. i said put your fucking hands on that wall and spread your legs!
didn’t think i was a cop, DID YA!?
DIDN’T THINK THE LAW WOULD FIND OUT, HUH?
WELL WE KNOW YOU AND YOUR COCKSUCKA FRIENDS HAVE BEEN IN HERE ALLLLL NIGHT SMOKIN TRUTH, AND YOU KNOW HOW WE KNOW? BECAUSE WE WERE WATCHING YOU ON A FUCKING WEBCAM ON THE DARKNET, MOTHERFUCKER.
Why don’t you take a seat over there, on this diiiiiiiiiick, motherfucker!
DUDE I’M JUST PLAYIN WITH YOU, WE AIN’T NO POLICE, DAWG! IT’S JUST YOU AND ME HERE, BABY, OKAY? Now get back on them sticks and let’s play some FIFA.
Nine hours later, you look over at your friend and he’s like
“Ye fiyad.”
Stay away from them boys and hide your weed cuz Sessions comin after it right fuckin now, watch out, that’s him, here he comes!
INTERNET — A team of masked men stormed the Ecuadorean embassy, Monday, killing five guards and Wikileaks publisher Julian Assange. Sunday, Assange tweeted a password which will open the 700TB ‘Deep State Files’ torrent to the public. Already this treasure trove of the Deep State’s most hidden data has proven that the CIA assassinated president John F. Kennedy and installed Putin in Russia as an American puppet state after the fall of the Soviet Union.
Fans, friends, and supporters across the world mourn Assange’s death on the #DeepStateFiles hashtag as they circulate the evidence he’s brought to light against the Deep State, but they’re also expressing resolve and bracing for more violence.
Assange’s Girlfriend and assassination eyewitness Pamela Anderson said, “I heard gunfire and then they broke the door down with a battering ram and put a rag over his face. I thought it was only chloroform but when they left, he wouldn’t wake up.”
Anderson, in tears during her interview on Fox News, said “At the time I thought he was okay, and what was most horrible was how they took all the computers and went through all of his hiding spots in no time. In all my time in Hollywood I’ve never seen choreography that smooth.”
Cryptic messages from proven hacker and Trump-insider, QAnon, suggest that a string of assassinations of high profile Deep State targets are in the works.
Analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador interpreted QAnon’s message, saying “Obviously Trump says he’s going back to work, yet he spent a whole week on the golf links. QAnon is telling us that this is Trump’s only defense from the Deep State, who will have trouble assassinating him from the fortified golf club. Not only that, but Trump is plotting several major international incidents to distract the Deep State from focusing on him.
ATLANTA – Fans mourn the tragic, untimely demise of David Cross, beloved comedian and creator of Todd Margaret, Mr. Show, and Alvin and the Chipmunks. Cross passed away from toxic shock after his vas deferens blew out, poisoning his bloodstream with a deadly mixture of semen proteins.
David Cross recently published a video in which he named all the people on Alvin and the Chipmunks with whom he was NOT angry. In an unrelated incident, his vas deferens catastrophically exploded.
Bangstrum Trodman of Lebal Drocer Pharmacological Treatment and Testing Center said Mr. Cross was alone in his hotel room when he experienced an unusual orgasm and called the front desk for help.
He ejaculated so forcefully that it ruptured his vas deferens, Trodman said, and because of his celebrity he had to be rushed to some $5 clinic on the outside of town where he thought no one could find him.
While still hard, Cross was loaded into an ambulance outside with a towel over his face, presumably to deflect the shame of being photographed by the permanent camp of paparazzi who follow famous people, wealthy priests, and other degenerates like that. Little did it matter, Cross was dead within minutes.
“Problem is,” Trodman said to reporters outside, “Leading up to this, he was shooting smack clean into the base of his cock. You ever seen anybody do this? It’s insane, this guy’s taint!”
Trodman said a combination of heroin and cocaine repeatedly injected into the performer’s groin compromised the structural integrity of his vas deferens, until after some time it degenerated, and ultimately collapsed in those final moments of unbridled pleasure heard on the 911 tapes.
As indicated in his will, Cross’ remaining assets, along with his many millions of dollars in Mr. Show royalties from HBO, will be disbursed to CHARM, a children’s charity promoted by Creed frontman Scott Stapp. It looks like one of those scam charities no one thinks about.
“A lot of people don’t know this but Mr. Cross loved Creed,” says Mark Buchanan, Cross’ childhood friend. “We would be getting shit-hammered, and he’d be so drunk I don’t even know if he knew what he was doing, but he would tell everybody in the car, ‘Put on Creed! Play those gospel jams!’ And we did, and he loved every minute of it. God bless you, David.”
