As the Israeli occupation and subjugation of decadent hedons in Palestine continues, young excited Jewish-Americans lined the streets of every major American city this weekend to show their unwavering support for the Zionist state.
On a day typically reserved for reflections on America’s puritan foundation, fanatical Zionists – per tradition – celebrated our nation’s independence by calling for Palestinian extermination.
“Independence comes in many forms,” Benji Benjamin said, an eight year old Ohio native marching up the streets of Manhattan. “I think the Palestinians, for their own good, might be better off wiped off the map. It will, at the least, free up some space in the budget, which is important to many third graders I know.”
Mr. Benjamin was in New York City on his way to board a flight for his birthright trip, a rite-of-brainwash for most Jewish Americans.
Tensions have never been higher between Israelis and Palestinians as crime within the Holy Land has seen a sharp spike in the last week. In part, this dramatic flux can be contributed to the recent kidnapping of three Israeli youth, the bombing of Palestinian children before that, the Palestinian rocket attack on a local Regional Council before that, an Israeli raid on an aid ship en route to the Gaza Strip before that, Hitler’s Final Solution, the Israelites murdering Moses, and God’s supreme fuck-up by promising land rights to chosen religious groups in the first place.
Angstrom H. Truedaberg, the Chronicle’s resident schlemiel, said, “These folks are expressing their right to exist. Many-a-Mensch took to the streets on this July 4th. I’m proud to be a part of such a peaceful, compassionate movement like Liberal Zionism.”
The United States has historically had nothing but support for the Zionist movement, rightly shunning the legitimate concerns of the residents of the occupied West Bank and Gaza Strip. However, many hard-knocked Zionists view the current administration’s attitudes towards the Jewish State as not supportive enough.
“Sure, Barack ‘Roof-Knock’ Nobama has increased funding to Israel’s military to $3 billion and denied Palestinian statehood, but why does he stay silent on the real issue: the savage barbarianism of the Arab, in general?” a beautiful Aryan editor at a local college newspaper said, speaking on the condition of anonymity so as not to expose her fucking stupidity.
“Is it because he himself is a Moslem?” she asked. “Is it because he was born in Kenya? Which almost borders Iran? Cuba? Hitler? The President must be forced to answer these types of questions.”
At the time of publication, the White House commented, “Look, it’s Ramadan. Give our Pres a minute. Can’t solve ethnic tensions on an empty stomach!”
4 replies on “Restraint! Israel Razes Gaza Death Camp”
Very good. Yes Rothschild Zionism has dictated our horrible foreign policy for a hundred years now. Israel attacked the United States twice, the USS Liberty during the Johnson administration back in the 1960’s and again when the Israeli Mossad blew up three New York skyscrapers on Tuesday, September 11, 2001 to drag us into the Middle East. The airplanes were just a cover to blame it all on Israel’s enemies.
Being as I touched that subject, check out Brother Nathanael on YouTube, you won’t be disappointed.
I like your satire but when you call the House of Rothschild a religious group I must protest. This is an ages old clan of Ashkenazi bankers that do not believe in God whatsoever and use their power over the Jew media to promote godless communism. They invented dinosaurs for goodness sakes. If they had a religion it would be to worship the devil, perhaps Satan himself, the father of lies.
close but no donut. rothschild,barens,lehmann,sachs,rockefeller, does that sound jewish? think again. woos screwin ya? but it doesnt end there: bachmann,beck,schwarzkopf,eisenhauer,kissinger,….
Please take down this offensive article or I will have to report it to the Jewish Internet Defense Force.
ill take it all back! sometimes genocide is permissible