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Categories
Hate

How the Grinch stole Lulzmas

EDIT: After posting this article, Sabu clarified that his tweet did not, in fact, mean that he had stolen from the accounts of 90,000 law enforcement agents, journalists, intelligence community members, and whitehats. The part about journalists was actually shorthand for “corporate media executives,” and of the 90,000 accounts mentioned, only a few were stolen from on Christmas.

This is the tweet that caused so much confusion
Only Sabu and the Grinch steal on Christmas.

In the past, attacks on the media have been one of the few taboos among hackers in the Anonymous collective. And rightly so, as Anonymous generally stands firm on the issue of freedom of information and especially freedom of the press. With the exception of relatively harmless LulzSec defacements of NPR and The Sun, this has been one of the unspoken rules followed by the collective. That is, until now.

Merry Christmas! Unless, of course, you happen to be a journalist for a corporate “white hat” news outlet. In other words, an enemy of “the people” as defined by dear leader Sabu. Sabu tweeted out his Robin Hood hit-and-run on Christmas Eve, a present to all who follow his glorious command. That’s right, the bank accounts of journalists were raided to help make a million dollar donation to Sabu’s unnamed charity of choice. Possibly Hamas, as his Twitter avatar suggests. Only the Grinch steals on Christmas, doing it all for the lulz. Maybe Sabu’s just trolling us all for teh Lulz, too. He’ll come riding down the mountain with all the presents and all the little Who reporters will get their Christmas back.

Christmas this year isn't all bad, at least Boxxy showed some cleavage. Well, I'm not sure what's growing in her hair there.

This is, in effect, the same tactic employed by Mastercard and Paypal to punish WikiLeaks for publishing the cablegate documents leaked by Bradley Manning. If you disagree with what someone says, punish them financially – to hell with the freedom of press! As bankers, CEO’s, and other white collar criminals rob everyone blind, Sabu has decided to rob what he calls “white hat corporate journalists” because they have big ol’ corporate accounts and they aren’t starving or anything.

This move is so blindly stupid, so incalculably bad, so patently dumb, the only logical conclusion is that Sabu and his crew are working for the government to make the nebulous Anonymous collective look bad and help hasten SOPA and the oncoming forced Facebookization of the internet.

Merry Christmas! Anonymous is now fully integrated into the hate machine of one country or another and Sabu’s manning the helm, steering for ultimate destruction of the Fourth Estate. Does he work for Iran, the US, or Hamas? No one knows! What’s clear is that he obviously doesn’t work for Anonymous.

 

 

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Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

Obama to sign NDAA – Neverending Destruction of America Act

President Obama signs NDAA
"I know you're tired of hearing it, but just to be sure: now we CAN kidnap US citizens with this, right?"

Washington, D.C.– Good, patriotic Americans applauded yet more consummate abuses of power Thursday as US President Barack Hussein Obama demanded provisions to the National Defense Authorization Act to “make no exceptions” for the indefinite detainment of “US citizens and legal residents.”

The security-enhancing provision to kidnap and indefinitely detain unsightly US citizens was later put on his desk after Obama rejected the annual funding bill because military powers were not extended to encapsulate the livelihoods of every American citizen.

“I think it’s just the greatest thing ever,” said Sally Melbank, 44, of Roanoke County. “It’s exactly what this country needs and will hopefully get rid of what it don’t.”

Enhanced noise ordinance law enforcementAmerican citizens deemed to have misused their sweet, precious freedoms can – and will – be tortured not only on American soil, but moved to secret prisons around the world – for their entire lives – if necessary.

“You could be engaged in terrorism,” said chronicle.su political analyst Tony Minginle, who worked with bill co-sponsors to ensure language used in the legislation was as draconian as possible,

“Or you could just be a donator of funds to a deemed terrorist group, such as Wikileaks. Or you might be doing nothing at all. For example, maybe you just write satire for a subversive internet publication because you like saying crazy shit. Perhaps most importantly, we’ll never know because you do not get a costly and time-consuming trial where time and tax dollars are wasted determining your supposed innocence.”

“Fuck it,” he said. “Let God sort ’em out.”

The legislation represents brave defiance of human rights to personal freedom and due process. By this point in American history, open assassination of US citizens, abuse of power, and squelching of free speech have become commonplace and codified. WATCH YOUR FELLOW AMERICANS SUCCUMB TO GOVERNMENT PRESSURE 9 PM AFTER COPSProvisions to the NDAA merely serve to clarify the US Government’s basic contempt for rampant freedom on a level “even FOX News viewers can understand.”

If you are deemed to be a “supporter of Al Qaeda, Taliban, or associated forces, you can be detained by the military and held indefinitely.”

And that is why we have decided to announce our official support for Al Qaeda, the Taliban and associated forces.

CHRONICLE.SU PROUDLY SUPPORTS TALIBAN ACTIVITY

It’s the American thing to do.
 

 

Old Brutus, “Debbie Downer” and ex-leader of CHRONICLE.SU, was approached by journalists for comment on this delicate matter. After some argument over his affiliation with the underground hatesite, he objected to our presence but also had this to say:

We’ve lost all our rights and the regime is, by now, totally fascist.

If we make it to the year 2014, that’ll be the year all hell breaks loose in America. We’re stranded in the middle of an ocean of dung, walking on an oil slick and somebody just struck a match to the god damn thing.

The police are never punished, but rewarded, for bad behavior. The government is dedicated to maximizing profits. The people are cows.

And how?

I’ve never felt more certain about anything than the doom hanging over us.

We’re fucked. But please take this as a token of my condolences.

What a kook, AMIRITE!?

Cheer on the erosion of your own rights as you fulfill the prophecy contained within this mujahideen chant.

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Categories
Reviews

How Kim Jong Il wanted to die

Tall as fuck.

Chronicle investigators and systems analysts used scientific image analysis to determine Kim Jong Il may have been pulled tragically apart in a violent factory accident.

TALL AS A MUG
How did Kim Jong Il hope to be remembered?
Chronicle investigators conducted scientific image analysis to determine Kim Jong Il was "taller in death."
The Posse
The Posse
Who's that standing behind Kim Jong Il?
Who's that standing behind Kim Jong Il?
Historic photographic reconstruction hate filled manipulation of extrinsic cloned hormone mechanitheraphy treatments provide a glimpse into the preferred reality of our transcendental dictator.
Historic photographic reconstruction hate filled manipulation of extrinsic cloned hormone mechanitheraphy treatments provide a glimpse into the preferred reality of our transcendental dictator.