US GOVERNMENT detaining anyone who calls them fascist

Accusatory reporters are being arrested to prove how fascist the government is not becoming. . . .

Nutritionist declares recent poop a success

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur enjoyed a “soft, but firm” poop Thursday.

In what might have otherwise been an uneventful bowel movement, Chronicle nutritionist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur noticed a peculiar softness and consistency in Thursday’s stool, such that he was moved to turn around and declare the specimen “a major success.”

“A . . .

Gamer retires from life as time consuming Diablo III career takes off

Jim Hannahan, pictured during his last known public appearance, smiles comfortably just outside the wretched clutches of a long and rewarding Diablo III career.

Roanoke, Va.– 28-year-old Kroger clerk Jim Hannahan stopped going into work when he realized being a cashier at the supermarket was not only beneath a level 60 Legendary . . .

Taco Bell employee derives pleasure from serving you

Only masochists eat and work at Taco Bell . . .

Fireworks dot com

Well kiddos, I’ve been to both HELL and HEAVEN, so here’s what I have to report. Listen up, because this is important!

Anonymous is NOT the “final boss” of the Internet. The Internet is actually NOT a video game. If you take everything you read seriously, you might end up starting a cult. Starting cults . . .

A Song of Ice and Fire Conclusion Leaked by UGNazi

Anonymous hackers from UGNazi have infiltrated Geroge R. R. Martin’s personal computer and found a rough draft of the next two installments in the Song of Ice and Fire series made famous by the HBO Game of Thrones Series. I have had the pleasure of reading these manuscripts in full. Spoilers are as follow:

Jon . . .

Luka Rocco Magnotta framed by enemies

Canadian police: “It’s just disgusting . . . that someone [deleted] would [deleted] frame [deleted] Magnotta . . . who obviously [loved] his victim.” . . .

th3j35t3r brings the heat down on Wounded Warriors

UGNazi's leader: Dana White?

Self-styled “Patriot hacktivist for good,” th3j35t3r, has famously used his platform as a criminal vigilante to solicit donations for the Wounded Warrior Project. The Wounded Warrior Project came under attack early Friday morning from a possible Anonymous splinter group known as UGNazi, which insistently denies any affiliation with . . .