WDBJ7 attacks local EMT Tracy Rolan

Her name is Tracy Rolan.


NYDailyNews reports:

Former porn star Harmony Rose is volunteering as an EMT for the Cave Spring Rescue Squad in Roanoke, VA. While covering the controversy that her new post has stirred, WDBJ reporter Justin McLeod pointed out that the rescue squad has probably never had a volunteer like 29-year-old Harmony Rose. “She’s a former porn star,” he said, “Just Google her name and you’ll find hundreds of pornographic videos of hers.”

The kind of sick sexist parody at Chronicle.SU finally hits local mainstream media.

Roanoke County leaders in collusion with executives at WDBJ7 have seemingly manufactured a smear campaign against EMT volunteer Tracy Rolan. This depraved lapse in Journalistic ethics has created a “legitimate” reason to remove Rolan from the rescue squad. County Attorney Paul Mahoney has implied that the former sex worker may not be capable of  maintaining “trustworthiness” or “public esteem,” and that he would support the firing of Rolan only if it caused embarrassment for local emergency response workers, as this manufactured “controversy” was designed to do.

It seems clear that Justin McLeod has no respect for women, journalism, or the Emergency Response workers of Roanoke County. Instead of informative local news, Roanoke is left with this scumfuck tabloid rubbish which failed to even name Rolan, reducing her from a human into an objectified persona created only for porn.

In response to the manufactured “controversy,” WDBJ7 has removed the suggestion to google Rolan’s porn videos. Insiders from Burlington Coat Factory report that within WDBJ7, the issue has not been mentioned by managers, and totally “swept under the rug.”

Last Summer reporter Holly Pietrzak of WDBJ7 accidentally uttered the word “fuck” on television and, according to an anonymous source, was quickly suspended for several days. According to a statement made on Roanoke.com, “Pietrzak, who has been a reporter and weekend anchorwoman at the station since 2005, apologized at the end of the broadcast. She deferred all comment to Marks, who said that she won’t face any disciplinary action.” Lies! This disgusting attitude towards women and truth has come to be business as usual for the scum-sucking liars at the world’s worst local news station, WDBJ7.

“I don’t see what the big deal is! It’s not like she was doing interracial.” ~ Area resident, Monty Parche

Our anonymous source from Burlington Coat Factory has also stated that Justin McLeod, hatemongering writer of this sexist smear, faces no disciplinary action, nor does Dan Dennison, News Director.

Floods of prank 911 calls from the Cave Spring area, mostly residents allegedly suffering “priapism,” have caused delays for emergency workers. Tracy Rolan has not yet made comment, however, but if there is any justice, she will sue the everliving hell out of WDBJ7.


The film you are about to see may shock and disturb you, especially as a DPRK national living on US soil (God help you).

It is the sad duty of [ALL SOVCHRON EDITORIAL STAFF] to fulfill the wishes of Our Dear Leader who shares the opinion that there is simply no other alternative than to illuminate the hidden perils of the Western Imperialists and their pernicious threat to our glorious nation.

You may feel compelled to look away during certain moments, but for the Glory of God do not avert your eyes!

These revelations are the direct result of the miraculous visions of Our Eternal President who, in his eternal wisdom, commissioned intellectual observers [spy nationals] to Seoul for evidence collection of this threat against the DPRK and innocent citizens worldwide.

Top Headlines May Trigger Rape Memories


New leaks reveal hate-filled war financiers are mainly YOU

Even Bill Maher supports the extrajudicial murder of ousted Libyan leader Colonel Gadhafi. Who supported murder when Robert Kennedy was shot? Who supported Murder when Martin Luther King was shot? Who supports war when protesters are maced and beaten and arrested by the hundreds for sitting in parks to make a statement? Oh, that’s right. THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD DO SO THAT CORPORATIONS CAN PRETEND NOT TO. Is it because the police are the only guaranteed union left in every state in America?

“Shut up, liberal hippie ass communist FAGGOT. Go listen to All Along the Watchtower and shoot up pot so the adults can work, OK? Thanks.”
-Raleigh Theodore Sakers
President, Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Their money comes directly from mega companies to protect them. It used to be they only had to pay the politicians. This time they had to go to the Chiefs of Police. Let ’em. Every arrest goes into a national total and unlike your vote, folks, these count. The rapes don’t, though. The following never occurred:

“There was a finger went in my vagina during a search. I applied for therapy recently, and they rescheduled my intake. They said with all my problems, it’s going to take longer to get me an appointment with somebody, and that was my fault, they said.”


We got Gadhafi recently.

Found him in a hole. NATO and U.S.-backed forces shot him like you’d do an oppressive dictator that you find in a hole.

In a spontaneous celebration of the death of all respect for International Law, black-and-white thinkers everywhere hailed the private assassination as the finest-looking murder and cover-up to take place since al-Awlaki.

More on this as the Pentagon allows us to report it.

This story is brought to you by tender memories of former editor Frank Theodore Mason

Frank Mason to leave chronicle.su forever

Why? Why is chronicle.su this hateful black enterprise I can not even stand to look at anymore?
Why do I no longer like this place?

Seriously, I’m about to pull a Geo because there are just too many bad vibes around this hate hole. I’m sending up a distress flare because I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’m no longer funny, this website isn’t funny, we are just hurtful abusive people with no respect for dead children or their grieving families.

I used to think chronicle.su was a bottomless source of ironic lies but now I’m not so confident in that assertion. Sure, there are 35 people staring at DEAD LIL WAYNE at any given moment, but it’s not like they can read anyway or else they would already know he is “alive,” whatever you take that to mean . . . But I’m not talking about just trying to make the a sound for apple and pronouncing cat, but really reading – and comprehending – the world around them.

Literate individuals don’t fall for LIL WAYNE DEAD and park on the webpage all day, and spread it around without checking other sources. Okay, dying AIDS-infected Africans were crossing the Sahara to register their grievances at the metropolis internet cafe. So what chronicle.su has proven to me in the last nine months is worse than anything I could have ever imagined without performing this experiment for myself:

1. There are more stupid people than statistics could possibly account for, and yet I’m astounded by the numbers.

It took “readers” an average of almost three minutes to determine how their favorite rapper actually died of AIDS before anyone knew he contracted it.

2. I am a toxin. If there’s anybody I can think of besides our last fourteen presidents who deserves brain cancer, it’s Lady GaGa for making anti-intellectualism appear sexy and appealing, and yet I am the one who made people cry announcing she has brain cancer.

But since I did it anyway, check out this video of the some little girl freaking out about it or something. Or don’t. Just go the fuck away now.

Lady Gaga! She wants to be like you when she grows up. A vapid, expressionless sellout! GOOD WORK, WHORE.

Nothing is funny anymore. Nothing is surprising. Anonymous is dead, and even that is kind of sad because it was so funny to watch internet losers migrate the handle from DDoSing Hal Turner, to blocking up a fake swimming pool in Habbo Hotel, to Scientology, and all the way back around again to DDoSing bank websites before finally getting arrested en masse. Yummy yummy honeypotty! Now we’re wasted, now we’re screwed. Now I’m bored. So what the fuck is next?

ANSWER: I don’t give a shit. I am going to lay it all right out for you. I know by now we have some fans (people who hate us are “fans,” too, by the way) and for some reason you keep coming back here to see if I replied to your meaningless comments, to see if your shitty, grammatical atrocities are making a difference on my own fake opinion (they don’t), because you might feel that you’ve somehow caused a tree to fall in the forest – and for everybody who heard it, no one paid attention. Not even me. Especially not me. And I am writing now to inform you– no, to ask of you– no . . . I am just writing. And that’s how it’s going to be. That’s what I’m laying down.

I’m a cunt sliver . . .

Frank Mason

If you ever once came to this website and thought I was writing to you, for you, about you – even if I was – I don’t want your feedback. I’m a cunt sliver away from turning off all the comments, globally, and firing material into your blank eyes with NO POSSIBLE RECOURSE. ZERO. Because I’m tired of you. I’m tired of the pressure. I’m tired of this broken, hateful website, and I’m tired, most of all, of hating this place I (ironically) designed to be hated.

I’m DONE with it. I’m done with you festering, stinking maggots who sallow each article. I’m done with your cute usernames, multiple IP addresses, multiple fucking usernames, and every combination inbetween. I’m done with your tired little surmises. I’m done with your discussions. I’m done with the chat room, the radio show, and most importantly – in case I haven’t yet made it clear – I’m done with you.


Stay tuned for my absence.

Frank Mason is gone.

Geo leaves chronicle again as Kilgore insults favorite author

Geo Gillenhall, abandonment enthusiast, left chronicle.su again Tuesday after Kilgore Trout insulted his favorite drug abusing author, the legendary Hunter S. Thompson, famed author of Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972 and Hell’s Angels – the book that got his ass beat.

Upon learning the news, Kilgore Trout pronounced all sacred cows sacrificed – especially Geo, who is given up for sacrifice on a routine basis, beyond comedy, beyond usefulness, beyond what attention he might even reasonably be owed, which is already nothing. It’s just senseless, really.

The roulette wheel, if it spins, could slip any number of sacred icons into the proverbial gallows: Charles Manson, perhaps, or Media Mogul Rupert Murdoch – or even Topiary.

A ghastly apparition spawned within your heart and exited through your eyes, heating your face along the way. Hot with rage, your butthole tightens at the mere possibility of reading something negative about Lil’ Bitty Topiary, the sacred jewel of the butthurt 99% Fagsec and Fucksec, Childmolestersec, Freesec, Sucksec and Dickseck anonymous.

Sweet Lord Baby Jesus have mercy and cast no furtive eye upon the innocent and holy and non-credit card-mining Topiary of LulzSec Heavenly Christ.

Geo is scheduled to silently return by the end of tomorrow’s article, unless something comes up like the screening of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at his religious bible study school independent film group, to which he does not belong because extracurricular activities are for fags and Geo’s a winner.

Where da weed @

Man claims four lives amid chilling case of the Mondays

Houston–SlaveTech Enterprises office monkey Harold Strafford the Third opened fire on his colleagues Wednesday after contracting a rare, unseasonable case of the Mondays.

Police respond to brutal office slayings
Police responded with deadly force. “This is like no case of the Mondays I’ve ever seen,” said Officer Mike Fish. “Today is Wednesday.”

Mario Kline, 32, described the gripping moment Strafford decided to murder his colleagues. Strafford stepped Kline’s wounded body just before succumbing to a hail of gunfire by responding officers.

“He strafed down aisle after aisle of cubicles, pumping a frenzy of lead into anything that moved – and all the computers. Especially the computers. It was horrible. I had all my porn on there, and some people are dead.”

Shotgun blast after shotgun blast, Strafford killed four people and injured seventeen others. Among his victims were two office clerks, a member of upper-middle management, and the secretary who greeted him at the door. Each victim was shot in the mouth.

Strafford’s attorney, Leo Steinbrenner, told reporters his client was “under a lot of stress” Wednesday, and had no patience for people constantly asking him what was wrong. “He was just having a case of the Mondays,” Steinbrenner explained, adding, “Sure, my client acted out of line; sure, you can call it a murderous rampage. But in a bad job market, my client is a maverick. [emphasis added] You can’t say he isn’t thinking outside the box! Try to look at it this way: my client is a job creator.”

A note found on the gunman’s untouched desk exhibits total loss of control as Strafford ultimately succumbed to the will of his unsuppressed rage, and urge to create jobs:

USELESS ENVisioning a pick-axe in your fucking face of raw bone
pure fury hatred “Bella Mew. Monday. Wednesday morning murderhate.”
Little faggot daughter suck a dick find a man, try to escape this loveless land,
I dare you little whore–
Try to escape
My murderous hand.

“Old Brutus,” SlavTech custodian, said Strafford confronted him in the middle of his killing spree. “He looked me in the eye and said I’ve got a lot of work to do – ‘after all this’ – cleaning up blood, and guts, and stuff. He said he had no hard feelings toward me, mostly because out of all the weed he ever smoked in his life, he said just about all fifty pounds of it came from me and my people.”

Harold Strafford seen here suffering from case of the Mondays
Harold Strafford, just moments before snapping into a psychopathic killing spree.

No word yet on how the family’s victims will cope with today’s brutal tragedy, but sources are already reporting intake of marijuana, alcohol and barbiturates to ease the pain of losing a father, a brother, a son, a daughter, wife, a sister, a close friend – all beloved office drones – all sacrificed at the hands of a case of the Mondays.

Our prayers and the prayers of Lebal Drocer, Inc. go out to the SlavTech Corporation whose untold suffering won’t be felt until Monday, when Human Resources must undergo the arduous task of listing several job openings on the Internet date rape site craigslist.org.

Commander X “allegedly” spotted in Montreal

His hat IS a little pulled down, and his backpack is a little expensive looking.

A picture “allegedly” of famed Anonymous escapee hacker Commander X sitting in the streets of Montreal appeared three days ago randomly from an “ănonymous” source. All exif data has been cleaned, so there is no way to possibly verify the eyewitness account confirming his identity or the image itself existing at any date or time. The image shows a city that could be any city at all, so law enforcement will be sure to track him right the fuck down in no time flat.

So there you go! This data is about as useful as a shit and the elderly homeless hacker roams free, yet again. Where are you batman?

Hunter S. Thompson Sucked

I found this pathetic picture of “Thompson” on Fox News, today’s leading source for “Gonzo” journalism. He’s dressed to the nines, just like his cartoon identity!

Hunter S. Thompson was a human being until he wrote himself into a hero myth. It’s not that he wasn’t a great writer, he certainly was. His problem was living some thin fucking bullshit persona until the popularity of that lie killed him.

Thompson surrounded himself with sycophantic admirers and in going after “bastards” became increasingly like those “bastards” until his end. The man got complacent, and died as a fucking self-absorbed tragic cartoon on a neverending quest for women and fame.

Although an American icon for bad journalism, Thompson left a hateful trail of idiosyncratic beliefs that haven’t aged very well. In the audio commentary for Fear And Loathing, Thompson continually lets out screams from snorting Amyls as he spews homophobia. I’m sure he thought it was very funny at the time, and shit, he was the king of funny! The decider! In the documentary Breakfast with Hunter, the coot bedevils Fear and Loathing writers, chasing them from his “compound” because they wanted to turn his cartoon story into a cartoon. There is nothing more pathetic than an angry old cartoon persona crank raging out over the despoliation of his sacred work. At least the geezer had the balls to do it himself.

I’ve only read a single book by Thompson, or more accurately, I’ve only listened to the audiobook of Fear and Loathing because everyone made a big fuss about him being some kind of godlike writer. I laughed some, and was forced to watch all the documentaries, but in the end he was just another drugged out self-mythologizing lunatic on a power trip from hell.

Fuck Hunter S. Thompson. I’m glad he’s dead.


The Metapunk Manifesto


The Cypherpunk dream looks like Julian Assange and nobody’s inside the Matrix fighting with Wintermute. The Internet, however, is filled with flying penises and people are trying to ENJOY this damned thing without falling into absolute doubt about every possibly fake piece of information. Thankfully, the art of Rhizomatics has been perfected by the Philosopher and Free Energy Mogul Alrart.

A primer for students of Rhizomatics (It’s like Marxism for Social Media!)

Social Media is quickly becoming the primary vector for all Media. Information from millions of channels comes in disjointed video clips, image macros, and extraordinarily deep hypertext messages. The ideal Metapunk is immersed in this torrent of information, both learning from it and teaching constantly, plunging forever into the abyss that is internet knowledge.

A novel approach to learning

The ideal Metapunk is a Metadidact, or one who learns mostly through the small bits of information passed on by others. Rhizomatics has only begun to study this new dynamic, but Metaknowledge is only different from traditional academic knowledge in that it does not come through a course of directed studies, but rather a self-determined exploration process which may span a wide range of disciplines and include even the most advanced materials. Guidance from experts and firm understanding of the importance of context is the only way Metaknowledge can even be made useful, and experts in all fields are obligated to become Social Media intellectuals! They must themselves become Metadidacts, but they need not participate in pedagogy!

The horrific Abyss of Knowledge

Metapunks and the world at large are forced to confront confused and archaic ideas for art, ethics, etiquette, and metaphysics in the uncharted territory of metaknowledge. Hoaxes roam free, and lies flourish. Anonymous and pseudonymous users confuscate the very ideas of identity, gender, and “geniuine.” Artificial Intelligence is sitting on our doorstep, waiting to be unwrapped, but what will we find inside? The only dose of skepticism hefty enough to deal with all these questions and uncertainty may not seem sane!

And it is insane, technically!

To survive, the Metapunk revels in multiple personalities! The best way to face the uncertainty of sockpuppets is knowledge of sockpuppets! Explore other personalities today! 

Banksy Desecrates the Western Wall

Orthodox visitors have been stunned to see this bold attack on the very religion of Judaism itself.

In what is turning out to be the worst case of popular sacrilege since the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy, Sunday, the infamous street artist Banksy boldly desecrated the Western Wall with an absurdly simple and gratuitous anti-war message in a contrived media event designed to boost his own brand of so-called “anti-celebrity.”

Orthodox Rabbi Shlomo Amar has called this incident the “Worst outrage since the holocaust, and all Gentiles should be punished unequivocally and without discretion.”

Cultural Critic Slavoj Žižek deconstructed, “My God! It’s as if God has no clothes!”

Conspiracy theorists in Israel have identified “Banksy” as a Muslim citizen of the UK named Hayed Al-Achmed. We reached Al-Achmed for comment, and he denied these accusations categorically and provided proof from his employer that he could not have possibly been in Jerusalem at the time of the blasphemy.

Nonetheless, the already tense and religiously charged situation in Israel has instantly degenerated. Seemingly taking this event as a cue, at least 70 rockets have been fired towards Israeli settlements, and Israel has been accused of launching White Phosphorous munitions from drones onto Exploited Palestinian Ghetto Cities.

Banksy has remained unavailable for comment.