Author: Hatesec

I am the hatest

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Health

“Abortion Showers” take nation by storm

Amazon Spring Abortion Sale

BROOKLYN—Kick off the layers, ladies, and I’m talking about those babies! Because “abortion showers” or “baby busters” in Korea, have taken the neighborhood of Bushwick by storm, transferring money for goods and services style.

First of all, congratulations…

Although this pregnancy may be coming to an end, you’ve still got something to spend for.

LEBAL-DROCER.COM has got what you need, and if you don’t need it, after trying it just once you’ll have to have it for the rest of your whole miserable life. Because once you taste this, you’ll understand that’s why we call it TerrorMax™.

One dark day you will realize why Lebal Drocer is right now pleased to announce the Baby Buster Sale, starting this Friday, and running all through April and May.

I’m telling you for the last time that in the same way a baby’s an illness that’s treatable, these bargains are downright unbeatable.

It’s a Steam Summer Sale for people who have sex!

WHAT’S IN THE BOX

it’s got
  • Pregnancy test, make sure it’s gone
  • Poppers and streamers
  • Baby Dust
  • Poppers
  • Champagne and cokcaine kit, with vintage style mirror like it came off an old car. You’re drinking for one, now.
  • Tissue box for if you regret it, which happens
  • America’s running concentration camps in El Salvador, okay do you really want to shit something out directly into this pit of despair.

Hi, I’m Dr. Troubadour. I was reading today story bout a scientist who got sad when his wife died. committed the rest of his life – decades to the torture of helpless baby monkeys for months on end, just to prove that they can suffer. Hey, yeah, thanks for that wealth of knowledge, Harry Harlow. I’m a modern feminist Doctor for the Modern Woman, and I think you know what means. I sell books, magazines, medicine, cars. Lebal Drocer, they do some good in this world, too. That’s why we partnered to create an abortion pill that is meant to be crushed up and snorted like xanax. Make the next one a molly, because that’s in there too.

In case we haven’t made ourselves clear, this deal is a limited-time offer. Abort that shit now Margot, because next weekend you are going to Florida with five of your very best drinking buddies.

[Editor’s note: This sad news comes as iconic child pop star Justin Bieber died after years of abuse at the hands of an industry designed to exploit and destroy him, and no one tried to stop it—A senseless, terrible tragedy that could have been avoided with a Baby Buster Baby Dust Bust Shower {Party}]

HOROSCOPES

ARIES

Over breakfast on the 27th, suspicions arise from unexpected places. Nobody knows anything about you. Trust the plan. Your lucky numbers: 3:15 a.m.

LEO

The sun in your sign illuminates that dumb expression on your face in line at the supermarket. Somehow everyone at the same time is going to notice you standing there, looking all fucked up and out of place. Someone mentions it to the store manager. An announcement will be made on the 24th. Keep your phone on.

PISCES

Present your birth certificate at LEBAL-DROCER.COM and PROVE you’re a Pisces. We will kill for you.

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Categories
Fashion Society

New guy shows up, already has a catch phrase

"was good, bossman" has taken the nation by storm.

NEW YORK—A Brooklyn man who showed up to a party as someone’s +1 arrived complete with a schtick, attitude, comically trucker shaped hat, and even his own catchphrase.

Andrew Aurenheimer, a relatively unknown but nevertheless charming young man, was invited along with his NYU classmate Therasa Baker to a gathering of friends in the publishing business. As the host opened the door, they were greeted with a staggering display of charisma, intelligence, luck, and perception stats.

“What’s good, bossman,” Andrew said, thumbs tucked into his denim jean pockets. “Thanks for having me. You must really trust Therasa.”

Instinctively, the host – named after a Revolutionary War hero – reached out to shake Andrew’s hand, whose handshake was firm and stout, its own array of muscle toned through years of firm, handshaking respect.

“DeLafayette Bournier, pleased to make your acquaintance.”

The host closed the door behind them, immediately followed by Andrew doing finger guns at the general crowd of about 40 partygoers, asking everybody was good bossman.

“Was good, bossman, he just kept saying it,” recalls attendee Angie Lloyd Weber, 34. “Ay yo bossman, let me get a hit of—what is that?”

Over the course of the night however, as Andrew continued repeating it, “bossman” started growing on people.

“I thought it was so cringe and stupid,” Jeff Namer later posted on Threads, the site formerly known as Twitter. “Do you work in an office in the 1920s? Nobody says bossman like that anymore.”

Others agreed. Still, something about bossman was just silly enough, and just catchy enough, to become the next big thing.

“Before long, we’re all saying it,” Angie said. “I’s calling him bossman, he’s calling me it. Somebody called the dog bossman, everybody laughed, and it was over.”

This is the story of how Bossman, once uttered through the static noise of irony, transformed to become the ultimate sign of respect at the highest echelons of all culture.

Bossman has spread so quickly in its ubiquity that it has even moved to replace “sir,” or “madam” in society’s most formal of settings. It is for this reason that it became news today, bossman.

Catch you on the flip, Chimmo.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Editorial Obituaries Special Interest

Julian Assange attacks deceased digital humanities author David Golumbia

Dr. David Golumbia died in the Fall of 2023.

INTERNET–For some reason, suddenly, David Golumbia is attacked after more than a year of being dead.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange went in on the late doctor during a twitter tirade on main.

Cyberlibertarianism: The Right-Wing Politics of Digital Technology

Dr. David Golumbia (posthumous release)

Suddenly, Julian Assange has attacked a dead guy. In Julian’s post on X, The Everything App, he said a bunch of shit. Read it below. Sources close to known individuals in contact with people working near the publisher of leaked governments say: Assange used X because it “felt right.”

David Golumbia lived his life making himself a threat to power.

FILE PHOTO: Assange received news of his failure in the Australian election and called on Anonymous to destroy his enemies.