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Categories
Fashion Society

New guy shows up, already has a catch phrase

NEW YORK—A Brooklyn man who showed up to a party as someone’s +1 arrived complete with a schtick, attitude, comically trucker shaped hat, and even his own catchphrase.

Andrew Aurenheimer, a relatively unknown but nevertheless charming young man, was invited along with his NYU classmate Therasa Baker to a gathering of friends in the publishing business. As the host opened the door, they were greeted with a staggering display of charisma, intelligence, luck, and perception stats.

“What’s good, bossman,” Andrew said, thumbs tucked into his denim jean pockets. “Thanks for having me. You must really trust Therasa.”

Instinctively, the host – named after a Revolutionary War hero – reached out to shake Andrew’s hand, whose handshake was firm and stout, its own array of muscle toned through years of firm, handshaking respect.

“DeLafayette Bournier, pleased to make your acquaintance.”

The host closed the door behind them, immediately followed by Andrew doing finger guns at the general crowd of about 40 partygoers, asking everybody was good bossman.

“Was good, bossman, he just kept saying it,” recalls attendee Angie Lloyd Weber, 34. “Ay yo bossman, let me get a hit of—what is that?”

Over the course of the night however, as Andrew continued repeating it, “bossman” started growing on people.

“I thought it was so cringe and stupid,” Jeff Namer later posted on Threads, the site formerly known as Twitter. “Do you work in an office in the 1920s? Nobody says bossman like that anymore.”

Others agreed. Still, something about bossman was just silly enough, and just catchy enough, to become the next big thing.

“Before long, we’re all saying it,” Angie said. “I’s calling him bossman, he’s calling me it. Somebody called the dog bossman, everybody laughed, and it was over.”

This is the story of how Bossman, once uttered through the static noise of irony, transformed to become the ultimate sign of respect at the highest echelons of all culture.

Bossman has spread so quickly in its ubiquity that it has even moved to replace “sir,” or “madam” in society’s most formal of settings. It is for this reason that it became news today, bossman.

Catch you on the flip, Chimmo.

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Categories
Editorial Obituaries Special Interest

Julian Assange attacks deceased digital humanities author David Golumbia

INTERNET–For some reason, suddenly, David Golumbia is attacked after more than a year of being dead.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange went in on the late doctor during a twitter tirade on main.

Cyberlibertarianism: The Right-Wing Politics of Digital Technology

Dr. David Golumbia (posthumous release)

Suddenly, Julian Assange has attacked a dead guy. In Julian’s post on X, The Everything App, he said a bunch of shit. Read it below. Sources close to known individuals in contact with people working near the publisher of leaked governments say: Assange used X because it “felt right.”

David Golumbia lived his life making himself a threat to power.

FILE PHOTO: Assange received news of his failure in the Australian election and called on Anonymous to destroy his enemies.

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Categories
News

Happy News Year!

Everything about you is scary.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen – but especially the ladies – on this evening of esteem and prestige.

Lebal Drocer is proud to present tonight’s following top story.

Dinosaurs on LSD are ripping apart your family, NOW.

Plus, tonight, on an all-new episode of Hate Radio billy and hatesec and kilgoar and good tyler not the bad one are going to be rustling, tusling, laughing, riffing, giffin and gaffing in your face, for 2.5 hours straight.

How’s that grab you?

Nothing?

Maybe this will tickle your taint:

BREAKING NEWS

Las Vegas, NV—Hide your pets. One more deranged person has been placed into Las Vegas.

Dallas-Fort Worth, TX—Dallas man kicked 88-year-old aunt to death, documents showed she saw it coming, powerless to stop it

New York—Someone kind of achieved their potential.

Salem, VA—Wasena Skate Park reopens to 230,000 skaters who immediately ruined the halfpipe

Waco, TX—Nothing

Los Angeles—A woman got Botox injected into her face, now wears a frozen expression of permanent worry

Backbeat—Word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now

INTERNET—Chronicle perseveres under near-constant threat of annihilation

Let’s go to the police, our only source, for tonight’s story.

Just a guy serving his community
Just a guy serving his community that he hates

Hi, I’m Officer Traylor. My first name is Officer. I was bred into law enforcement, born to do this job. Serving and protecting the community is my favorite thing to do with a gun. The Internet Chronicle? They’re piss ants. They’re nothing. I make $105,000 a year gooning in a squad car and I’m 50% more likely to hit my wife. Why? All different reasons, and in this case it’s because I’m gay but chose not to be.

Your feelings are valid at Internet Chronicle.

chronicle.su is your only source of fulfillment in that gray unloving hellscape of your own creation