Internet ChronicleI am the hatest
The chronicle.su is what would happen if websites could have babies. It is what would happen if the Huffington Post had a four way around the world with motherless.com, 4chon.org and pravda.ru but we don’t know who the parents are.
We’re integrating like a motherfucker baby.
Motherfuckers at the NBC
Don’t know how hard it is bein’ me.
All I wanna do is a drink a little, talk a little,
And fuck myself free.
God damn motherfuckers at the NBC
Censorin’ me.
All I am is God, All I am is wrong All I am is Cheech I am Tommy Chong. To each his own Far-reaching Internet government Subservient clone. FUCK YOU. I am the one I am the son Of benevolence won. I am the antichrist purveyor betrayer I am the gun. FUCK YOU. I'm not some confounding [you know who] some loud-talking resounding asshole like you. NBC: I am me. And I say Fuck you.
At least four high level Lebal Drocer Senior Executives are suspected of embezzling a total four and a half billion dollars from investors since 2007. [pullquote]
I am the antichrist
-Raleigh
[/pullquote]Authorities allege Raleigh Sakers, Lebal Drocer CEO, spearheaded the operation one day when he ran out of batteries for a personal voice recorder, which he never turned off. Ever.
These allegations, Sakers contended, are untrue.
If convicted, Raleigh T. Sakers, better known as the Transcendental Man, faces life in prison with no opportunity for parole. However, sources say this is nothing new. In 1987, Sakers was sentenced to ten years in prison for vehicular manslaughter when he was found guilty of intentionally running over a best friend in a brand new Mercedes E Class sedan.
Owner and proprietor of Lebal Drocer Holdings, Sakers enjoys a life of luxury and wealth through corporate sponsorships garnered from chronicle.su, the Elf Wax Times, totallyfalse.info and presstorm.com. Insiders, whose names which journalistic integrity compels us never to share, told chronicle reporters presstorm.com is an asset Sakers chose to let dissolve after its leadership self-immolated during the summer of 2011.
Sakers reportedly said, “I don’t give a fuck if it’s just one person. She isn’t doing a housewife’s work,” before slamming a door on the hand of his youngest daughter Mita, who is five and screamed out in angst when Sakers told the girl he “did that on purpose.”
Prayers of the chronicle.su staff and undoubtedly the entirety of her readership go out to Raleigh Theodore Sakers in his time of trouble. We would also like to recognize Pepsi Co., Starbucks, Genocide and NATO for all of their efforts in our similar quest for capital. Godspeed, and amen.
Amen.
Why on earth would they teach that in a public school when so hard the media fought against it? Show us the news in schools from now on. Let’s watch the war live this 2012. It really is the end times.
A vote of no confidence on voting. Remember when first ladies did stuff? I mean at least Tipper Gore made us look at awesome EXPLICIT LYRICS labels on our music (so the cool kids know what to buy). Michelle Osama, what’s she done besides smuggle terrorists across the border on Air Force Won? What’s she done besides destroy our economy? What’s she done besides live off welfare? I’m tired of paying her way! I work. I pay my $65 in child support every month. Where are my government handouts?
Sometimes when I play the piano I feel like I’m hearing explicit lyrics. [the following is the sound of Old Brutus playing the piano: BANG YREAH BITCH PING PING PING PING BANG BITCH YEAAAAH]
I SAID I PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT. Where was you, bitch! Where was you! Where was YOUR DAD OBAMA (Kenya) when you needed child support? They don’t like government handouts in the fucking savanna either, do they Black Obama? Why you gotta fuck your own people man? It’s cool for people to shit you out in the desert and you can become president but Mexicans who do it can’t even be citizens? Fucking hypocrite. I say lynch ’em all! God damn it!
WHERE’S DARYN MORAN?
And now a message from our sponsor:
For ten years now, our researchers have funneled the Internet itself through our machines in an effort to bring you new and interesting news stories based on your interests. By looking for similar data points across a never ending feed of random occurrences, and by feeding you a rich, improved alternate version of reality, we can plot to a one thousandth of a percent exactly what you want to read, even what you want it to say. That’s the Lebal Drocer guarantee!
We get your dick hard.
