New York — Just when you thought there was nothing worse than a “male feminist,” some ineffectual men – who failed to score any pussy that way – are now taking up arms across every social media platform, becoming “allies” to the Black Lives Matter movement.
Traditionally, male feminists were easy to spot by their shirts, smart glasses, and stupid haircuts, meticulously styled with planned messiness.
Now indistinguishable from Greenpoint baristas, they are wearing all black and showing up to protest police brutality, in the national fight for justice and equality. A referee, consulting the rulebook, announces there’s nothing in here that says a man can’t serve his community by serving himself.
Terry McMillan, a 35-year-old bartender in Williamsburg, said it is high time he stepped in and used his white privilege to “throw the blacks a bone.”
“I hate racism, you know? I’m not racist, so I need to get out there and show it,” McMillan said. “I’ve been stuck inside my house for three months, and there are underserved people in my community who need my white validation now, more than ever. If I stay inside through this, I’m not helping anybody see me.”
White male feminist, and BLM ally Matt Charles recently transitioned to full black justice, and has been reading literature distributed by the New Black Panther Party, which he finds “very interesting.”
“These Hank Moody blacks are more than just a fashion statement,” said Charles, from McCarren Park in Brooklyn. “This dark Izod button-down is my uniform. My identity.”
Charles appeared near the back of the crowd on a bike path, with former feminist-ally-turned-antifa Melissa Stanley, where they were shooting on a Canon Rebel EOS T6i.
“I made sure to get lots of stunning angles of Melissa resting against her bike in various revolutionary poses,” he said. “Just seeing her grinning face at a protest for equality is going to make one hell of an impact on her Instagram followers.”
Stanley, who calls herself a news junky, held up her iPhone 11 Pro, pointing to the CNN app. She said she does not condone violence, offensive language, or the destruction of property or monuments. She looked fantastic in a smart V-neck and canvas pants.
“I just want our black brothers and sisters, when they see me, to know I’m one of the good ones. I’m an ally!”
A mutant amoebic enzyme that breaks down news content for recycling has been created by scientists working tirelessly at Lebal Drocer Laboratories in Van Nuys.
