Author: Hatesec

I am the hatest

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Categories
Politics

QAnon Leaks: Trump leverages second report to pressure Attorney General Sessions to stop Mueller probe ‘right now’

Trump and Bobby Mueller colluding? It’s more likely than you think!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A prescient Donald Trump scanned his audience at a rally in Tampa on Tuesday. He was greeted by his own underground army: QAnon. He beamed out into the crowd. They saw each other.

Even CNN admits the Russia investigation is a sham. It’s actually a cover story for special counsel Robert “Bobby” Mueller and Donald Trump working together to expose thousands of pedophiles hidden in plain sight. Hillary, Bill — even Barry Hussein — soon will ALL be under arrest!

Cryptic messages from proven hacker and Trump-insider QAnon suggest the reason Barack Obama is laying low since leaving office is out of fear for his reputation, as the QAnon leaks close in around him, strangling the extravagant lifestyle afforded to him by insurance companies, as repayment for that time he forced Americans to buy shitty insurance.

The GOP may have lost the Alabama special election for Jeff Sessions’ Senate seat on purpose: Where do you think President Trump picked up his flair for 4-D chess?

The plan was cooked up years ago out of Sessions’ desire to reveal the use of fraudulent voting machines, improving the integrity of future American elections. His plan expanded to include the removal of conspiracy power players such as George Soros, the Bilderberg Group, and the entire Illuminati.

Experts call the plan ambitious, but leaders in the field believe Sessions, together with the President, can pull it off (with a little help from a friend). Chief Political Strategist for the George McGovern campaign, Dr. Armstrong, F. Troubadaexeur, said the White House is calm and collected as they move their pieces into checkmate against enemies like Mexico, who would deflower, debase and subjugate our sweet land of liberty.

“I know the President said Jeff Sessions should stop Bob Mueller, and all that,” Troubadaexeur said. “I know he talks a lot about TV ratings. But probably what I know, more than all that, is everything – and I mean, everything – is going just as Father Trump intended it.”

QAnon

The Storm

QAnon is the force looking out for America. A cabal of global elites, including top figures in Hollywood and TV, the Democratic Party, and various intelligence agencies, are responsible for ALL the evil in the world. And now Trump is going to fix it all with thousands of sealed indictments. Hillary and Obama will WISH they closed Guantanamo Bay after the President is finished with them. And QAnon makes all this possible.

The QAnon report’s anticlimax did little to slow down QAnon Fever, which has gripped audiences and taken the nation by storm. That is why it’s called The Storm. That’s because Trump possesses another OIG report that would bring down his enemies (who are, by extension, our enemies) once and for all. The second report proves the FBI, Justice Department and top Democrats broke laws in a miserly effort to prevent Trump from taking power. Now, QAnon says, Trump need only release it.

Sweet Release

QAnon called on the President and Sessions to end the Witch Hunt, and dismantle Mueller’s apparatus of injustice.

“The president is not obstructing,” White House Press Secretary Sanders said. “He is fighting back.”

[EDITOR’S NOTE, chronicle.su: REPORTS INDICATE THE WHITE HOUSE FOUND A PRESS SECRETARY THEY CAN KEEP]

As conditions worsen, release of the second QAnon report becomes more imminent. Time is running out.

QAnon could soon set his sights on Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who has defended Mueller against accusations in Congress.

QAnon did not respond to numerous, repeated attempts for comment. He is invited to call in live Wednesday, August 1, at 11:30 p.m. Hate Radio guest call-in line: (917) 675-4836

This message is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

What about Seth Rich though?

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Categories
Special Interest

Internet Chronicle adds ‘Don’t Be Evil’ clause to its Code of Conduct, raising alarm

INTERNET–The Internet Chronicle’s unofficial motto has long been the simple phrase “The only news that matters.” But that’s over, according to the code of conduct that chronicle.su distributes to its employees. The phrase was added sometime in late Rocktober, or early Rocktember, archives hosted by the Wayback Machine show.

Some find the winky-face emoticon unsettling, but chicks dig it.
Some find the winky-face emoticon unsettling, but chicks are into it.

[pullquote]The lack of any reference to Evil has been deeply incorporated into Internet Chronicle’s overall lack of cultural responsibility.[/pullquote]”Don’t be evil” was never part of the company’s corporate code of conduct before now, even under an older name. When The Elf Wax Times was reorganized under a new parent company in 2010, the Real News site became The Internet Chronicle, and assumed a slightly adjusted exclusion of the motto, “Try not to be evil.”

Unfortunately, without any context or acknowledgment that “Don’t be evil” was missing from the website, it was difficult to remember a time when other versions of the motto also did not exist. However, chronicle.su retained its original “Be evil” implications until the past several days, or something like that. You don’t want to know what we were doing.

dr troubadour“It makes your hair stand up.”

–Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, Doctor of Astrology, Lebal Drocer University

The lack of any phrase referencing Evil has been deeply incorporated into Internet Chronicle’s abject lack of cultural responsibility–so much so that a version of the phrase has served as the wifi password on the three-plank canoes that ferry Chronicle writers over a canal of stagnant pollution, and into the fortified publishing complex located in a rural zone of Cuthbert, Georgia.

stacked up trailers like something out of Borderlands
Internet Chronicle North American headquarters (with rear-facing canal access)

Readers became suspicious. When they felt that because there was no outfacing motto instructing writers not to be evil, the assumption was chronicle.su might be doing evil things. They were right.

Despite this significant change, chronicle.su’s code of conduct still retains one reference to the company’s unofficial motto–the final line of the document reads: “Don’t Be Evil ;)”

“The winky face soothes and reassures audiences who need that sort of thing,” LD University professor Dr. Troubadour said. “And the words are there for people who believe words.”

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Categories
Local

2018 Scholastic Book Tour exposes young minds to ‘new worlds’ of shit they don’t care about

ROANOKE, VA — For children, reading or being read to during the summer months is a great way to keep their language skills sharp while out of school and to prevent the dreaded ‘Summer Slide’ into the same ignorance, apathy and mediocrity that is characteristic of the adults in charge.

In an effort to combat summertime ignorance, Lebal Drocer Indoctrination held a Scholastic Book Fair at Green Valley Elementary, where good Christian white children are known to go to school. The fair, held across various cities over the weekend, introduced children to new books for the modern kid, including such titles as Cayden’s Internet Daddy, The Bitcoin That Could, and strategy guides for livestream mumble rapping.

A six-year-old boy named Austin left with a plastic bag full of books and magazines (which is going straight into the ocean).

“We got to read about Derrick’s Two Mommies,” Austin said. “I got to the end and it was nice to see everybody getting along. But I am six. And I could not give a shit about somebody else’s lesbian parents.”

James, a seventh grader from New Bern, North Carolina, said he had already checked out every book in the library pertaining to his interests in UFOs and tales of space genocide, when he finally picked up a title he’d been avoiding all year: Judy Blume’s coming-of-age classic, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.

“On the cover it was some girl praying next to her bed, which – I don’t know – that looks and sounds like boring religious crap to me. All the adults acted like the book is a really big deal though, so I checked it out. It didn’t take long for me to return it. Actually I still don’t know what it was about. All I remember is it was really, really boring.”

James said that although Margaret’s strife felt alien and otherworldly in itself, he appreciated Blume’s insistence on dramatizing the long-winded, bland non-events of his peers, and got interested in other stories about chicks having periods.

“At the book fair I got a book that says Native American women – the rightful owners of this land – would go chill out in a hut during their periods. This was sacred time. Again, very boring, but this could be my new fetish. Who knows? I’m 12.”

The Lebal Drocer Scholastic Book Fair concluded around 4 a.m. Monday, with a ceremonial book burning, accompanied by a reading from Glenn Beck’s critically-acclaimed barnburner, The Overton Window.