Category: Editorial

It means ‘opinion,’ dumbass.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Hate

a chronicle christmas 2024

still
killing e celebrities
with the fakest drone strikes

CEOs of manifestos written in
in the dark like
artificially intelligent themes

still
busting out the death threats
viral marketing schemes
life hoax safe bets
green laser pointed right in your face

with each protection in place
and now as i drift into dreams
my internet chronicle’s safe
and sealed at the seams

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Editorial Hate

Haters of King Cobra plummet to new low point

All my homies love Cobra. We tell Goth Dangerfield jokes to each other around the office while drinking coffee. I take my lunch break and strap his latest streams into the video editor and throw together a few mashup episodes of Star Trek, so what about it? 
Then we all go back to our journalism. We’re writing the first draft of history and lording our power over you sick freaks. You can all get fucked. I’m done with you and all of your communities and glad the subreddits are dead and dying.
Your community will not be missed. You know what we’re  doing on my channel? Not stealing from Cobra. Not jacking to Jessica. I’m Not rebroadcasting the entirety of their streams, while they’re live on the air, and acting like it’s our intellectual property to recast in full, just because I can crack wise on a face cam. No sir, we make original content around here – plug and play is strictly forbidden.
I could simply remove dead air, add some spare sound effects, and highlight a few of Cobra’s comments and call it transformative. Not enough? How about some unattractive color correction. “That’s actually my trademark,” these dudes would say to defend themselves during the lawsuit. Well there’s two people stupider than Cobra. Bitesize Cobra can eat shit. Boglim Chronicles? They haven’t produced a gram of original content in years. Fuck ’em all. Pieces of shit. They couldn’t edit their way out of a soggy paper bag. Yet you get down on the knees, paypigging to these absolute hacks, leeches, BOTTOM FEEDERS who put in literal minutes of work. And you’re sending them money, for what? To satisfy some sick spite that you have for a man who has a mental handicap?
“Fuck sickos” ~ King Cobra
When cornered, facing down this uncomfortable yet undeniable truth, you freaks will say “But it’s not like Josh or Jessica could sue. They can’t afford a lawyer, and not to mention…” but I won’t repeat the insults, the punching down. I hope they do sue, and that they get twice what was stolen. At the very least, show some fucking minimal basic respect for what you yourself are, you decaying boglim species on the decline. You are the rot upon society. There is more hope for humanity in Cobra’s pinky finger than all of you sad, unoriginal fucks combined. Do us all a favor! Log off the internet and stay off of it.
Stealing and condoning stealing from a creator because you believe they can’t defend themselves is some of the most morally and ethically depraved reasoning I’ve ever seen, yet collectively and without reflection, this is what you’ve all become. Fuck you, you fucking sickos. King Cobra will continue to become more famous in spite of the patently false and smug consensus on his decline, and every day the clock is ticking until an advocacy lawyer sees a profitable and righteous cause in your utter financial destruction.
Maybe I’ll make some calls to some of my connections, ask around the office. We’ll set Cobra up, this one should be easy money.
“Clocktower Dreamhouse comin’ in nicely, toobz” ~ King Cobra
Oh, how I would love to see you creeps walk a mile in Jessica’s shoes, Jessica especially. It is beautiful what a soul can endure even in this world. What the love of Cobra and Jessica can endure. I hope they get married and live a beautiful life together and everyone except the sickos find a Jessica of their own.
Long Live Ozzy,
and Fuck The Trolls

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Editorial

Internet Chronicle trustworthy? Yes, chronicle.su is a trustworthy news source

Fact checkers work long hours without bathroom breaks in a chronicle.su "writer's room."
Quickly now, before we start to look pretty.

Hello and welcome to the Internet website, Internet Chronicle.

What’s the matter? Real news wrong and the wrong news is right? Not here. This is the Internet Chronicle, where you are wrong, and we are right.

Shut up!

Shut your brain down and focus on the words coming out of this website.

The news happened today. Did you know that? The news happened. You read it here first. News occurred, today it did.

You trust Internet Chronicle. You know truth when you see it, and you trust us. You trust this website to tell you when news happens.

A glance at our publishing schedule tells you that hard news is rare, with very little happening in between that would connect the major events reported here.

The truth is that between these stories, the undocumented world is scary out there. To step outside the doors of Chronicle headquarters – not that we would want to – is to exit into a purple swarming quagmire. Reality is an electrical storm of disconnected, unrelated events happening in every possible combination, all at once. There’s no way to properly report that. Not only has it never been done, it has never been successfully attempted. People who have tried are regarded as crazy, having returned from a land of madness, being touched by chaos and, rather than communicating it, they become it.

gaddafi in shades
What the fuck are we doing way out here in the middle of the desert?

Like water, an algorithm moves information along the path of least resistance.

At the Internet Chronicle, we eat brunch on the beaches of Algorithm River, watching from our signature stillness as a stream of content flows by.

From that river we fish out stories at random, flowing not with the water below, but charged by the winds of the lightning storm writhing in the sky, where everything smells like gunpowder and neutrinos cut the open eye.

Therefore, because you might remember how StalinGPT emerged two weeks ago, or Elon Musk screwing sex dolls past their breaking point in May, when drawing conclusions from these stories and how they fit together, it is important to remember the entropy shooting around in the miasma outside. Laser guided cats are teleporting in from some kind of spaceship in geostationary orbit. We don’t actually know who that is or why they are doing it.

In light of all this outlandish shit, it is easy to forget that Tucker Carlson died. It’s crazy out there.

That is why you read Internet Chronicle. We are here to help you make sense of this stuff.

Happy Juneteenth everyone!