Categories
Editorial

Hatesec writes Immigration Policy

Here’s your chronicle.su story: Eat A Dick, by hatesec.

Nah I’m just kidding, I know you want a real editorial. Here is my immigration policy. Fuck you, how about that?

Eat my fucking dick, everyone. That’s your story. Run with it.

Kidding! (not really, I’m the edgelord of this world, evil possessor)

The media is afraid to call epic spa shooter man a white supremacist coomer.

incel politics
“Politics”

There’s your REAL immigration story. Come to America where everybody hates themselves and, by extension, you.

“I am white. That is not my fucking problem.”

That’s OK, Chad, I got you covered. We’ll say it here. He’s a rotten, racist sack of shit, and the country is full of him. Don’t let anymore shitbags like him immigrate here, that’s my policy. Don’t even let them come in through a pussy. Kill them at birth, how’s that grab you?

I am saying the young man in the news, with a neckbeard and shitty haircut, should have been ripped out of his crying mother’s arms, moments after he was born, and thrown down a hot chute that feeds straight into an incinerator. Not because of what he did, but just because, why not? Who cares. His mother is obviously a miserable cunt anyway, or she would not have raised a killer. He would already be getting handjobs from roundeyes. We can’t take anymore chances. From now on, my immigration policy states that all Atlanta babies go down the fire-chute.

Right now we can support Mexicans*, Canadians, Scandinavians, and why not: Spain. Yes they’re assholes, but they’re a special kind of asshole, and they sort of belong here – not because they helped us kill off the Indians, and they did, and that was very ugly – but because they’re white.

I’m kidding. We need Spanish population because they had Occupy Wall Street before we did, and we got some of their best protesters. They are not afraid to fight the power. They show up. They will help people stop from drowning in the Mediterranean Sea while keeping the border closed at home. That’s the kind of hypocrisy that belongs here. Like the Eve Online player base, the Spanish are equally complex people. They are chill people ruled by a hateful, corrupt government, just like everyone else.

No Brits, thank you. You have done enough harm. We are now saying “Cheers!” stateside.

That’s it. Everybody out.

*The border wall is a joke, but keeping kids in cages is inhumane as fuck. I have an idea: Why don’t they make the whole border wall out of those cages?

Categories
Hate

Male feminists ‘transition’ to Black Lives Matter allies

New York — Just when you thought there was nothing worse than a “male feminist,” some ineffectual men – who failed to score any pussy that way – are now taking up arms across every social media platform, becoming “allies” to the Black Lives Matter movement.

Traditionally, male feminists were easy to spot by their shirts, smart glasses, and stupid haircuts, meticulously styled with planned messiness.

Now indistinguishable from Greenpoint baristas, they are wearing all black and showing up to protest police brutality, in the national fight for justice and equality. A referee, consulting the rulebook, announces there’s nothing in here that says a man can’t serve his community by serving himself.

Terry McMillan, a 35-year-old bartender in Williamsburg, said it is high time he stepped in and used his white privilege to “throw the blacks a bone.”

“I hate racism, you know? I’m not racist, so I need to get out there and show it,” McMillan said. “I’ve been stuck inside my house for three months, and there are underserved people in my community who need my white validation now, more than ever. If I stay inside through this, I’m not helping anybody see me.”

White male feminist, and BLM ally Matt Charles recently transitioned to full black justice, and has been reading literature distributed by the New Black Panther Party, which he finds “very interesting.”

“These Hank Moody blacks are more than just a fashion statement,” said Charles, from McCarren Park in Brooklyn. “This dark Izod button-down is my uniform. My identity.”

Charles appeared near the back of the crowd on a bike path, with former feminist-ally-turned-antifa Melissa Stanley, where they were shooting on a Canon Rebel EOS T6i.

“I made sure to get lots of stunning angles of Melissa resting against her bike in various revolutionary poses,” he said. “Just seeing her grinning face at a protest for equality is going to make one hell of an impact on her Instagram followers.”

Stanley, who calls herself a news junky, held up her iPhone 11 Pro, pointing to the CNN app. She said she does not condone violence, offensive language, or the destruction of property or monuments. She looked fantastic in a smart V-neck and canvas pants.

“I just want our black brothers and sisters, when they see me, to know I’m one of the good ones. I’m an ally!”

This message is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
Selling racial recognition technology to the police since before they were asking for it. Be sure to check out Melissa’s onlyfans.
Categories
Hate

Congratulations on a bright future at Lebal Drocer, Inc!

Who’s a good little baby? That’s right, consumer: You are. Because you chose Lebal Drocer products to complete your material and immaterial selves, you have earned praise and reward. And gosh darn it, aren’t you pretty!

That's right, yes you are.
That’s right, yes you are.

Yes, you are.

Hi, I’m hatesec. You might know me from the popular hatecast, Hate Radio, a slammin’ old podcast that’s been “kicking it old-school” since the year two thousand and twelve. Damn, that’s an old fucking podcast. Seems like more people would know about it by now. Huh, oh well. Do you want to see a picture of two dogs having sex?

Sometimes they get stuck together.

Let me be the first to welcome you to your first real job. You work for Lebal Drocer now, and the best part of all, is you are working for free! That’s right, FREE! By browsing this proud, glorious shithole, you become a data-rat hauling not just your data, but everyone whose metadata you ever mixed with, and you carry on your little rat back a pack of Lebal Drocer Data Crop Dust, a patent pending Supercookie-based malware that infects and spies on the people you communicate with. It’s true! Snowden said so.

At chronicle.su, we see your using our website as a give and take. You might come here to read hilarious jokes and career ending rumors, but what many of you don’t know is while you’re learning quality facts about the world, we are learning about you. We give you comedy, and take your data. It’s win/win!

Sensitive information, such as what you google, what you jerk off to, what you tell your girlfriend you jerk off to, and how big that lump on your winky has gotten since 2013, comprise a secret profile of the person we think you are – especially the profitable, and private parts! Smell that? That’s quality person.

And since it’s Christmas, we’re throwing in a limited-time offer to take away your healthcare, for free.

The Lebal Drocer Hate-Coil "Mind Over Matter"
The Lebal Drocer Hate Coil is the future of cerebral cortex projection.

It’s 2019, and there aren’t too many Christmases left in the chamber. So fire up the Hate Coil this holiday season, and astral project your richest manifestations onto the floor model television set in the family room, while the family gathers round, gawking in terror at your unbridled epiphany patterns. These sensations won’t last forever! Snap into a flow state and unleash the hate today.

Don’t forget: Never forget!