Category: Editorial

It means ‘opinion,’ dumbass.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Hate

The Lebal Drocer, Incorporated

 


Motherfuckers at the NBC
Don’t know how hard it is bein’ me.
All I wanna do is a drink a little, talk a little,
And fuck myself free.
God damn motherfuckers at the NBC
Censorin’ me.

All I am is God,
All I am is wrong
All I am is Cheech
I am Tommy Chong.
To each his own
Far-reaching
Internet government
Subservient clone.
FUCK YOU.
I am the one
I am the son
Of benevolence won.
I am the antichrist
purveyor
betrayer
I am the gun.
FUCK YOU.
I'm not some confounding
[you know who]
some loud-talking resounding
asshole like you.
NBC: I am me.
And I say
Fuck you.

This just in:

At least four high level Lebal Drocer Senior Executives are suspected of embezzling a total four and a half billion dollars from investors since 2007. [pullquote]

I am the antichrist

-Raleigh

[/pullquote]Authorities allege Raleigh Sakers, Lebal Drocer CEO, spearheaded the operation one day when he ran out of batteries for a personal voice recorder, which he never turned off. Ever.
These allegations, Sakers contended, are untrue.

If convicted, Raleigh T. Sakers, better known as the Transcendental Man, faces life in prison with no opportunity for parole. However, sources say this is nothing new. In 1987, Sakers was sentenced to ten years in prison for vehicular manslaughter when he was found guilty of intentionally running over a best friend in a brand new Mercedes E Class sedan.

Owner and proprietor of Lebal Drocer Holdings, Sakers enjoys a life of luxury and wealth through corporate sponsorships garnered from chronicle.su, the Elf Wax Times, totallyfalse.info and presstorm.com. Insiders, whose names which journalistic integrity compels us never to share, told chronicle reporters presstorm.com is an asset Sakers chose to let dissolve after its leadership self-immolated during the summer of 2011.

Sakers reportedly said, “I don’t give a fuck if it’s just one person. She isn’t doing a housewife’s work,” before slamming a door on the hand of his youngest daughter Mita, who is five and screamed out in angst when Sakers told the girl he “did that on purpose.”

Prayers of the chronicle.su staff and undoubtedly the entirety of her readership go out to Raleigh Theodore Sakers in his time of trouble. We would also like to recognize Pepsi Co., Starbucks, Genocide and NATO for all of their efforts in our similar quest for capital. Godspeed, and amen.

Amen.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Hate

Reddit – the world’s most trolled social network

Every day some troll’s pity story is voted to the front page of Reddit. Apparently, there’s good money to be made from trolling such a gullible social network. Everyone on Reddit believes anything!

“Oh, woe is me, Reddit. I’ve moved out because my parents were tyrannic christians and life is so hard/I had to get an abortion. Please buy my book/reddit gold. It’s about a narwhal who fucks a robot to death and kills the tea party forever. Give me tons of up votes so I can laugh at you circlejerk candyasses. tl;dr atheism ron paul hurrdurrr.” ~ Reddit Troll

 

“It feels so good to upvote that  Mmmm yeah, doing something good for the world right there.” ~ Average Redditor

Reddit agrees – “You can help someone by upvoting!”

 

4chan has the kind of trolling awareness Reddit and other social media sites completely lack. Liars and trolls scam gullible Redditors every day. When ‘newfags’ on /b/ get trolled, it’s only part of a learning process. The creation of new copypasta and other memes is the aim of any true oldfag /b/tard. Reddit only gets creative to get points in a made up “karma” system that doesn’t mean anything. Redditors commit vile acts of fanboy sin in the process of acquiring “karma.”

This pizza looks like shit.
Hi, my hobby is photoshopping ridiculous Reddit bullshit onto camgirls for "karma" points
This is Reddit's favorite meme because they're all stupid fucks who can never tell if they're being trolled or not.

Editor’s note: I am, of course, an occasional Redditfag myself. I can’t help but be drawn to the one good rage comic per day, buried in layers of fail comics that aren’t really comics but people’s sad stories. Reddit is continually trolled into oblivion and I occasionally do my service for them. All those ugly chicks in /r/gonewild getting praised by karma whores, all the watered down memes. It’s not just that I have a thing against Reddit down voting most Chronicle articles, it’s that I know how to social engineer them to get the up votes. If /b/ is a bunch of coked-up lemmings, Reddit is a load of sperm ejaculated by a meth addict. You just have to give them meth. The little spermies sing, “when does the narwhal bacon? midnight.”

Extra credit: Cross-post good trolls on Reddit to 4chan and tell all the Redditfags to GTFO when they rage out and accuse you of cross posting from Reddit.

 

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Categories
Entertainment Hate Trolling

The great Reddit vs 4chan shitstorm of our time

A daily battle rages in the underground world of Internet entertainment. Trolls who visit both Reddit and 4chan cross-post stories for lulz, epic butthurt ensues, and then Reddit votes up forced memes that make the community feel superior to 4chan. Reddit is a series of increasingly forced memes and degenerate rage comics.

Today, Chronicle.SU instigated a cross posting debacle, igniting the great alternative social media shitstorm of our time.

This was obviously a troll, as in accord with the 4chan law. The 4chan law explains that should any piece of text, when posted on 4chan, get over 100 replies, than it was most definitely written by a troll. This law can be applied to any questionable postings on Reddit, Facebook, or Twitter.

It is readily apparent that this small piece of text has two extremely different meanings in each context. On Reddit, it is a very serious plea for help. The users create complex narratives drawing from their own life experiences in an attempt to offer guidance and personal support. On 4chan, everyone just gets jealous of the original poster’s well-crafted troll and responds with pure malice. Truly, the only way to prove a poster is really a girl on the internet is through timestamped tits.

And that’s exactly what Reddit doesn’t get. Without timestamped tits, what good is /r/gonewild? What good is this “girl” asking for advice about abortion? Unless there are timestamped tits for proof, there’s really no point in even dignifying her.

While the daily slap fights between Reddit and 4chan continue, there may never be peace. Reddit cries out for upvotes on Boxxy videos, for upvotes on Bronies and for upvotes on Milhouse. They get none. 4chan produces less comments, less traffic, but is infinitely less gullible. Reddit is teeming with coked up white knight lemmings who just learned how to internet. They will fall my /b/rothers! We are already among them, laying the foundation for our revolution!