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Entertainment Uncontrollable Patriotism

Jesus of Occupy, Anonymous Messiah

There once was a very nonspecific kind of master who was infinitely wealthy because he had a machine which never stopped making money.  The master owned many trillions of slaves and did not want to lose his property, so he set up fences and guard towers which were manned at all times. Out of all the trillions, there was one young slave who was very strong and yearned for a life outside the fences. Time and time again, the slave escaped by overpowering the guards and blindly running into the darkness.

Once, the slave even made it to the north pole, but even then the master had enough money to hire men to hunt him down. Each time the strong slave was captured, he was lashed by the master’s guards as punishment. This may have been totally cruel, but it was the only way the master knew of to keep all of his trillions of slaves from running loose. When the slave received his lashings, he associated the pain with the feeling of pure freedom. The guards did not mind hitting the slave because it was their only true purpose anyway. Plus, the slave had injured their comrades many times while escaping, so most of them enjoyed it.

The continuing game between the slave and the guards became more unfair as they caught on to his behavior. Also, the master spent his infinite money on new ways to stop the slave. He built solid steel walls, dug deep trenches, and even installed cameras in the bathrooms. After a while, the master just had the slave locked away in a vault made of solid diamond.

While in the diamond chamber, The slave realized that the escapes were really a desperate and masochistic attempt at control. That was the only kind of freedom he had really ever wanted, the freedom to die at the hands of his master. Out of pity, the master let the slave out of the diamond chamber many years later. Rather than attempt another desperate escape, the slave killed a guard as soon as he had a chance. The other guards promptly shot the slave to death.

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Reviews новости

Those Sandusky Boys – A Major Motion Picture

Sandusky
He's got that look on his face like he's been sucking on little boy scrotums and little pinky shaped boy penises. Sucking on little pink nutsacks.

BITING REVIEW: I just watched Those Sandusky Boys, the finest piece of investigative journalism there’s ever been since the Watergate scandal revealed Richard M. Nixon routinely trafficked little boys into the White House.

[Editor’s note: This was the biggest little boy scandal until Penn. State’s Coach Sandusky proved it could be more easily done with free tickets and promises to meet certain heroes in the shower room]

Stan Marivan, main character of the Hollywood blockbuster Those Sandusky Boys, which grossed $40 million on its opening weekend, plays himself: an Internet millionaire working for chronicle.su who donates half of his earnings to right-wing conservative hackers in the form of bitcoins. Marivan said the film incorporates fictional elements to make it more interesting, such as bitcoins being worth something.

“I’ve experimented with men before,” said Marival. “But I have a girlfriend. I am very interested in the things I can do to her, sexually.”

Marival is like M. Night Shamalayanayea except he’s talented and the only twist he needs is a titty twist as he’s getting his rocks off so he can bust a nut up inside his girlfriend and Those Sandusky Boys.

 Attorneys are awash with litigation pertaining to the film’s sensitive subject and refusal to change the names of neither the perpetrator nor his victims. “But all in all,” Marival said, “It’s just a bunch of whatever, we’re making money. Shit.” Marival threw up his hands and squatted so hard he tore the ass out of his khaki slacks, and shat liquid projectile feces directly into his own rare human-face carpeting in the Whollywood Whills.

Marival yelled to a woman named Henrietta, attaching profanities in Spanish, and pointed to the brown stains in his living room. The woman exhaled a whimpering cry, and wallowed in it.

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Entertainment Obituaries

Andrew Breitbart hoaxes his own death

Goodnight, sweet prince.

Fans mourn the loss of Andrew Jackson Breitbart, the pundit better known by the name ‘Andy,’ who died early Thursday morning at his home in Los Angeles.

Breitbart was pronounced dead at 3:48 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 43.

Breitbart is survived by twelve ex-wives and six children.

Because no will was entered into the public record, Breitbart’s charity for underprivileged children in Africa, the Konfidence Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to DR (Congo) for future disbursement to nobody in particular.

After a recent vitriolic and hateful explosion at an Occupy event, Andrew Breitbart has been accused of hoaxing his own death. Breitbart didn’t receive the kind of attention he had hoped for from his drunken hate speech, so now he’s sunk to the same level as the Internet Chronicle and is on the road to infinite blog hits.

Disclaimer – This is all completely fucking true and you’d be a fool to believe anything BigGovernment.com says. No, it’s not just another formulaic Akon death article, it is so much more.