Corporate Rock sensation Redlight King was granted permission by Neil Young to sample [butcher] one of his finest works for the song.
The video features a skateboarder at the beginning, to rope in fans of Tony Hawk V or whatever’s next. It is cool.
Then, some undefinable hipster – wigger hybrids get in a fight, signifying the dissonance between the last generation’s ways and the pressures of today. So basically a confrontation between two irrelevant groups of people takes place, and you’re supposed to feel something. If your parents are white trash, then you can probably relate to what you see on-screen, maintaining the status quo.
Following this, a distraught-looking Weezer fan enters a bike shop and is confused by tires on the ceiling. The wheels in the sky keep on turning, maybe, but his life is obviously at a standstill – as signified by the fact he is in a Redlight King video. He thinks the motorcycle will take him places, perhaps now through his own bastardization of Easy Rider, minus the weed, because not only is marijuana for old fogies, but Redlight King tests for that stuff now.
The camera then pans across our straight-edge hipster biker-wigger moping in his Detroit squat of an apartment, while the words Old Man, look at my life shamelessly echo off the walls, washing over this embarrassment of a manchild you instantly identified with before realizing what a pussy he is; but it’s too late now.
He reviews disconnect notices for his iPhone and FiOs internet over a bowl of cereal, surrounded by pictures of a disappointed step-father.
Seeking fulfillment and quick cash, the antagonist enters a motorcycle race. He takes off and now you’re finally allowed to see a musical instrument, implying that Neil Young samples were not the only thing used for this song – that someone did in fact pick up a guitar, probably under duress, and most likely enveloped in anguish at the notion of having to resort to use of a talent. The lights are dim and we’re only shown the brief vibration of strings before the manchild reappears in a field after [losing] his motorcycle race.
The video ends on a disturbing note. Viewers discover that not only has the antagonist reproduced, he managed to score with a beautiful woman, ultimately creating this abomination:
Redlight King promotes unsustainable childbirth and theft of intellectual property. Neil Young is neither referenced nor apologized to throughout the course of the video, and you are dumber for watching it.
Redlight King is the trailer park hero of the modern South.
Redlight King is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Incorporated.
Osama Bin Laden has been assassinated by the United States Government under the command of Nobel Peace Prize laureate Barack Hussein Obama. President Obama strategically timed this announcement in order to hurt the ratings of Donald Trump’s reality television show. Trump’s comb-over has recently forced the president of the United States to release his long-form birth certificate, riding a populist wave of racial hatred. Trump has used reality television to leverage his position as front runner for 2012 Republican candidacy. This announcement is a blow aimed directly at Donald Trump’s dick. A crowd was planted outside the White House with cameras at the ready, conditioned to maniacally chant their nationalist fervor. 2011 will be remembered as the year in which television replaced reality.
Talking heads repeat the phrase “Bin Laden is dead” as Americans everywhere get hard-ons in anticipation of the moment when Obama will utter the phrase himself. Speculation on Al-Qaeda’s reprisal is used to strike fear into our hearts, a dangling reminder of the horrific images from 9/11. The terror threat level has been raised for the first time in years, in preparation for this incredibly important news. Terror is back, and it’s here to stay. Break out the American flag, because the fight is on.
Osama bin Laden is a figure who became irrelevant at least four years ago. His death is not a national security issue, it is a publicity stunt. Many believe that Bin Laden has, in fact, been dead for years from natural causes. Obama’s policy of death in Libya has been met coldly by his supporters until now. The masses now cry out in celebration for death.
Obama has already submitted a new schematic for the Oval Office that will allow him to maximize enjoyment of his next five years in office. The Oval Office is being converted into a propaganda machine full of gearboxes, timing belts, and terror-alert graphical representations – surrounding a hollow core in which Obama sits, naked, issuing liquid ideology from his pores which evaporates into hot air and is then blown miles into the sky.
Obama’s rhetoric was little more than a base appeal to emotions that heartlessly described the imagery of 9/11. There is no doubt that this self-satisfied speech will be repeated on the campaign trail hundreds of times. Nearly a million Muslims have been killed in revenge for 9/11, but the death of Bin Laden has justified it all. Obama concluded his speech with an invocation to the Christian God of America. Tea Party members are still convinced that Hussein is a secret Muslim.
Washington, D.C.–To the relief of all opposed to America’s involvement in yet another overseas conflict, President Barack Obama made a statement during air strikes on Libya that there will be “no boots on the ground.”
But more than a handful of sources say otherwise, and one of those sources is a Marine Special Operations Regiment soldier who is being sent to fight in the nation of Libya, where an unprecedented revolution is underway.
Just kidding. They're already there.
I spoke to a Marines Special Forces Lieutenant Friday who asked not to be named. He told me that in August, he will be sent to Libya.
“We’re going in, to . . . find something,” he said, shaking his head.
His eyes fell to the floor and bounced up and over my shoulder, and then into his clasped, wringing hands.
“Are you nervous?” I asked.
He stroked his stubble with one hand and with the other reached for a pitcher of beer.
“Yes,” he replied. “Very.”
He said he would soon be commanding troops throughout covert skirmishes and desert-crawling that no one will ever know took place.
The United States has returned Armed Drones to battle following NATO’s inability to stay on certain targets in Libyan air space.
Defense Sec. Robert Gates was asked during a Pentagon briefing, “Are we witnessing mission creep here? Are we going to just keep doing one slice of salami at a time as the U.S. gets further and further reinvolved in this operation?”
Gates replied:
“No, I don’t think so. I think that the president has been firm, for example, on boots on the ground. And there is no wiggle room in that that certainly I’ve been able to detect in his views. This is a very limited capability. He said from the outset that where we had unique assets that could contribute, we would do that. I think this is a very limited additional role on our part, but it does provide some additional capabilities to NATO. So no, I don’t think there’s mission creep at all.”
The young soldier went on: “Now, I told you this only because you said you wouldn’t tell anybody,” he said.
“You won’t say anything, right?” The Lieutenant looked regretful, because he knew I was a reporter. Yet somehow, his eyes told me he wanted the world to know, but for no one to know it was him who leaked the details. He seemed to want justice; justice which might prevent more of his buddies going needlessly into war. He spoke to me, like many others before him, on the condition of anonymity.
“People don’t realize what’s going on,” he explained. “We’re already in there, we’ve been there, we’re going there and we’re probably going to stay there. We rotate out, and right back in, just like anywhere else. But I don’t know what my orders are. They say we’re just going to find out what’s going on, so we know what to do next.”
Chronicle.SU correspondent and Washington Insider, Tyler Bass, had the chance to ask Colin Powell why President Obama said we don’t have boots on the ground, when we already have special forces and CIA in Libya.
Bass reported:
Tyler Bass: “How are you, General? So recently White House Spokesman Jay Carney has repeatedly said there are no boots on the ground in Libya. So has Barack Obama, but we have reports from the New York Times and other outlets saying in fact that there are, as well as CIA, which I guess is ‘shoes on the ground,’ right?
So why is – why is Barack Obama saying this? Why is Carney saying it? Or are they not aware, which I think is really unlikely? Or why are they saying it?”
Colin Powell: “They’re obviously aware of what’s going on, but what they meant by ‘no boots on the ground’ is that we were not – (off mic) –ground war – (off mic) – sending in our combat units – (off mic) – infantry or armor to fight these units on the ground, but to send in intelligence agents and –”
TB: “Or Special Forces.”
CP: “—or Special Forces –”
TB: “OK.”
CP: “—they are not going to be actively involved in fighting either the government or the rebels, but obviously it’s a way of gathering intelligence and helping the rebels fight more effectively. So there may not be boots on the ground – (off mic) – shoes on the ground – (off mic) –
The 24-year-old said he has already fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, but this is the most anxious he has ever been leading up to military action.
Upon return home, he will make many tens of thousands of dollars for about three months of action, half of which will be spent training.
“We’ll train for six weeks,” he said, “Then we go in for six.”
John McCain is currently out on a high-profile rampage through revolting Arab nations, where he has stated the United States should give firepower, weapons training and air strikes to Libyan rebel fighters, calling them patriots who are certainly not connected to Islamic extremism or Al Qaeda.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said the administration disagrees.
Carney said, “We think it’s for the people of Libya to decide who the head of their country is, not for the United States to do that.”
Philip Gordon, an American diplomat and high-ranking official in the State Department, said during a Pentagon briefing:
“I think it is important that we all support Mr. Khatib in his efforts, but also that we continue to talk among ourselves — that is to say, members of the broad international coalition that is working on the Libya issue — about what Libya’s political future might be, which, I want to underscore again, is really up to the people of Libya.”
“Oh. And whoever we send there and don’t tell you about,” said Tyler Bass. “I don’t want to sound alarmist or anything here, but they’re conditioning everyone for the ground invasion they say isn’t coming but eventually will.”
