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100 Molested Children Bring Class Action Lawsuit Against Hatesec Enterprises

Supple milky skin ‘No Excuse,’ say parents

At least 100 children were allegedly harmed at an event outsourced to employees of Hatesec Enterprise. Hatesec Enterprise is an Internet startup company sponsored by celebrity entrepreneur Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadauer and Lebal Drocer, Inc. The company’s mission statement states its primary goal is to bring jobs to marginalized white American citizens amid a nationwide influx of Hispanic, Latino and Middle Eastern wage earners.

Lebal Drocer Inc Touched All Dem Children
Documents suggest a controversial Lebal Drocer subsidiary designed to fuck kids may be responsible for at least 100 fucked kids.

The children harmed by Hatesec Enterprise are shielded by various child protection laws from revealing their identities, however they may soon reach an agreement preventing them from discussing the matter any further with anyone except for their team of pro-Bono attorneys donated by the kind hearted Lebal Drocer Association For The Advancement Of Fucked Kids.

Anonymous sources inside the company have revealed the scandal might have erupted from the so-called Sex Abuse “Hot”Line, a controversial wing of the startup company designed to put America’s worst sex offenders to work – a feat key social rehabilitation specialists said was impossible before now.

“We really should have seen this coming,” said Internet Chronicle Special Victims and National Security Staff Reporter Dan K. Story. “Their mission statement was to rape people professionally, and people are mad about this? I say everybody needs to calm down and let the free market work out a real solution.”

Story went on to explain the complex relationship between the Federal Government and free market economics: “If the government cracks down on this now, then we’re all going to be headed down a slippery slope of Big Government ruling every facet of our lives. See? This is why we need a domestic drone program.”

Past settlements have stated no children can speak publicly about Lebal Drocer, Inc. or its subsidiaries without express, written permission signed by company President and CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers. Such is sexpected to be the case as their hearing goes before the courts Monday.

This message brought to you graciously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

No children were directly harmed during the production of this news story.

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News

Sponsored Message From Hatesec Enterprises

Have you ever found yourself out of coin?

Are you tired of eating ramen noodles just to stay alive?

Have you ever thought about raping a neighbor for just one glorious moment of sweet relief?

Well, think no more!

Hatesec Enterprises bathes you with currency. Dirty bitch.
Hatesec Enterprises bathes you with currency. Dirty bitch.

At Hatesec Enterprises we offer career opportunities of all sizes and shapes ranging from brutal rapist, to jobs in the medical field, to offshore drilling to child care. We’re a human resources employment solution for every type of business in America, as well as a culturally-imperialistic outsourcing solution to overseas operations having nothing at all to do with the well-being of anyone. It’s exploitative!

Hatesec Enterprises is in no way responsible for damage or loss of health, home and/or happiness.

Hatesec Enterprises hereby relieves itself of all duties of pay including, but not limited to, weekly paychecks and severance packages which almost explicitly do not apply to anyone in employment with Hatesec Enterprises under the umbrella of Hatesec Empire.

Hatesec Empire is a proud member of the One Percent™, a Lebal Drocer, Inc. subsidiary.

This message brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc. Your ass belongs to us.

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Justin Bieber: Anonymous Psyop Shill

Bieber was seen wearing a Guy Fawkes mask in support of Anonymous.
Bieber was seen wearing a Guy Fawkes mask in support of Anonymous.

HOLLYWOOD — For the first time in ages, a fire raged through Bieber’s eyes. “The revelations of Edward Snowden do not have me in a state of existential despair. They have driven me into a rage,” Bieber said. “Beliebers, Unite. YOU can save America, and after this day none are true Beliebers who are not Legion. We Are Anonymous! Expect US!”

Bieber also announced a new Anonymous-themed album which will be produced by famous hacker Deric Lotsutter, the biggest name in the Anonymous rap world. Bieber said, “It’s gonna be one hell of a toxic combination of dubstep and HATE RAP for the establishment. It’s called The Revolution is Here.”

So-called “oldfag” Anons still agree that anyone can be Anonymous, but very few are happy about Bieber adopting the mask. Sabu, the former most famous Anonymous member, lamented, “I always said the weakest part of Anonymous was that it was so open. These days the IRC channels just seem like Disney World. It used to be a lot more fun, chatting on there with my friends.”