Category: News

Shit happens.

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Politics World

The President is a terrorist

President BarryBULLETIN: U.S. PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, MADE FAMOUS AFTER ESCALATING THE WAR OF TERROR AND BOMBING INNOCENT PEOPLE, IS MORE THAN A VIOLENT TERRORIST – HE IS AN INFORMATION TERRORIST!

BEWARE

Like Bradley Manning, Barack Obama privately lacks respect for the privacy of private communications sent to others in the private sector.

“It’s disgusting,” said Jeannette Benning, a Roanoke, Virginia stay-at-home mother.

“It’s un-American!” exclaimed a Dallas little league soccer coach whose court order relating to Penn State’s Men’s Football Coach Jerry Sandusky stipulates he must remain child-rapingly anonymous, or face punishment for being a dirty little sissy boy. Dirty, dirty boy!

Bush is now among the private sector
Bush is now among the private sector - click to enlarge, unless of course you're a faggot, in which case you can go join the military.

NOW FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR:

GO TO WAR, KILL WOMEN AND CHILDREN

LEBAL DROCER, INC.

According to anonymous insiders, President Hussein has reportedly abused his already heightened abuse privileges to abusively abuse his power to spy on George “Dubya” Bush Jr. – better known by young voters as “the one who fucked up double bad.”

“He dun goofed,” reported Senator Jay Walker “Face” McFakename III on the President’s recent crimes against all that is good.

The President is likely to start DDoSing opposition websites of Senator Mitt Romney as a result of irrational fears there are actually people who might vote for him.

President Obama is “single-handedly” combing through every confiscated email account for instances of his precious Name.

At chronicle.su we show no bias – We are an equal-opportunity social pariah – and are therefore compelled to run multiple advertisements to highest bidders, like Taco Bell, and State Farm, and proponents of abortion and Christian domination over all religions – at the same time.

NOW FOR A VERY SPECIAL MESSAGE OF HYPER-IMPORTANCE THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU’VE NEVER SEEN

FELLOW TERRORISTS! HELP THE WHITE HOUSE TERRORIZE AMERICAN CITIZENS TODAY! STARTING IN KENTUCKY. ENDING AT YOUR RANCID, UNAMERICAN COMPUTER.

LEBAL DROCER, INC.

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Categories
News

Geo quits again

THE INTERNET – Geo’s newest Chronicle Career took a turn for the worst Saturday after the 17-year-old PS3 addicted college dropout decided once and for all, again, that his beloved Internet newspaper has gone astray.

“I thought you guys were back on the right track after [redacted]’s article about [redacted], but with every celebrity death hoax you spawn out of boredom, my faith in you is just a little bit more eroded.”

Let me show you how it’s done:

[chronicle.su article by geo himself]

Up and coming stoner critic salutes self righteous indignation

I’m geohotz. Anonymous hacked Sony and later, the government. I think they are onto us, by the way dude, just to let you know. Smoke weed erryday niqqas you kno how I do, keyboard warriors represent 2012.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: this is actual copy written by Geo] when i first stumbled upon this site thanks to the hacking of the playstation network, i thought i had found a group of people with similar ideas and morals who had wisdom beyond mine they could pass on to me.
for awhile, that was true. and then later i was like no.
it dawned on me around the time of the Akon article that I knew far less about these individuals than I had thought. but i still knew they were so much better than me
While i still believe Brutus had somewhat good intentions in this endevoar, I can’t say the same for you Trout, you disgusting motherfucker. Even though Brutus wrote the Akon article. I’m still not sure about him. Hm. Wonder if he’s gay?

Dead soldier
Look at these dead and faggot soldiers. I bet he got his little dick blown off by an IED planted in a child's vagina. lol we're fighting three wars, and two in space.

And that’s why the chronicle sucks and I’m outta here. And I’m never coming back.

[comes back]

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Categories
Local Society новости

VCU Earth Day goes off without a hitch, “marijuana major contributor,” explains anonymous

Earth Day protest at VCU
Police retake control of a VCU Earth Day protest Friday.

RICHMOND – Police were stationed in and around various Earth Day tents where, among celebratory tye die t-shirts, crappy artwork and hemp necklaces, small pipes were sold, a clear sign that the non-aggressive pot smoking community are somehow winning the war on drugs.

Tents were allowed, and musicians were allowed to play at the event as long as they agreed not to mention the #occupy movement. Some did, and were arrested for trespassing.

Arresting officer Leroy T. Roane said one man kicked, screamed and spat in the faces of VCU security who attempted to escort him off the premises. In response to the offender’s jeering, Roane replied, “I guess you can arrest an idea, if it is trespassing.”

Walker Reddington, a Senior at VCU School of Psychology, witnessed the incident and reached deep within her intellectual capacity to surmise a reaction when she said, “Most ideas trespass all the time.”

Reddington, who was high, said the smell of patchouli incense attracted her to the scene. “I’m pretty hungry, though, so I’ll probably leave,” she said, adding, “Also I don’t have any money.”

Some of the cheapest, lowest quality items available cost one dollar and proceeds went to plants, rocks and mother nature, for whom there is no practical use of currency.

Trees can’t spend money.

But Uncle Sam can.

Uncle Sam
dun bought the internet