The Coca-Cola corporation has spent hundreds of millions of valuable US dollars on “independent” research firms who cast doubt on the faulty link between sugar-water and obesity.

Coca-Cola boasts power over more than a dozen British scientists, among them government health advisers, all of whom resist propaganda connecting obesity to the delicious taste of Coca-Cola.

The revelation of Coca-Cola’s science contributions follows a government refusal to tax the company, suggesting there could be some corruption in play. The leaker, who news outlets are calling “the Snowjob of Coke,” came forward on terrorist news network Al Jazeera to declare his jihad on dank American neoliberalism. A former contractor for Lebal Drocer Laboratories, the scientist doubts the benevolence of the Coke Original Formula™. He was all,

Doesn’t it seem like Barack Obama’s career was designed for two terms, though? The guy wasn’t exactly ‘going for Roosevelt.'”

The media are practically sucking this cock without paying tribute to the delicious good time of an ice cold Coca-Cola product. Nor do they acknowledge the frosty sheen of a 12-ounce can on a hot day in the sun. Fuck CNN, and fuck the police.

Share a Coke with your dialysis technician, and enjoy the refreshing breeze as your feet shrivel up like in the Wizard of Oz.

Barack Obama for Third Term, 2016

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