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Politics Religion

Humanity Party cult leader Chris Nemelka to introduce Donald Trump at Roanoke rally, promises ‘big truth’

ROANOKE, Va. — Trump aides confirmed Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, a neoconservative religious cult leader who plies his congregation with opioids, is scheduled to introduce the 2016 Republican presidential nominee at a rally in the quiet mountain village of Roanoke, Virginia.

Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, seen here comparing himself to Jesus, has thrown his full support behind Donald Trump and the Republican Party.
Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, seen here comparing himself to Jesus, has thrown his full support behind Donald Trump and the Republican Party.

Nemelke said in a podcast he supports Trump specifically because Trump stands for a stronger, militarized Israel.

Nemelke, who compares military funding to a hit of heroin – the best thing he says a Humanity Party member can feel – uses his position as a psycho cult leader to push for greater military spending and greater dissemination of military hand-me-downs to state and local police departments.

Nemelka, who believes no one but himself can experience a rare form of sex called “Ultimate Sex,” prescribes heroin as an entheogen to members of his religious following, whom he refers to collectively as “The Humanity Party.”

He will introduce Trump at the Roanoke, Va. rally on Saturday and has promised not to turn the event into a promotion for his book, The Sealed Portion (available everywhere books are sold), a researched, canonical continuation of the holy Book of Mormon, written directly from sacred plates only he and Donald Trump have ever seen.

Nemelka famously tricked Joseph Smith’s heiress into giving him her plot in the Mormon holy center, where he purchased a tombstone advertising his book and website. Nemelka unsuccessfully attempted to use the loose internet collective Anonymous as his proselytizing vehicle, and has since deleted videos from YouTube documenting his failed attempts to convert impressionable young Internet weirdos into book-purchasing, drug cult weirdos.

Together, Trump and Nemelka are expected to reveal the stones to adoring fans Saturday, Sept. 24 at the Salem Civic Center, a once-sacred Mormon holy site.

It is rumored staff reporter @kilgoar trout could report live from inside the rally, with tantalizing results!

Love rabbit holes? See also:

Christopher Nemelka’s Anonymous

#THumP offers fake reward to Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec

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Categories
Politics Uncontrollable Patriotism

Bernie Sanders refuses to stand for Pledge of Allegiance, in a protest backed entirely by dank memes

bernie promises new economic standard. “memebacks” to replace worthless currency “the dollar.”

After Bernie refused to stand for the pledge at Sunday’s 9/11 rally, the best pepes, the rarest pepe of them all have pledged allegiance to Bernie, and said “fuck the troops, specifically.”

meme backs take the stage as potential new world currencymeme backs take the stage as potential new world currency
meme backs take the stage as potential new world currency

the dank memer himself, bernie pepe is like “bring Snowden home boys. It’s football season, for Christ’s sakes.”

bernie-donald-pepe (RARE) rare-sighting
bernie-donald-pepe (RARE) rare-sighting

To everywhere, bern, bern, bern getting passed around like a peace pipe. “He’s chillin’ mon!”

 

"Don Pepe" is every woman's gushing fantasy, as well as an outspoken mexican advocate. don pepe #327 do not reproduce
“Don Pepe” is every woman’s gushing fantasy, as well as an outspoken mexican advocate. don pepe #327 do not reproduce

Don Pepe is the bomb sauce, but for the best pepes, the rarest pepes of them all, look no further than chief pepe.

trump gets pepe lapel pin “supporting pepe is the right thing to do. am i alone here?”

rare pepe #DaddyTrump gives the half -nixon
rare pepe #DaddyTrump gives the half -nixon

Talking Points

[Consider the following:]

Meme market in free-fall as mass production diminishes pepe rarity

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Categories
Status Quo

Tips for getting along with new co-workers

Your empty smile fools no one, because you are an insecure piece of shit and everyone knows it.
Your empty smile fools no one, because you are an insecure piece of shit and everyone knows it.

So you’ve started work at a new office, and you want to make a good impression. You’re not trying to make friends, but you don’t want to come off as an unapproachable ogre, either.

Here are a few useful tips designed to help you get along with any coworker, in any office setting. Don’t be nervous! Be sneaky, vindictive and judgmental with these four easy tips.

  1. DO discuss politics. Choose a polarizing subject like abortion. Don’t be afraid to play devil’s advocate! You can learn a lot about someone by measuring their reactions to statements such as, “Killing unborn children is not just murder, it’s a sin.” You will quickly find yourself bringing groups of different people together in fun, friendly discourse.
  2. Be playful. Try a funny prank, like farting near a group and blaming it on the guy who packs his own lunch. “Christ Larry, is this what you call living organically?” In the same vein, poison a coworker’s coffee and wait for him to get sick. Because you’re in on the joke, you should have plenty of time to think of a witty remark, which will score huge points around the office. While your coworker is writhing in pain on the floor of the ambulance, you can quip, “Budget meetings are bad, but this is ridiculous!” Pain is hilarious.
  3. Tell jokes. Identify a remark or catchphrase that seems to work, and stick to this joke like glue. “You’re alright, Lisa. I don’t care what they say about you.” The more people hear this, the more it is likely to grow on them. Do not deviate from this canned phrase, and you’ll soon be “a character” remembered for ages as “a pretty good guy, too.” Jokes that are hurtful to others is a surefire way to gain status in the pecking order. Identify some previously unnoticed weakness in a colleague, and choose the right time to identify and ridicule your target in front of everybody. “Say, Thomas, I never noticed until I was helping you convert last quarter’s graphs that you’ve got a dead tooth. I used to think you just rolled around in something dead before work.” Thomas is such a faggot now.
  4. Blame others for your shortcomings. Starting a new job is difficult, especially if you’ve only been doing it for 25 years when you make a mistake. Someone didn’t get paid for two months because of your clerical error? No problem! You didn’t come this far by owning up to your faults. Admitting to mistakes reveals weakness, and suggests to others you have a tiny penis. Abuse the power you worked so hard for, and blame everyone for what you do wrong. Lie because it’s easier, not as a last resort. You aren’t desperate. You’re callous. You aren’t evil. You’re new, and you want people to like you!

With these easy tips you are ready to win people and influence friends. You have enough on your plate to deal with, and when you’re the new guy in town, you’ll need every bit of help you can get, because you are a pathetic, weak piece of shit and nobody can ever know. Unless you want to die miserable and alone, the butt of every last joke, and remembered as a loser, you will follow these helpful tips.

Read https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/ for more helpful bro tips.

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