Wonderful things can happen suddenly, and unexpectedly.
WHAMBAM, T.Y. Maam–A woman was treated with the utmost care and respect the other day, when law-abiding officers of the law grabbed a hold of her for yelling too loud near a strip mall.
Another woman had already come by and given her a cigarette, and was standing nearby when two officers approached.
“The Dollar General called and they said you’ve been out here hooting, and hollering and carrying on,” WBPD Deputy S. Lampig explained. “You been doing any drugs today?”
According to the only witness on the scene, the woman who gave her a cigarette, she said Mike “Big Boy” Traylor grabbed the unnamed woman, an older broad in her 60s, and was absolutely manhandling her.
“He jerked her up off the pavement by the arm, and he was shaking her around,” she said, now smoking the woman’s cigarette. “He was cussing her out, too. He said, ‘You get your effin ass in that car before I bust your gd brains out.’ I said you ought not treat that old woman like that. I said, ‘What if that was your mom?'”
He said, “Well, she’s not,” slammed his door, and drove away.
I threw my mom into the back of a police car. Witnesses complained, so then i publicly denied she was my mom. she said “my own son, a law officer, denying his own mother, and carting her off in a squad car.”
i looked at her in the rearview, and i said “your not my mom”
Garbled nonsense is fed into Officer Traylor’s earpiece, who is just a great guy serving his community
Big Boy wrote a statement for the media big dogs at Internet Chronicle, printed it out, and sent it by mail like it’s still 1957. Get the fire hoses!
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The Satanic Church of Biden, in Boones Mill, Virginia
BOONE’S MILL, VIRGINIA — Police drew a thin blue line across Boone’s Mill, early Friday Morning, as they raided the Boone’s Mill Church of Biden. Minister Whitey Teylor, who presided over a Satanic rape baptism in honor of President Biden, was shot on sight after police were heard shouting, “He’s got a gun!” Teylor survives in critical condition at Roanoke Memorial Hospital, where he is awaiting weapon charges.
Chief of Police Freddy Jaksov said during a pseudoevent that members of law enforcement are scheduled to enter his hospital room and place a gun in his hand, proving his fingerprints were on the murder weapon.
Refuse of Biden merchandise filled Boone’s Mill after police officers tore down cheap cardboard signs littering the church’s exterior, by driving through them in a department issued Mercedes-Maybach S 680. Several mysterious children were saved from so-called rape baptism at the hands of demonic Democrats. However, upon learning these children were illegal immigrants, police promptly and abruptly put them into cages, a practice that thankfully began under Barack Hussein Obama, but that the police nonetheless support.
“The police are animals,” Teylor said. “Cages are the only thing they know.”
Reverend Teylor is charged with “shitting up” Boone’s Mill, where people are already too ugly, following with an ordinance passed by the drunken city council late Thursday night. After the raid he is facing much more serious charges. He is facing 57 charges of conspiracy for the satanic communist pedophile network and 91 relating the the abuse and smuggling of illegal minors which, according to chronicle.su pediatrician Dr. Angstrom H. Trusmeboy, is not that many.
“I’ve seen a lot of trafficking,” Trusmeboy said. “There isn’t much demand for these ones, it’s a niche market, and he’s going to take up space here in my shop. Best I can do is a thousand and five, firm.”
Jaksov later told reporters, “If you find any Biden worshipers out here, report them to us at once, and we will raid their asses, with our batons. You know what they’re doing! We know what they’re doing. Let’s crack some skulls, January 6 style.”
Jaksov took the condom off his baton, and threw it on the ground at his feet.
[UPDATE: Fingerprints identified as belonging to Teylor were found on the murder weapon discovered in his hand by police who, by chance, found it on his person as it left their position into his right hand. According to sources inside the global collective unconscious, he is now fucked.]
MIAMI, Fla.–Dr. Troubadour was cleared of charges Monday, immediately following a distressing incident in which he inexplicably drove onto a bike path, striking five pedestrians and killing one, as another suffers life-threatening injuries.
According to eyewitness reports, the doctor and former professor emeritus at M.I.T., Angstrom H. Troubadour, intentionally swerved into a bike lane following a confrontation with cyclists.
The remaining four victims lying in the path were handcuffed and are being detained by the Miami Police Department on charges of obstructing a bike lane.
Sgt. Bailey Bondsman said the victims are being brought in for questioning.
Still from cellphone video shows path of destruction where Troubadour drove onto a bike lane, striking at least five cyclists.
“We’re going to find out what they done to upset Dr. Troubadour, compelling him to drive into the bike lane,” he said. “Were they good people? I don’t know. You tell me. Some of them were not even wearing helmets.”
The renegade doctor spoke to reporters via Twitter Spaces from his Mar-a-Lago suite on Monday. Dr. Troubadour, belonging to a protected class of society, said he walked away unharmed by the cruelty of legal process.
“I stepped out of the car,” Dr. Troubadour said, “and this woman looked about ready to project her entire lifetime of bad choices onto me. She said, ‘Aren’t you sorry?’ Well, I escalated it, and I got in her face and I said, ‘What the fuck did you just say to me?'”
Dr. Troubadour, author of the best-selling 15 Emotions You Can Live Without, puffed out his fat hairy barrel chest and put both arms out in a shrugging motion – with raised shoulders and palms facing the sky – as his eyes burned with fresh anger.
“I said, ‘Yeah I’m sorry, alright. I’m sorry I didn’t hit you, too,’ and I told my girls to get their things, and I said, ‘Don’t let her negativity ruin our fun day.'”
A spokesman for Miami PD called Dr. Troubadour a ‘model citizen,’ asking that bikers be more aware of his presence around the community.
Witnesses who waited at the scene said Troubadour pulled over and parked next to the bike path. He was overheard through the driver’s side window saying he was on his way from one pain clinic to another– the RDJ Pain Management Center, near the beach.
Sources saw Troubadour grab his things before stepping out of the driver’s seat. He walked away from the scene with three women, one appearing to have pissed herself during the event. The women proceeded to get their purses, beach towels and drug paraphernalia from the Tesla, and also did not appear to look at the scene.
“He showed no emotion,” one bystander said, who asked not to be named. “I wouldn’t either. Don’t traumatize me talking bout ‘what I did to you.’ Walk on, Doctor, walk on.”
Another witness said Troubadour owned the situation by refusing to acknowledge the people sprawled out among bicycle parts, fresh dirt, and wet grass tracked onto the path. Jeremy Raison, 42, called it a ‘textbook play’ straight out of The Alphabet of Manliness, a book published by Maddox, and still remembered by some.
“He got out, didn’t look at nobody, refused eye contact, answered no questions, and left calmly,” Raison said. “There wasn’t no laying around in the grass, bellyaching, ‘Boo hoo, I got run over by a world-famous prestigious physician.’ He just went on. They don’t make them like that no more. You’ve got to be next-level fucked up to hit all those people, and just walk away.”
Attorneys for Troubadour are seeking damages for the incident, citing tremendous medical bills received from his home office, where he is treating himself for CPTSD as a result of trauma.
Police say:
The four suspects slammed into by a car owned by Troubadour are being held at the Miami-Dade County Subterranean Dungeon Filled With Piss and Bile and High Level Monsters, where they will wait indefinitely, pending further charges.
