Internet–Jamie Jo Corne, real life journalist and publicist for presstorm.com, tragically resorted to posting nude photographs of herself via flickr after church Sunday following a bout with bulimia and self-hatred.
Mr. Corne, the editor of cesstorm who goes by @vincubusdante, came up with the idea while collaborating with outside experts on the matter of manipulating search results to save face and suppress dissent. [LEAKED AUDIO BELOW]
Inside sources close to presstorm suggest editorial duties have fallen upon the ancient @vincubusdante because his babymachine is too busy providing milk to the sucklings to defend herself.
Using Murdoch-approved hacked phone records and coercion techniques, Chronicle.SU recovered the actual phone call taking place between Mr. Corne and the Internet Police:
Big new websites are springing up to say the same old shit, big old bad guys now look like mute Bill O’Reillys, and there are still serious problems so large in the political system, human injustices so glaring yet so daunting, no anonymous Twitter feed dare mention them.
Brace yourselves, kids, because I’m about to let you have it. Playtime is over and it’s high time you pulled your heads out of your asses now.
You kids are too stupid to acknowledge the host lest it legitimize the parasite. I’m talking about congressional vote selling, telcoms stealing your internet, campaign finance reform. Attack this shit, you pussies! God damn it, help the real world fucking change something! You can’t DDoS cash incentives. Of course, you won’t be DDoSing SHIT when Cox Communications caps your bandwidth but what do you know about that?
You like to pretend like you’re doing something so controversial your pathetic lives are actually in some sort of danger but you can’t stop anything meaningful, nothing truly sinister, from taking place – or else you really would have a gun stuck in your face at 4 a.m. but you won’t. Because the real world doesn’t fuck around, but you wouldn’t know anything about that either. So you prance around like a faggot in his mother’s underwear behind Twitter accounts, IRC networks, Gay Fawkes masks, and talk about how badass you think you are to 1,000 people doing the same thing.
That’s just your behavior, though. And I don’t care about any of your ideals because I can see plainly that you don’t either. You’re just not passionate about anything except #opBART only because you’ve made that “operation” more about your faggy “anonymous” movement than a boy being shot – than freedom of speech itself. Remember when protests were called protests and didn’t need gung-ho internet terminology attached to them to motivate the youth? Yeah, me either, because my generation’s never had a spine.
The only useful effort I’ve seen put forth by people calling themselves anonymous – that doesn’t appear to be some anarchistic impulse of provocation, that doesn’t appear to be juvenile nor embarrass me on your behalf, is the effort of @AnonMedics. Damn, that’s awesome. You better be glad somebody’s following you around, ready to pull you out of whatever trouble your juvenile delinquency gets you into. Because I sure as hell wouldn’t wipe your ass if you shat yourself at my protest.
Whether you’re #antisec or #prosec – nobody gives a fuck because to onlookers you are full of redfaced angry nerdrage that embarrasses anyone who ever thought there might be this mysterious behind the scenes hacker group making big things happen. Grayhats, whitehats, blackhats – all subjective terminology like ‘terrorist’ and ‘freedom fighter’ except the only people who give a fuck is you and your hapless victims.
Also, I thought you were anarchists? So then why is this pussy crying about an attack on the state? You kids are inconsistent, shameful failures.
Your sweeping general statements about politics and law are laughably reproducible. Your arguments sound like Monday’s Tea Party advertisement debate. Your “news sources” are masturbatory rantholes. Your process of d0xing the non-believers is reprehensible. Your work ethic is slovenly. Your web design skills make me frown and uhh, an Anonymous networking site? *snickers* Your writing skills don’t exist. Like Milhouse, your “movement” is a forced meme that gets you banned from 4chan, only faster.
Your movement is fake.
This article is part of Anonifeld – a series about nothing (Anonymous).
There are a myriad of solid reasons NOT to enjoy sexual pleasure on 9/11, such as safety, respect and religious zeal. Even more importantly, everyone knows that those who engage in sexual activity on 9/11 do not care about all the innocent people who died on 9/11. It was the day that everything changed. When those towers came down, American flags came out. Even so, one must completely refrain from masturbation, intercourse, and all forms of sexual stimulation on 9/11 in order to observe the holiday righteously.
First of all, it’s 9/11. Terror alerts will be raised and threats will be made. 9/11 is not a day on which it is wise to let one’s guard down. By masturbating or having sex on 9/11, citizens will put themselves in danger. Don’t take the risk of being caught unprepared. In the likely event of a terror attack, masturbation or sex is a deadly mistake. Stay safe on 9/11.
Secondly, how could anyone even masturbate with the endless inescapable thoughts of the innocent dead? Only a twisted and disturbed individual would be able to achieve orgasm on 9/11. It is despicable for anyone to forget about 9/11. Everyone knows the first rule of 9/11 is never forget, and breaking that rule is just as bad as having sex on 9/11. The guilt and shame should be so pervasive as to completely eliminate any Patriotic American’s sex drive.
Thirdly, we must remember always that Jesus is watching. Jesus might let a little masturbation slip by every now and then, but know that masturbation on 9/11 will earn you his hatred and a ticket straight to hell. Should a child be conceived on 9/11, the implications could be dangerous, if not deadly. At the very least, the child would likely grow up to become a converted Muslim. Worst case scenario, the evil of a couple knowingly enjoying sex on 9/11 would create a demonic portal through which the devil could plant the seed of the Antichrist. Fucking on 9/11 could mean the end of the world.
If someone enjoys sexual pleasure on 9/11, it is immediately apparent to those of us who are appropriately guilt-ridden and fear-stricken. The person who defiles 9/11 appears smarmy and cock-sure as if he or she has forgotten about 9/11. The devil turns bodies into empty casks and fills them with demons. Don’t even think of masturbating on 9/11.
