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News

Rebel on the Run: The Life and Trials of Anonymous Trucker Jamie Jo Corne

Jamie Jo Corne (Jamie Brinkman)NORFOLK, Va. – Jamie Jo Corne clings to General Lee as his battle wagon, a 74 Winnebago, struggling over the Rockies at three miles per hour, backing up traffic all the way to the grasslands, lapping against the snowcapped peaks.

“God Dammit I learned a lot of shit when I was investigating Anonymous. We can use it to our advantage,” Jamie Jo said. For a fleeting moment, life flashed through Jamie’s eyes. She was alive. Looming in the recesses though, her nine children and her ruined husband, Vincubus Dante. Sometimes big things were more important than family, like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar.

General Lee pulled his dick out of Jamie’s ass and busted a hot one across her tramp stamp. “We gonna have a real revolution Tiger, stop up the traffic ’round DC. Jam the beltway. Boil the boomer hides! I’ve been everywhere, man. You rub a little more of that innernet magic on our social media game and I’ll fire up the CB. We’ll ride our horses up to the White House. We’ll start a new political party, start a Convoy!” The General paused, licking his lips. “Get out the meth hunny.”

A Rebel Outlaw

“I’m wanted in five states, Lee, and the only way I’m gettin’ out of it is by starting a goddamn revolution. Truckers are so left wing, nowadays. What’s up with that? This Tiger needs a man who don’t need viagra to fuck. Your whole revolution is limp. Ya didn’t even deliver a document to the capitol. I’m gonna do that one day, a-ridin’ on a horse with a dick that satisfies.”

“Tiger! Tiger! Come back baby, don’t! Come back!”

Tiger took one last long drag from Lee’s meth pipe and bounded from the camper, hesitating only for a moment, to glance at the moon before scampering off into the night.

The Revolution may had ended, but felt like it had only begun.

Uncertain Principles

Her phone buzzed all night. Strange men from around the nation were sending in car payments, text messages begging for hot, dirty sex. The revolution was just dodging the inevitable decades in prison awaiting her, and better to settle in and train dogs, than to eat another shit sandwich and smile for a mugshot. Hacking and trucking had nothing at all, but the dog scamming scene at least had that money. Stealing trained malamutes and huskies was pure profit.

But that, too, was a lie and Jamie wasn’t about to con herself. Those days with Presstorm sure were glamorous. And the power she’d had with Anonymous was beyond anything she ever felt running with truckers. Jamie imagined thousands of Huskies, all following her command, dragging a sled with a giant cannon like Hitler had. One shot and she’d take out DC. Another two shots and she’d blast them yuppies in New York City. Then she’d whip them dogs and get off to LA and maybe she’d let the dogs have them instead of the cannon — if — they gave her a kind welcome.

Maybe, she thought. Maybe she’d have child support.

New Beginnings

Jamie Jo Corne, Trail Boss or Tiger
The hard life took its toll on Jamie Jo Corne (a.k.a. “Tiger”).

The former Presstorm matriarch now injects a motherload of meth, monitoring all hate sites for news and updates on what the public and the law might know about her. From behind a pair of sunglasses at a public library in Cuthbert, Ga., she watches the Internet, fidgeting. She watches the Chronicle. Under her breath, she utters remarks – more guttural anguish than language – and she is bitter.

The money’s dried up. All the drugs, internet, and revolutions have aged her. She can’t draw even the oldest, ugliest men at the bar. She used to snare fresh cock with online dating sites, but the hope of tomorrow’s sugar-daddy evaporates now with each click, typin’ her different names again and again, cycling through social media sites and rubbin’ her shrinking clit. Sometimes she can’t even find it. Almost inaudibly she hisses, “Obama’s gonna put you in jail.

Though her future is uncertain, there is at least one thing Jamie knows: She’s seen more sunsets now than she’s going to see.

—–

Rebel on the Run: The Life and Trials of Anonymous Dogstar Jamie Jo Corne is part 1 in a multi-part series of biopics called Project Persona Management.

Categories
News Uncontrollable Patriotism

Trail Boss Jamie Jo Corne Postpones "Bull Party"

Jamie Jo Corne, Trail Boss
Jamie Jo Corne, Trail Boss

With a fried voice and look of stoned desperation in her eyes, Trail Boss Jamie Jo Corne delivered new orders Tuesday to her rapidly-growing cult following.

Corne commands her collective to delay the Washington Bull Party Plan until May 16.

The Bull Party is a rally to restore freedom, which involves dumping seeds on the Capitol in Washington, D.C. and turning loose “thousands” of heads of cattle in the city streets, heralded by Corne who is expected to arrive on horseback with The Articles of Separation in hand.

“This is what’s gonna happen,” Corne said, bumping her fists together. “This is when the people meet the government.”

She slammed the Occupy Wall Street movement for its pacifism, saying hers is the movement of True Change, adding that her changes might even lead to economic collapse as America returns to the barter system.

In her video message to the collective, the Trail Boss said she needed to push back the cattle rustling after speculation that a number of unidentified homeless people “went missing” and are being detained in FEMA camps. Corne ordered the farming collective to stand by while she and General Lee sort out the logistics of transferring people and animals into the gridlocked city of Washington, D.C.

“Large amounts of cattle … to herd them into Washington, D.C. is going to take a little bit more planning than 30 days,” Corne said over the clicking of the Battletruck hazard lights. “Not really planning, but prepping.

Corne said she is “sick of fucking around,” and to complete her plan, she will need cattle ranchers to volunteer to turn their cattle loose into the streets.

“There have been several, multiple cattle ranchers. Multiple,” Corne said. “A multitude of farmers coming through, that want to dump their GMO seed all over the place in Washington, D.C.”

Corne is Trail Boss of a group of farmers ready to take up arms against the government at any moment. Corne herself has already threatened President Barack Obama’s life: a stunning preemptive strike in what she and her people refer to as “the American Spring.”

The alternative effects of spreading genetically modified seed throughout the nation’s capital would likely be unknown for at least a decade, according to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, an Internet Chronicle botany consultant.

“It might not change anything,” Troubadour cautioned. “But then again, shit could be pretty fucked up for a while. Let’s wait and see.”

[UPDATE: THE TRAILBOSS HAS BEEN SILENCED. SHE HAS DELETED HER VIDEOS BECAUSE OF ATTEMPTS BY OUR GOVERNMENT TO SUPPRESS THE AMERICAN SPRING FREEDOM MOVEMENT. THE VIDEO CITED BELOW HAS BEEN LOST, BUT THIS REPORT REMAINS FACTUAL. PLEASE ENJOY A COMPLEMENTARY JAMIE JO CORNE VIDEO, COURTESY OF CHRONICLE.SU]


The plan is to give Congress three days to comply with demands. Consequences of non-compliance, Corne said, will be delivered in phases. Retaliation will be exacted by seizure of ports by collective forces, restrictions on imports, and the burning of social security cards.

“I’m changing the date to May 16th,” Corne said, “and we’re gonna get shit done. We’re gonna git’r’done.”

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Categories
Hate

The delusions of Anonymous and Occupy Wall Street

The Occupy movement has successfully shifted the public’s attention to the corrupt influence of corporations over American government. At the same time, it has pushed the limits of free speech about as far as local governments will allow. In many cases the protesters have forced confrontations with police, highlighting every egregious use of force with the aid of youtube in a way that is both profoundly important and at the same time incredibly annoying. Each arrest is met with jeers from protesters who apparently don’t understand that being arrested is a part of civil disobedience. It seems they do not believe that their symbolic encampments are, while inspiring, almost always illegal. This kind of thinking is completely removed from reality, but that can apparently be fixed by using the incredibly creepy human microphone to repeat passages from the constitution as each protester is arrested.

A similar kind of activist dissonance is even more egregious and disturbing within the Anonymous subculture, which claims responsibility for organizing the Occupations and the Arab spring. In response to the financial blockade of WikiLeaks, a sickening product of extralegal pressure from government, Anonymous successfully perpetrated a string of high profile denial of service attacks. The comparison between denial of service and the sit-ins of the civil rights era has been made repeatedly by Anonymous and its supporters, but no comparison could be more nauseating. In the bizarre world of AnonOps IRC, the arena where these attacks were coordinated, a pervasive and infectious paranoia was evident in the constant discussions on how to best remain anonymous and completely unaccountable for the “cyberactivism” that was taking place. Not only did these “activists” take every precaution possible to avoid identification, but the laws which were broken are actually in place to ensure the freedom of speech and integrity of the internet. Anonymous may have worked for a noble cause, but the means were more akin to those of the masked Klu Klux Klan than those of civil rights activists. Thankfully, AnonOps no longer coordinates denial of service attacks.

It is worth noting that most Anons are probably not supporters of this kind of wholly destructive action. Anons are generally just young people, enjoying internet culture and not participating in much more than internet memes and occasional trolling raids. As in previous countercultures like the Punks and Hippies, what truly defines Anonymous is opposition to all that is sanitized and corporate and not the actions of whatever small group gains the most notoriety. That’s pretty much true of the Occupiers as well. Both these movements have self-organized, and as each is set in direct opposition to corporations, both naturally mimic corporate structure. It is helpful to think of groups of Occupiers or Anons as franchises acting independently of one another and beholden only to the three ring binder of cultural norms, which if broken will result in revocation of franchise status. This is a rare event, but Presstorm was an ideal example. Presstorm was a group of mostly Anon supporters acting as a media outlet covering issues mostly of interest to Anons. The editor-in-chief published a long editorial sharply criticizing Occupy Wall Street and over night Presstorm was disenfranchised, disavowed, and under denial of service attacks.

Although there does appear to be an informal kind of accountability for extreme cases like Presstorm, this is really where the franchise analogy breaks down. There are no headquarters for Anonymous or Occupy and no central organization to keep out the insane and destructive. In lieu of any unifying authority holding these movements in line and on message, there’s a few powerful labels that are used liberally to fix any inconsistencies. Should someone make outrageous comments, vandalize, or engage in any other deviant behavior, he or she is immediately deemed an infiltrator and associated with whatever enemy is most convenient. While it’s true that agent provocateurs have been used and are still used to discredit popular movements, the hysterical overuse of this point by Occupiers is laughable. With regards to AnonOps IRC and its media front end, AnonNews, one particular publication understood this mechanism and hit the nail on the head.

As it stands, both Anonymous and Occupy have won over supporters, gained media attention, and forced discussion of their issues upon the general public. Both have been fraught with negative press because of the not-so-peaceful nature of their confrontation with authorities, while at the same time highlighting a few major issues of public interest. Non-lethal violence against Occupy protesters is often shocking, as exemplified by the UC Davis pepper spray incident, Scott Olsen, and Tony Bologna. As for Anonymous, sometimes the bad boy hackers actually root out important facts. Private security contractors are using social media to manipulate people in conflict zones, as revealed by the Anonymous attack on HBGary. No one would know about it if it wasn’t for Anonymous. But are these things going to actually make a change for the better? Realistically, both of these movements are playing a zero sum game or worse, winning a few small victories at great expense to their cause.

Anonymous and Occupy aren’t situated on terra firma. In their dogma, the ultimate goal is to eliminate corporate and government structures in society and replace them with the same decentralized organization in which they are situated. In this utopian vision, perhaps legitimate authority will only take the shape of denial of service attacks and infiltrator witch hunts. This particular brand of magical thinking, in which the ongoing peaceful “revolution” will overthrow all existing power structures, is probably a symptom of the young and idealistic who are not yet willing to bend to reality.

The tragedy is that revolution, and not reform, is all that Occupy and Anonymous will accept. Running politicians (But not Michael Moore?) out of the encampments is a fun sport for the Occupiers, and harassing politicians and businessmen with crank phone calls is former Anonymous spokesperson Barrett Brown’s favorite hobby. I don’t think either movement is going to accept the cold reality that reform is the best thing they can hope for. Symbolic tent cities aren’t going to cause a revolution. Denial of service and harassment is worse. The people who want change need to work in a positive way with those in power, but the powerful who have tried to reach out to Occupiers have received only vitriol and hate. Anonymous and the Occupiers have fantasies of a better world, but the scumfucking Tea Party’s plans are already in motion.