Beyoncé’s tragic suicide came as a shock to fans around the world.
HOUSTON — Fans mourn the loss of Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter after a series of high-profile public embarrassments. Sunday, some fans blamed a blackout during the Super Bowl on Beyoncé’s extravagant halftime show, which featured the world’s biggest neon lights shaped like Beyoncé’s face. This comes on the heels of allegations Beyoncé lip-synced “The Star Spangled Banner” at President Barack Obama’s inauguration.
Police investigators confirm early reports the suicide was an intentional overdose on Diazepam, a medication Beyoncé took to ease her fits of manic depression. Her physician, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, attributed the fits to “stress related to identity issues.”
Beyoncé’s estate has been transferred to her surviving husband, Jay-Z, who did not return several badgering messages left by Chief Editor of The Internet Chronicle, Raghubir Goyal.
Firstly, I would like to admit that I am a true believer in David Icke’s reptilian theory. However, as time has passed, I’ve realized that Icke’s increasingly influenced by the very reptilians he believes he is fighting.
David Icke’s visual frequency is not attenuated to his own image; hence, he is unable to realize he is himself a reptilian. Theorists have speculated that Icke’s proven status as a reptilian is in fact a false-flag theory proposed by the reptilians to discredit him. This, of course, is a naive assumption buttressed only by a cult-like admiration for Icke’s manipulative, charismatic and altogether reptilian personality.
Just beyond the thin veneer of Icke’s friendly exterior lies an emotionless obsession for control of others — the trademark of a reptilian. The cold stare in his eyes is an experience many have recounted upon close contact with his piercing and otherworldly gaze. He has absolutely no empathy for those he preaches to, and the ridiculous way he treats the reptilian threat is a classic example of hidden-in-plain-sight strategy. The saddest part of it all is that he, himself, does not — cannot–recognize his own reptilian nature.
On an interstitial plane between dimensions, the reptilians effectively have hidden their agenda through the vessel of Mr. Icke. As with others manipulated by this agenda, Mr. Icke himself is totally unaware of the possessors tainting his bloodline. His manipulative and viral reptilian fear, which he has made millions of dollars promoting, is precisely the favored tactic of the reptilians he so often rails against.
In essence, when one is afraid of the reptilians, they increasingly fall under the power of these Masonic Illuminati forces that permeate our corrupted bloodlines — perhaps our ape ancestors interbred with snakes, as hinted at in the biblical tale of Adam and Eve. No one has blood that is “clean” of reptilian influence, and the fear that has taken its grip on David Icke is proof that he, more than anyone else, is suffering from the pervasive and menacing power of reptilians.
In a damaging blow to what might have otherwise been a fruitful trolling endeavor, chronicle.su editor Kilgore Trout trolled his own news agency by warning would-be writing contest participants that the whole thing is an utter scam. Terrible author Frank Mason countered with undue name-calling followed by a dense string of offline gravity bong hits to the face.
“It was worse than anything I’ve ever seen,” said a frowning Joanna Mason, Frank’s mother in Fairfax, Virginia. “He was so high. So happy.”
Mason was not available to comment but wrote Saturday, “I don’t give a flying fuck what you say, it’s going to be really funny when someone tries to write another unintelligible centerpiece about an orgy of world leaders atop President Obama’s stinky sock collection. Rooting around in his dirty fucking socks, Bill.”
The writing contest would have entrants reporting on an alleged plethora of simultaneous sex acts, all taking place on a pile of unwashed clothes previously worn by the President during the exact moment in which he lied to American citizens. “But beyond that,” Mason clarified, “You are free to write anything you wish, adding what you like.”
Frank Mason, terrible author
Trout’s white knight leak is an attempt to limit the overall “collateral damage” of chronicle.su as she recklessly tears through the internet in the name of good comedy, lest she incur yet another case in a myriad of legal axes threatening to drop. By calling attention to Mason’s attempt at baiting bad writers into ridicule, Trout may possibly have prevented another lawsuit.
“Mason maintains all the ethical practices of a trapdoor spider,” he explained. “Oh, he’s a charming young man. Sure. And he’s good at videogames. But he is ugly inside. Inside, Frank is a venomous snake.”
Mason conceded, “At any moment, authorities could intervene . . . and the next thing you know we’re embroiled in a seven year legal battle with someone over use of . . . his face on the end of a penis.” Frank put one hand on his forehead, and looked up at the ceiling. For almost a minute, Mason posed in the lamplight, thinking. At last, he finally said, “Maybe we should just say somebody died. Somebody white this time.”
As of Saturday evening, participation in Mason’s contest is virtually nonexistent.
