Internet Chronicle

BOSTON – The stories you’ve been reading about the rare deployments of a so-called free speech enforcement team are not true. They are fictionalized events that never happened, unless you read it here, in which case it happened, in which case you did, meaning we are all puppets of lore. Like, Barrett Brown, for example, whose meteoric rise to infamy is owed exclusively to the wonderful work he is doing over there at the Pursuance Project. They say it’s like working for Google!

During an emergency meeting at Internet Chronicle headquarters, the Internet paper of record declared itself the official spokesman of the leaderless Pursuance Project, and the spinoff group Pursuance+. The team agreed it is a successful enterprise, and jerked each other off under the table without warning. One guy watched. Didn’t they say it’s like working for Google! Remember last paragraph!

Government forces deployed free speech squads ahead of a Pursuance Party and Party+ planning event and have encircled the building where Barrett Brown is rumored to be looking into someone else’s kids as you read this. The situation is tense as a familiar calm settles over the Pursuant Himself. And for a moment he feels peace. Peace. At last. Before thinking, ‘Wait, this feels familiar.’

“The Pursuance Project is just like working for Google.” – Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, Ph.Dizzle in the house, fo rizzle, motherfuckers betta recognize.

This message is brought to you carefully by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Proud sponsor of all Pursuance brand Projects

INTERNET — Attorney General Jeff Sessions ordered increased enforcement of free speech, Tuesday, triggering what the fake news media has dubbed a “wave of protest against liberal political correctness.”

Citizen journalists report militarized police units are being deployed in every major city marching through streets and pointing loaded weapons at houses and announcing free speech assemblies using LRAD audio weapons capable of penetrating twenty story apartment buildings. Those who do not assemble are being threatened, their homes invaded and parallel charges cooked up in highly unconstitutional hatred, most especially in neighborhoods with people of color. Blue Lives Matters cops loot televisions and large quantities of drugs without filing charges. And at the free speech assemblies the participants are shot if they do not say at least three racial slurs and make at least three politically incorrect jokes. The laughter is forced, the speech is freed. Who will kneel first?

Now with Donald Trump dispensing actual, politically incorrect truths from the highest office of military power on the planet, many secrets have come to light about the deep state and its true aims at imperialist domination of the entire world. Even with the ongoing investigations of Russian meddling at the highest levels of US government, the Russian Propagandists are able to manipulate the minds of enough people to make voters believe Donald Trump did nothing wrong. This technology and the resources devoted to it have become so powerful as to sway major voting blocs and opinions in every corner of the world that has accepted the gift of cell phones. The implications of this have triggered upheaval unlike anything in all of history, creating an opportunity for someone to seize power. And why not? Look at who has power and their unequaled evils in comparison to all of history.

Do not forget a near century of global systematic CIA, USA torture, blood on two hands visible only to Unamericans — Hiroshima, Nagasaki — now the the world tipping into into a full scale quivering capitalism orgasm with the prophesied plebian suffering in Diamond Age, a weaponized, racialized, classified hipsterist Jackpot.

Trump’s glowing invisible made visible hand as The Apprentice’s Sorceror Grabs and ruins the Football Business, Women’s Business, Black People’s Business, Muslim’s Business, Mexican’s Business. And the White people of America quiver in fear of everything but also that their ignominious TV star President might hurt their businesses should they speak out against him or perhaps find themselves named in a stray typo of the drunken cokehead’s back pocket tweet.

At the heart of all this Global Carnage and torturing of democratic and communist movements, installing of anarcho-capitalist strongman regimes like Putin’s, the Internet is growing in this fertile death heap to become the most tremendous deep state weapon and battleground, as designed first by the US military’s budget for mass mind control, now for any of the 1%.

That’s why the Internet Chronicle is announcing the creation of Pursuance+, the ultimate in “Pursuant Technologies” designed to tip the scales back in our favor, back to the 99%. This ain’t some fly-by-night vaporware project done up by a heroin junkie who did federal time for carding and guilted a bunch of volunteers into supporting him. No! This is a serious operation run by none other than the legendary hacker Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador who once DDoS’d Steven Seagal personally. Pursuance+ has a secured and encrypted closed source kit providing everything that its idiotic and unsafe open source competitors have as well as tons of quality of life improvements that make it fun to share photos and memes with your fellow revolutionary vanguard.

As a Glorious Gold user of Pursuance+ you’ll receive 10,000 valuable Pursuant Coins immediately and be mainlined one-time-pad encrypted tasks after randomized internet strangers pass off decryption codes, meeting you at specified locations and times in real life for optimal safety. How you achieve each Pursuance is up to you, and we take no legal responsibility. Through this uncrackable trick we can escape the clutches of even natural law itself, since our deeds will remain scrambled until the heat death of the universe — all thanks to the magic of encryption.

Ironically, this powerful technology developed by the US government is how we are going to overthrow and remove the very idea of a nation state, replacing it with a new crest in human civilizational development known as the era of Pursuance+. Pursuance+ Systems sister gaming company Lebal Drocer Games Incorporated has already launched a pirated mod of Civilization VI featuring the Pursuance+ age and outlining the various advances that will come about. For example, a new unit of badly equipped militias can be built in enemy cities with a monument known as Troll City, an entire city of people who through use of Pursuance+ expansive management schemes can come together on the internet to incite revolts at a whim. Critics have agreed this is a welcome and realistic return to the diplomat and spy mechanics of Civilization 2.

Lebal Drocer and Pursuance+ is incredibly proud to announce evolving the human race into a new and amazing superorganism far, far beyond what even Nazi historian Spengler could imagine. Now that we’ve seen all of history spread before us as we stand upon our mountain of modern wisdom, let us, for the betterment of Mankind, accept Pursuance+ into our very souls and log on each day, obtaining as many Pursuance Coins as possible.

Giving a dedication speech at a ceremony dedicated to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador’s future grave and unveiling a fantastic bronze statue in his own likeness and honor, Barrett Brown smiled for local news cameras. His speech was eloquent and mesmerizing, awing all the people present, “We analyzed the entire situation of the world from within the most classified backchannels at the very core of the Pursuance Project’s alpha test. I beg to differ with Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has been stalking me online! You’ve got to understand, the American Dream is a series of these classic, 18th century liberal self-destroying enterprises, from Raleigh Theodore Sakers Company to Myspace and on now the unimaginable cyber shores beyond the depravity of Crash and the mind-programming Silicon Valley lifestyle-franchising mafiosos seizing power with weaponized teen pussy in Snowcrash, Mason & Dixon, multiverse computer games, and Jesus Christ himself reborn once again as Advanced Human, former Voice of Anonymous, and only man with the cell phone that can text God himself, Christopher “The Voice” Nemelka. Whereupon you find yourself at the mercy of a pussy grabbing game show host who’s been barking fake news about Obama’s Nigerian Daddy for years and now he’s telling you, ‘you’re fired.’ That’s the American Dream.”

“Wow that made profound sense and had something to do with the world of politics and it increases my value to read all those inside jokes. As an erudite and attentive reader of incredible literature this is what I enjoy most. But that couldn’t have been Barrett Brown,” Dr. Troubador tugged at his beard once, and stroked it harder and harder as he came to a logical conclusion. “Firstly, he loves classic liberalism. To him it is the same thing as anarchism in that they’re both an extreme form of naturalism, both the same as his original Randian objectivism. This is very well documented. And besides, he would have said something about Pursuance Software Systems.”

“Pursuance Software Systems? What’s that?” Randy said as he walked in. “Yun’s havin’ a pot party?”

“I’m fuckin’ glad you asked,” yelped Barrett. “You motherfuckers just log on to purusanceproject.com and type in all your social media site passwords and then you’ll automatically tweet and faceboook me and my friends posts. When you post dank shit of your own that follows the idea of destroying governments everywhere you’re issued points that will allow you back into the chatrooms ultimately of elite people like myself who will task you further with more intense retweeting, comment writing, and other posting schemes that may even land you in control of more power in the future anti-government. It’s a whole universe going to emerge out of this incredible new web site. It’s Anonymous 2.0! It’s a superorganism.”

“Superorgasm?” Randy scratched his head. “That don’t make no sense but I guess I like the idea of it.”

Dr. Troubador laughed in the face of Barrett Brown, pulling out a butterfly knife and whipping it in the air around his face to show he didn’t give a fuck. Slashing open that flat, mechanical Roy Batty face, Dr. Troubador revealed Brown was in fact a robot body in which Ayn Rand implanted her preserved brain. However, with a quick Kaspersky analysis he determined that the Pursuance Network and by extension the control of Brown’s robot body had already been compromised by dank hackers associated with Chronicle.su as early 90’s era style credits rolled and generic tv jazz dissolved the dramas of our day.

“Wait a sec.” Dr. Troubador asked Barrett Brown. “If Ayn Rand is just powerlessly trapped inside your body and not in control of it, who is?”

“Oh, I’m simply an AI program that the Board of Directors created specifically to torture Ayn Rand. She gets a parallel feed of all my senses and I retain total control. She can’t in any way communicate, not even with me, so just forget about that.”

“Terrible.” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said. “How can I give you some bitcoins…”