axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

hatesec dead at 30

It was just cats, everywhere: Kilgoar
hatesec was a cat on the internet

NEW YORK — Fans mourn the loss of of Raleigh T. Sakers, the satirist better known by the name ‘hatesec’ who died early Monday morning at his home in Brooklyn.

Hatesec was pronounced dead at 3:27 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 30.

Hatesec is survived by three serious ex-girlfriends, and six not-so-serious ex-girlfriends. He had no children ;)

Because no will was entered into the public record, hatesec’s charity for underprivileged financial institutions, The Bailout Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to Virginia doctors for repayment of medical debts accrued after a spontaneous pneumothorax nearly killed the Internet Chronicle editor in 2010.

Hatesec’s public image suffered in the wake of a 2009 incident filmed at the intersection of Monument and Allen Avenues in Richmond, where he was filmed simulating autofellatio under a large Confederate monument. The incident was seen by more than 500,000 people, before YouTube took down the 9-minute video, stating it violates the terms of their puritan service agreement.

When hatesec realized what was happening, he instinctively “finished,” lovingly snowballed General Lee, and left the 60-foot monument to deal with his imagined pregnancy alone, and without sympathy from passing cars.

While hatesec left no will or funeral instructions, a recent tweet offers some guidance as to what friends and family might do to help his final wishes come true, as we close the final chapter of his otherwise pointless, insignificant life:

https://twitter.com/hatesec/status/894439942809681920

 

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Senator Bernie Sanders dead at 75

Fans mourn the loss of Independent Senator Bernie Sanders, 75, of Vermont

Fans, Voters, and Americans of all political leanings mourn Senator “Bernie” Sanders. Sanders was found dead in his home at the age of 75 after suffering a ruptured brain aneurysm in his sleep.

A video leaked from inside Sanders’ offices showed the late Senator in a distressed state Wednesday evening. Visibly red in the face and ‘raging’, Sanders said, “I don’t know how it happened. Obviously voting for Hillary was the right thing to do, but my supporters seemed more convinced by Trump’s arguments in the end. Where did I go wrong?”

Cassandra Fairbanks, former Bernie supporter and alt-right superstar, tweeted “Bernie was definitely suffering from brain damage in this clip. I hate to see him in this state. #RIPtheBern”

In the leaked footage, Bernie waved his hands in the air, as if distributing packages to the American people and screaming in a strained tone, “A little FASCISM for you, and a little FASCISM for YOU! And some WARS and some NUKES for YOU!” The video has since been removed from youtube at the request of the Sanders family.

Many have taken to tweeting on the hashtag #RIPtheBern, mourning not only for Bernie but for the American Republic. Dr. Troubador let loose a tweetstorm that has been at the center of all public discussion, tweeting “Historians will call Trump the first of the real neomonarchs. By the end of his term he will be too rich to ever lose an election. Trump will continue to buy influence and cash in on it beyond everyone’s expectations and he’s already grooming his family to inherit the American empire. We’re all realizing this just now and it’s not easy on any of us. Imagine how Bernie must’ve felt.”

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Sports Technology

Cult-leader ‘kilgoar’ BANNED from Rust: “Ye fiyed”

I’m cucksec and you’re reading the Future of News ‘Net Chronicle.su

After a juvenile, embarrassing and misdirected rant posted to internet hate site CHRONICLE.SU – creators of the videogame Rust banned a player named “kilgoar” who wrote the “BLOG post” seen by millions. A ‘blog is short for web-log which – unlike this news site – is not credible and can be written by anyone.

In his fake news ramblings, “kilgoar” calls Rust a SHITTY GAME that is a WASTE of time, because he sucks at Rust, which sucks now too, he says. He did not say that but we are saying that.

kilgoar’s actions are REPREHENSIBLE and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED ON THIS SITE. He has been FIRED, cucked from his place of power by game designers, which means the game is currently being designed with kilgoar’s absence in mind.

‘The cuck rule,’ designers call it, only applies to kilgoar, because he doesn’t understand Rust – having sunk a paltry <400 hours into the anarchy simulator – currently in “Beta” and characterized not by the game’s current development stage, but the people who play it.

A ‘Nightmare Cult’

People close to kilgoar, including followers of his illegal text and audio backchannel, warned me kilgoar’s decisions and movements have become twitchy and possessive.

“He orders us into the asbestos mines like his slaves,” said Ham Sterman, who himself admits to succumbing to kilgoar’s cult of brutalizing tribal aggression. “He asks if we’re cold, but not because he’s concerned for our health. He just likes knowing we’re cold.”

Cuck of week Kilgora the Explora

kilgoar, dressed to the nines, leads exodus to Flavortown, Mass.