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Snowden reveals secret Strategic Fracking office in Pentagon that “ignites volcanoes in communist countries”

This top secret slide shows earthquakes induced by strategic fracking in the US
This top secret slide shows earthquakes induced by strategic fracking.

INTERNET — Friday, Edward Snowden came forward with startling evidence linking recent volcanic eruptions and earthquakes in communist countires to the top secret Strategic Fracking office in the Pentagon. The US military, according to the documents, leverages fracking regulation to facilitate patterns that will harm communist nations in South America and Asia while preserving American security.

Snowden previously withheld the evidence because this leak endangers US security and other superpowers may join in the weaponized fracking, causing further escalation in seismic activity. However, Snowden believes that public outcry could put a stop to the tectonic arms race. He told reporters, “What they’re doing is a fairly standard extension of practical geology that uses the incidentally induced earthquakes from fracking first to predict and then to create effects on the other side of the planet. In simpler terms, fracking is carried out in a strategic pattern designed to ignite volcanoes in communist countries.”

Angstrom H. Troubador, Chairman of the US Geological Survey, resigned after the scandal broke. Troubador tweeted, “The Pentagon can take over USGS for all I care. I’m moving to Venzuela for the ash and lava burial I deserve.”

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News

Anonymous hacker collective developing AI virus

Allison is a robotic artificial intelligence program existing inside computer viruses propagated by the hacking collective Anonymous
Allison is an artificial intelligent entity existing as computer viruses propagated by the hacking collective Anonymous

INTERNET — Chris Doyon AKA Commander X of the infamous hacker group Anonymous announced Thursday that Anonymous will be moving forward with plans to develop a military grade AI neural network dubbed Allison, its computation crowdsourced using a technology called OpenGrid. The public will be able to donate their computation to the project by downloading an app much like SETI at home.

Commander X first became a famed name in hacktivism after deploying botnets — tens of thousands of computers hijacked by a virus — in denial of service attacks on municipal government websites. Anonymous script kiddies, or low-rank hackers, told the media that these debilitating attacks were a kind of civil disobedience and protest, likening a piece of spamming software known as Low Orbit Ion Cannon to a virtual sit in. It was years before Commander X confessed to a shocked world that these sit-ins could have had no effect without the use of his network of virus-infected computers, making protesters unknowing accomplices in the harming of innocent collateral parties.

Barrett Brown, leader of Anonymous, spoke with the Internet Chronicle from his mobile prison on the highways of Texas, “Yeah X always keeps huge botnets. Fucking Faggot. Fuck Commander Adama. I wouldn’t donate half a CPU cycle to mine AnonCoins for X’s defense, much less lag my shit for some algorithm girlfriend named Allison. Also while I’m at it Fuck Biella Coleman, that libeler. I didn’t set myself up, god dammit, the bastards had me in their web. They do have an AI, and they used it on me, but more about that later. Someone does need to counter them, but it’ll probably be China.”

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Trolling

Anonymous strikes back against new Papa John’s Pizza website

The Papa John's Pizza portal site faces intermittent downtime as Anonymous attacks escalate.
The Papa John’s Pizza portal site faces intermittent downtime as Anonymous attacks escalate.

INTERNET – When news leaked of a controversial nondisclosure agreement forbidding Papa John’s employees from discussing anything that isn’t work-related, the mainstream hacker collective calling itself Anonymous has stepped up to defend the free speech rights of all Papa John’s employees by orchestrating a series of DDoS attacks and SQL-injections against the Papa John’s website.

The site has gone offline and come back several times throughout the day, signaling a call-and-response between Papa John’s elite group of cyber warriors and the rebel group Anonymous.

An anonymous employee, who asked not to be named out of fear of losing his job, said the gag order prevents him from discussing his work conditions outside of work.

“You can’t talk about the nondisclosure agreement without violating the nondisclosure agreement,” the employee said, “so you will get fired if they found out you talked about it.”

He said the agreement signifies a larger band of paranoia running through the usually stoned and placid pizza industry: a fear of unionized labor.

“The rules were always in place but they didn’t start enforcing them until some of us started talking about a worker’s union like they were trying to do over at McDonald’s.”

IRC chatlogs show online pizza orders placed by members of Anonymous to one of “Papa’s” many houses. The act of ordering unsolicited pizzas, Chinese take-out and other delivery is known colloquially to the group as “pizza-bombing.” This militant act of gastronomical aggression, combined with a cybcerattack on “Papa’s” website is only just the beginning, says the mainstream hacker collective group.

Here is the site currently under attack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjhzXDDXt74

Papa John did not respond to numerous, repeated requests for comment. His public relations department did, however, refer The Internet Chronicle to a section of the nondisclosure agreement that shows they are not permitted to talk about the nondisclosure agreement. That staff, we later learned, have been fired and are currently unemployed.