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New “Chemsheet” phenomenon coats skies

New laterally dispersed Chemsheets are equivalent to nearly 100 chemtrails and deployed by a single passenger jet.
New laterally dispersed Chemsheets are equivalent to nearly 100 chemtrails and deployed by a single passenger jet.

INTERNET — Reports of laterally dispersed Chemsheets which appear as a jet liner passes over are reportedly part of a secret crash program by meteorologists at DARPA.

These chemsheets are equivalent to nearly 100 chemtrails deployed by a single passenger jet, and there is now some controversy in the chemtrail science community. They can be broken up into two schools: the Apocalyptics and the Beneficents. Some Chemtrail scientists have seen the chemtrails as an effort in “homeopathic” style drugging and or poisoning of civilians — at times sure that one day, as depicted in the Denver Airport murals, global elites will apply the final lethal dose and rid the world of its overpopulation.

Beneficents believe this theory of the Apocalyptics laughable, because they see the ruling class as smart enough to keep their useful slaves around. Rather than stopping global warming abruptly and with such drastic means, they believe the ruling class, specifically American and West European, are trying to turn climate change in the advantage of Western interests, at the expense of Chinese and Asian ecologies. Each year, targeted seeding in the Atlantic stirs up hurricanes purposefully aimed for the East Coast in order to blow all the pollution from America in a convection current towards Asia. This is why the Beneficents believe deserts are spreading in Africa and all the smog in the world has descended upon mainland China.

With the sharp rise of chemsheets over urban populations, Beneficents can no longer fall upon the argument that chemtrails are too homeopathic to be poisonous or effect the nervous system. Apocalyptic chemtrail scientists have proven beyond a doubt that were the chemsheets composed of Polonium 210 or other poisons, entire city populations could be wiped out with a single attack.

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Technology Uncontrollable Patriotism

NSA totally behaving like creepy uncle at the Internet family reunion

Creepy old Uncle NSA. Where are his hands??
Creepy old Uncle NSA. Where are his hands??

It’s hanging onto everyone, leering around at the room as it gropes the family children, probing for stuff it’s not supposed to find.

“Uh-oh, what have we here? Something you’re not supposed to be doing. Your parents would be very upset if they knew that you did that. There, there. Don’t cry. Really. You can make it all better. That’s a good girl. You don’t have to cry. Uncle NSA can help you make it all better. Shhhhhhhh.”

The NSA knows all the best changing rooms, where they can take a peek at your children’s sexting photos and blackmail their enemies with the same handy multi-tool, connected right into that magical cloud like it’s Ghost in the Fucking Shell.

But I already know you’re not mad. I’m just saying.

Heck, I’m glad we have something like the NSA protecting our freedoms, like other paramilitary, sub-governmental groups such as the Taliban, Hezbollah and Hamas protect the freedoms of their constituents.

Thanks, creepy Uncle NSA! Give me a hug. Hey! Tee-hee. Watch the hands!

This message brought to you jingoistically by Lebal Drocer, Inc. – American patriotism at its finest.

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Banksy shot dead on the run from NYPD

Banksy's death brings a fresh point of view to his artwork. Certainly he is in hell now.
Banksy’s death brings a fresh point of view to his artwork. Certainly he is in hell now.

NEW YORK — Banksy’s New York studio attempted to drop a giant banner spanning the entire George Washington Bridge, which would have said “LONDON RULES, NEW YORK DROOLS,” but police reportedly assailed Banksy before any of the 2,000 banners were successfully hung. Police were tipped off by new spy drones which peer through windows at suspected drug houses and at the hotel rooms of foreign dignitaries.

After evading arrest and reaching for the smartphone in his pocket, which police believed may have been a weapon, Banksy was shot 77 times. No investigation is being held.

Anonymous family members of Banksy asked fans of Banksy not to report on his identity and ignore tabloid media which is making money in a way Banksy would never approve of. Banksy was 64 years old and had three children and will be missed by fans more than any graffiti artist in all of time.