One local farmer says ‘Society ain’t no good anymore’

“It just ain’t worth havin’,” says a farmer. An area farmer is under fire after suggesting society serves “really no purpose” and – in his words – is “just there to fuck with my shit.” The church struck back Saturday as Newport area Reverend Reggie Pollops announced Operation Black Sabbath, a plan to end nihilistic […]

Local man repairs relationship, loses penis

Roanoke, Va.–A Roanoke man savagely mutilated himself Friday while trying to prove to his ex-wife he was “still man enough to sexual role-play and use a skill saw naked.” Sources say he was attempting to sacrifice the family housecat to the love gods when things suddenly appeared very wrong. Tina Shrubman, a 46 year old […]