When the universe began, Baby Jesus was just real tiny. Scientific evidence would suggest that Baby Jesus was smaller than the size of an infinitely dense pinhead containing all the matter of the known universe. According to the Bible, the universe is theorized to have originated from a bubble distending from a former instance of a previous universe – perhaps with different physics and even different math – after tunneling through the boundaries of space and time. This is what we understand the Big Bang to be.

President Obama wants an Internet Reset button that would take advantage of our probable existence within a false vacuum to be able to completely kill every person. But instead of killing each and every person, he could dissolve the illusion of time and make it so we never existed, wreaking havoc on our already unstable economy.

The coming of Anti-Christ Obama, as foretold by the Legend of the Bible, and heralded by quantum leaps in blood transfusion technology, would appear to be a self-supportive M-theory of everything, if it weren’t for those meddlin’ A-rabs and their confounded heebie jibby du-rag religion of intolerance. It is thanks to people like Osama bin Laden, Moammar Gaddafi, and George Carlin personal and religious Freedom is infinitely more threatened now than ever before, without possible recourse as a cascading string of invisible black holes accrete the matter from your living rooms, bank accounts, dumb-eyed children and 401K.

Won’t you please help? Donate a bitcoin to the chronicle.su charity for the blind followers of meaningless pseudo-culture today. Won’t you please?

Our bitcoins address

18zJouAQAMzX5sJygZ4M2QV7yb8FzxSbdq

A personal appeal from Chronicle.SU founder Ronny "Wayne" Nitro

The Chronicle provides the public with the service of factual and up-to-date information that other news sources fear. Under the umbrella of Lebal Drocer, we are provided with an endless supply of capital. However, we are facing a desperate shortage of GTFO.

I’m writing this today to beg of you, please, do your part. Without more GTFO, Chronicle.SU will simply be unable to feed the internet hate-machine.

Without GTFO, we might be stuck with hours’ – or even days’ – worth of your unwanted presence, wasting bandwidth and hogging up all the truth so others can’t have any. Share the truth. GTFO.

Without GTFO, we can not be bothered to produce the counterculture propaganda you couldn’t possibly think up for yourselves. You need us, and we need you, to GTFO.

The dual nature of GTFO is the driving force of the Chronicle.SU. Without GTFO, there can be nothing out of which to GTF.

That is because there is a whole world outside. In order to fully understand and appreciate the Chronicle, you must GTFO: experience the outside world, watch FOX News, or at least shop at Kroger. Then come back to the Chronicle, and bring with you, please, your generous contribution of GTFO.

We welcome small donations as well!

This message has been brought to you by recursion, and Lebal Drocer, Inc.