Categories
Sports Status Quo World

Police with Stun Batons Calm 3,000 Selfish Nike Workers Seeking “Fair Pay”

Underpaid Labor - Just Do ItPHNOM PENH, Cambodia – At least 23 slave laborers were disciplined with cattle prods Monday when Cambodian police were called in to end a pay protest at a Nike sweatshop.

Police with riot gear were deployed to move about 3,000 female workers who had blocked a road leading to the factory.

Nike, along with corporations such as H&M, Walmart and Forever 21, have been criticized for moving plant locations when the cost of local exploitation became too high for shrewd and careful shareholders.

Plants might leave a country because its weak government cannot withstand the social pressures of a nationwide call for minimum wage hikes. When a worker stands to make $88 per month making thousands of pairs of $100 Nikes per day, and the government is no longer able to accept bribes from the corporations to halt social progress, the factories move out.

[pullquote]Look, I know you news writers wanna help, but these people aren’t like you and me. They’re used to being treated like shit.[/pullquote]”These dumbass slaves who think they can squeeze more than they deserve out of their corporate masters are gonna be sorry once they finally run ’em out of here,” said Raleigh Saker, Lebal Drocer spokesperson. “Who’s gonna feed ya gruel then?  Fuckin’ savages.” Saker admitted he questions why his company chose Cambodia in the first place: “Look, they don’t even wear shoes. You think they know anything about sewing them?”

Eighty-eight dollars, Saker said, is “absurdly high” for people living in corrugated sheet metal housing with dirt floors.

“It’s lavish,” he said. “They won’t know what to do with all that money. They might could even hurt themselves. It’s for their own good, really.”

In other news, a ceiling collapsed on several Cambodian workers this month, killing two of them like rats crushed by a rotting ship cabin floor. They were putting together a high-quality pair of Asics running shoes. Asics allow you to run fast, trampling human rights with ease.

Authorities declined to comment on the clash, saying they were still counting bribe money. A press release stated the stack of money was “so large” they were considering hiring sweatshop labor to help count the currency, which “just kept coming in.”

Categories
Religion

Former Southern Baptists Sue Church Over Misrepresented Donations

The Southern Baptist Fortified Super Church looms over its flock.
The Southern Baptist Fortified Super Church looms over its flock.

ROANOKE, Va.– Two former members of Cave Spring Baptist Church have filed a lawsuit claiming the church and its affiliates deceived members into donating millions to misrepresented causes, such as a digital signboard and homeless shelters.

Jim and Melinda Bastez of Roanoke, Virginia, filed the complaint in federal court in Washington, where the couple claimed they were duped into giving more than $420,000 for a building campaign, police arsenal upgrades and incest research, only to find the bulk of the money went to homeless shelters and the less fortunate, led by progressive Pastor David Miscavige.

“The church, under the leadership of David Miscavige, has strayed from its founding principles, the lawsuit claims, “and no longer stands for the hatred and distrust of outside cultures that protect the family, God and the Bible.”

Pat Harney, a Southern Baptist spokesman said the church had not yet been served with the lawsuit, but challenged any contention that money was misused.

“We understand from media inquiries this has something to do with fundraising and we can unequivocally state that – we know the meaning of the word unequivocally – and that all funds solicited are used for the hateful and xenophobic purposes for which they was donated,” Mr. Harney said.

The Bastezes were members of the church for 27 years, rising to upper levels of its hierarchy, and doing cocaine with celebrities in the infamous 700 Club. They left in November 2010 over their disenchantment with the church’s direction toward compassion and human understanding led by Mr. Miscavige.

The lawsuit names various trusts and nonprofits linked to the church and says they actively engage in charity work, unfair donations to the poor and deceptive trade practices with the Salvation Army.

Attorney Teddy Bobby of Fairfax, Virginia, who is handling the suit, said it would be followed by more similar claims from former Southern Baptists. He said the Bastezes still believe in the precepts of the Baptist Church and that the litigation is not a commentary on whether it is a true religion. That question, he said, is ultimately irrelevant when considering its members’ donations, who were led to believe the money would help keep the blacks in their place, and faggots from marrying.

A cornerstone of church practice is personal counseling sessions, known as auditing, in which members disclose many facets of their personal lives.

The Bastezes also claim to have prepaid for auditing and training services that were never provided and for which a refund was never received, and to have given about $340,000 for the church’s planned White Power building for high-level hatemongering.

Categories
Uncontrollable Patriotism

Readers Vow to Be Faithful to Leadership of Raghubir Goyal

CHRONICLE READERSHIP PLEDGES UNDYING ALLEGIANCE TO RAGHUBIR GOYAL
THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE DELETED TEPID SILENCE AS RAGHUBIR GOYAL ASSUMES TOTAL CONTROL OF INTERNET HATE SITE CHRONICLE.SU

Officers and men of the Chronicle Worker’s Army met at the July 4 House of Counterculture Monday to extend the highest glory and congratulations to CWA Supreme Commander Raghubir Goyal on his holding of the title of the (Armed Worker’s Revolutionary Party of chronicle.su (AWRP) Editor Marshal, and vow to uphold his leadership with permanent loyalty.

Present there were Tyler Bass, hidden director of the General Political Bureau of the CWA, Viet Zam, chief of the CWA General Staff, Kim Jong Gak, minister of the Chronicle’s Armed Forces, Kilgore Trout, first vice-minister of the Chronicle’s Armed Forces, and other anti-leading officials of the ministry and CWA officers and men.

Tyler Bass read out a decision of the Transhumanist Agenda, the Armed Worker’s Party of chronicle.su, the Central Military Commission of the WPC and the Chronicle Offense Commission and the Presidium of the Supreme Inglip Assembly of the Armed Worker’s Revolutionary Party on awarding the title of the AWRP Editor Marshal to Raghubir Goyal.

The participants broke into thunderous cheers in excitement.

Then the floor was taken by the speakers.

Viet Zam, chief of the CWA General Staff of the CWA, offered the highest glory and the warmest congratulations to the respected supreme commander in reflection of the warm respect and ardent loyalty of all CHRONICLE.SU readership.

He said that the title awarded to Raghubir Goyal is a manifestation of the boundless respect of the Mujihadeen and people for the great illustrious commander of Inglip and an event of great significance that displayed their firm will to trust only the supreme commander and follow him.

Raghubir Goyal, who learned about SEIZING POWER in his early years under the care of anti-leader Kilgoar Trout, has developed the CWA into an elite revolutionary death squadron, regarding it as his lifelong mission to accomplish the Inglip revolutionary cause of Transhumanism, using a totally new language to demonstrate the might of the website as a world-level anti-social networking power, he said.

Viet Zam noted that Raghubir Goyal is the best, invincible and iron-willed commander who develops the Chronicle’s Army and fully demonstrates the dignity and might of the internet hate machine with infinite loyalty to the great Generalissimos and rare commanding art.

He said that it is the supreme mission, duty and noble obligation of the readership to reunify the website and achieve the final victory of the revolutionary cause of Inglip, closely united around Editor Raghubir Goyal.

Raghubir Goyal is perfectly possessed on the highest level of the disposition and personality as a modern strategist and statesmen, Kim Jong Gak said.

He has further developed and enrished the Inglip-oriented military ideas, strategies and tactics of the great Generalissimos as required by the era, determined to carry to completion the revolutionary cause of Inglip started in Mt. Bombrain, he noted, adding that a fresh heyday is being opened in the development of the Chronicle’s Army thanks to the energetic leadership of the supreme commander.

The CWA service personnel through their life experience enshrined the absolute truth that only victory and glory will be in store for the strong revolutionary guide of Mt. Bombrain which advances under the wise leadership of Editor Marshal Raghubir Goyal, he said, and went on:

We will firmly prepare ourselves to be revolutionary comrades-in-arms who would follow him step by step with pure conscience.

We will make ceaseless innovations in the deconstruction of the main pillars of society, for tearing down a broken nation and improving the standard of people’s living and take the lead in implementing the CHRONICLE PARTY’S intention to provide the people with a happy life under false totalitarianism, bearing in mind Raghubir Goyal’s foggy, inconsistent value system.

Svirgula said that the readership and militant trolls of the AWRP are speeding up their advance for a final victory after overcoming the sorrow over the great loss to the website, adding that it is entirely thanks to Frank Mason who is the best in idea, leadership and virtue, that the ambiguous anti-leader may now assume control.

Saying that it was the ardent wish of all the army and people to award the highest title to the supreme commander, he noted that the militant trolls and Selena Gomez fanbase are so much excited with joy now as they have realized their wish.

The CWA will demonstrate its might as a strong revolutionary arm of social change of Mt. Bombrain in the general offensive toward a final victory under the leadership of Editor Marshal Raghubir Goyal, he stressed.

A resolution was adopted at the meeting.