We, the people, no longer value journalism

Jamie Jo Corne, publisher of Presstorm. She is NOT a celebrity.

Presstorm is an online publication devoted to what its creator, Jamie Jo Corne, calls “investigative journalism.” In Corne’s own words, “We are investigative jouranlists [sic] who consider ourselves among the many who consider themselves to be anonymous as well.” This laughable statement is demonstrably loaded with fallacy. Jamie Jo Corne may consider herself among those who consider themselves among anonymous, but she has never even used the pretense of a pen name. As far as the lofty journalistic ethics of Presstorm go, they are no more than a mythology created by Corne for the purpose of self-promotion. At least Barrett Brown knows how to cite sources and present a valid point. Jamie Jo Corne can do neither, instead desperately putting on the most convincing show she can muster.

“…Presstorm staff agreed that we would continue upholding the integrity of true journalism by attempting to get the entire story which meant that we had to go in and become the devil’s advocates in order to find some truths…eventually we succeeded as we received exactly one tweet from the organizers confirming that Zuccotti Park was indeed a privately owned park (formerly known as Liberty Park).” ~ Jamie Jo Corne

This excerpt perfectly exemplifies Presstorm’s abysmal lack of rigor. A first-year journalism student would understand that “exactly one tweet” is confirmation of nothing. The absurd narrative of journalistic integrity Corne pushes is simply compensation for its complete absence. Truly, none of the writers at Presstorm are held to any standard above Jamie Jo Corne’s arbitrary decree.

Corne maintains, “We have editing processes in place to help those who are writing – to be credible quality and true.” She explains, “the law here at presstorm is simple 1.) Nothing gets done without going through me first – or [my husband] vincubus. we are the publisher/co-publisher this includes interviews promoting shit ..etc 2.) When I am trying to talk about an issue in any of the chats Shut up and listen please. I always allow feedback.” It appears Corne believes herself to be a perfect filter for truth. In accordance with Presstorm law, the public should passively receive the wisdom of Corne before questioning it. This dictatorial model is perfectly in step with the hegemonic structures Corne purports to oppose.

Without a doubt, the content of Presstorm is largely unsupported opinion and factless editorial. Phillip Brennan writes on Presstorm, “Our Governments have been in a state of Civil War with We the People for years and we have not even realised it yet,” citing his own blog as evidence. Corne herself states, “There’s a reason that the American People don’t hear about a lot of things because in truth, the American People are some of the most silenced people in the world…and not by force.” Such sweeping, ambiguous statements may be true, but without any supporting evidence they don’t even pass for substantial editorial, much less investigative journalism.

Presstorm only serves as a soapbox for a self-selecting set of apopleptic and misinformed dissidents who have been known to cite anti-semitic forgeries and Alex Jones, all the while pretending this monstrosity is some kind of pinnacle of journalistic ethics. Presstorm is the worst possible incarnation of blogging. There is definitely a valid place for opinion in the media, but when it parades itself around as investigative journalism, a great harm is inflicted upon the notion of truth.

Worse yet, Corne believes herself to be the savior of the emergent Anonymous subculture. Corne stated, “I will make anonymous as a whole look like the asshats they were before I tried helping them with their PR as they asked me to.” Corne’s threat towards “anonymous as a whole” is sure evidence of a deeply delusional mental state. It appears Corne believes she is the sole curator of this entire movement, responsible for its rise and fall.

At the heart of it all, Jamie Jo Corne probably has good intentions, believing Presstorm provides a service for liberty and democracy. As she says, “it’s the voice of the people.” What makes Corne so naive is her belief that she is somehow providing a unique service. Of course, this is an obvious fallacy. Anyone can start a blog and freely opine from their own virtual soapbox. Presstorm is not providing a voice to the voiceless, it is putting the voice of the people on an unrealistic pedestal. Presstorm is not a positive contribution to freedom. It is not journalism. What Corne is doing is hitching a ride with the Anonymous bandwagon on her way to fame. “I am NOT a celebrity,” she explains, as complete cognitive dissonance overtakes her mind.

Andrew Breitbart is gay

“I’m going to indulge in my all ’80s Depeche Mode, Cure, New Order fetish and we’re going to have a big ‘ol gay party at CPAC.” ~Andrew Breitbart

Anonymous sources close to Andrew Breitbart have revealed Breitbart is in fact a closet homosexual. “I’ve slept with Breitbart before,” said one source, “and he’s quite a vigorous power-bottom.” Although Breitbart has militantly defended his sexuality, another source told us “he despises sleeping with his wife.”

Notice Breitbart's long hair and unshaven face, sure signs of homosexual tendencies.

Breitbart is a member of GOProud, a conservative gay group which in Breitbart’s own words aims to “defy the left’s stifling demand for group conformity.” In fact, Breitbart supports the end of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in the military and lobbies to legalize gay marriage.

Breitbart recently orchestrated the political assassination of Anthony Weiner by repeatedly posting x-rated photographs of Weiner’s genitalia. Breitbart’s fixation on Anthony Weiner’s penis has led to scrutiny from his conservative backers, as if his San Francisco lisp and lib haircut was not enough evidence.

“He’s a deeply torn man. After we made love one night, he fell apart. He cried in my arms for hours, lamenting what he was doing to the Democratic party – especially what he did to ‘that sexy Anthony Weiner.’ For some reason, he keeps up this tough guy front like he’s some kind of conservative badass. It’s all just a show.” ~ Anonymous

Cheetah Surrender: Through the Eyes of a Jew

Jamie Jo Cornhole's ritual cleansing.

Below is a piece of brief prose that I wrote to commemorate the ways upon which “jews,” affects humanity – even those whose job it is to further humanity.  Read it once – and read it again.  Jews, Cheetahs, violence, and hate affects us all. It affects our thinking, it affects our character, and it affects us in ways that we don’t even understand.  We are not immune to sociopathic behavior, if pushed towards the violence by the majority and if it war becomes a necessity to survive rather than an act of defense. And now I give you: Cheetah Surrender.

Jerusalem has become a department store for the everlasting dreams of Cheetahs. The snow pays its last respects, landing gently upon the realistic, big-eyed anime dolls with whom I’m going steady, as they await my sexual demands. I gaze hatefully through a rifle scope and scan the maze of death traps that I once ran through as a child and urinate myself. Cheetahs everywhere. Their dicks contain actual bones. Pokey ones.

The  desolate phallic structures have been demolished by the sexually ravaging Sixth Army like a flesh eating fuck disease. The frozen stillness of the morning air pervades my usual incontinence, also Cheetahs. The array of traumatic childhood memories tinge the edges of my concentration and  the pungent aroma of gasoline and hydrogen cyanide keep an erection at bay. Matzos.. so shitty.. The almond taste on my tongue reminds me of the hard realities I must face. How many of you can stand before a pile of corpses and remain a decent man? Some dude next to me doing card tricks breaks the silence after a series of motions with his hands to ask, “Is this your card?”

Again, I shake my head no. I am also glad that I do not wear a kippah.

Today, I am the piss-soaked damned. Who do you think controls the media?! The power I hold at the tip of my index finger will change the fate of even the noblest of men, the bullet becoming a silent angel of death – if it had been a gun I held. But instead it was a computer mouse. An old Macintosh type with one giant square button. The software moved the cursor 1-dimensionally up and down. The concept of left and right would not be invented until around two years later.

A movement catches my eye. TV is now watched with our backs to the screen. Zionist puppets! MASONS! ILLUMINATI! To kill or be killed? That is today’s episode of Seinfeld. We must secure the existence of our people.  Hands reach out from the screens and around our faces to communicate like small children crying for attention and playing guess who at the same time. TVs are so damn annoying. Crouching amid the garden of carnage below, one lone German soldier has made a mortal move. Walker, Texas Ranger approaches.

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion! With vigilance, our crypto-Nazi propagandist examines this document, desperately searching for the retarded enemies like a lost child looking for his mother. He has come to the valley of the shadow of death. Fucking schmuck! I lurk here sometimes, only a short distance above, ready to avenge my people’s despair. “Let my people go!” their prophet said. Was it worth it little Cheetah Jew man? Was it worth your mother’s virginity? Today is history. Today is the Presstorm.

Here comes a series of trite, introspective thoughts. Try to ignore them.

“Do you ever wonder what could have been? Have you ever farted in your hand and then smelled it?  How must it feel to be so pitiful and nefarious? Nicht wahr? Why do I suspiciously fetishize the German language? Your life means so little? Fucky? Sucky fucky? It was the Jews… I knew it!”

Now, you are all alone. You have your dick in one hand and you are surfing the World Wide Web with the other. You jerk it to chubby porn. Is your cause worth the numbness in your fingers and toes, or do you regret touching that colorful froggie now? General Frost is merciless. He is quite cold but not unexpectedly so. Was the hunger in your  stomach as you stood before Hitler and vowed loyalty to him? I stood before him after eating a shit ton of pommes and drinking Club Mate. Anyway, has he come  to save you now? He sent me a buttload of amphetamines. The tiny little heads of your children must be tucked  into their cozy beds right now, each one bearing the face of Adolf Hitler, while I get to tweak all fucken night. Is bedtime worth the tears your children will shed as they visit your grave in years to come and remember what an old shit you were? Is this worth just four easy payments of $9.95? Easily.

A child woke up and realized this was only a dream. He dreamed that he buttfucked Lynxx and Lamb Gaede with the dick of a cheetah. It was mega hot. He continued tucking little heads into bed even though he had no little beds available. His Mother once told me that to kill another means you own their soul. They will linger upon the essence of our being and when we die, they are there to drag us to hell – which really is a small price to pay considering all we do for them. For now, I am still condemned and this is still my duty.

Many years have drifted past, collecting multitudes of disdain and relentless tragedy. My eyes have seen the demons of history come rapping upon the day, time after time and again. Will cheetahs ever manifest the lessons learned?   Round and round the world turns, the cycles of life only come to begin again. Then one moment in time is separated from the grief and sustenance of suffering. The echo of death whispers through the mind of  a  lonely forlorn soldier. The silent messenger of promise desire encroaches.

Do not fear death little cheetah. Look into my eyes and we shall both know the peace of surrender. There is no shame in connecting with the enemy. I am no longer the enemy. I am only here to take away your pain.

He looks left then right. In one final movement, he is looking directly through my eyes and into my soul. Time suspends itself and there is nothing but complete forgiveness. I find myself completely consumed with a love that cannot be compared. The coldness of my stoned heart becomes the warmth radiated by the first ray of sun on a cold morning. I feel his pain, but it is love. I feel his hate, but it is calm. There is a certain acceptance, and I know that it is time. I will serve the Jewish cheetah no pain.

The bullet penetrates the Jew’s skull. The  life of one has  ceased, as the life of another is only just beginning.  I lift myself off  the ground and the tiny flutters in my abdomen  remind me of my motherly duties.

Through the eyes, love attains the death of suffering – and we all find our Cheetah surrender.

***This was a Piece that I published several years ago in a now-closed Cheetah’s History Magazine***

Jamie Jo Cornhole is executive editor of Presstorm, a news site serving 10 million visitors per month. She holds the equivalent of 17 PHDs and is an expert in the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Welcome to Roanoke, Virginia

Roanoke is situated on the Roanoke River, which forms a valley in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Southwest Virginia. The Appalachian trail and the Blue Ridge parkway pass through, bringing in tourists. The Mill Mountain star, a giant neon light, acts as the centerpiece to the city. The historic architecture of the downtown area is quite charming, especially the Hotel Roanoke’s Tudorbethan styling and the Gothic spires of St. Andrew’s church. The newly built $66-million Taubman Museum of Art features modern design reminiscent of the Sydney Opera House and is home to over 2,000 works of art. Roanoke has also spent $32-million on a recreation center, convenient to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Nearly $8-million was spent renovating the City Market building, at which point most of the old food vendors were driven out by an increase in rent. Over $35-million will be spent to widen a stretch of road which is less than one mile in length.

In the past few years, Roanoke has seemingly had its hands on more money than it can spend. The building projects are a sign that Roanoke is doing well. Still, corners have been cut. Glaring problems have been ignored. Childhood memories have been destroyed. Roanoke’s Explore Park, a living museum and window into history, was closed in 2007. The Explore Park was a truly charming destination where visitors stepped back in time to a working blacksmith forge, a native village, and all the trappings of the colonial era.

Roanoke does not seem to value its natural beauty, either. Plans to allow a Chicago firm to place a wind farm on Poor Mountain have been met with defiance from nearby residents, but the County Council has continued to pave the way for corporate interests by loosening restrictions on the placement of the turbines. Although the majority of Roanoke approves of the wind farm, opponents are concerned the farm will destroy the area’s natural beauty and kill hundreds of thousands of birds and bats.

Despite all the extravagant construction projects designed to attract tourists and line the pockets of building contractors, Roanoke has shown some small appreciation for natural beauty. Roanoke’s greenway has provided a bike trail along the beautiful Roanoke River which has become an instant hit with Roanokers. Development of the greenway has not, perhaps, drawn enough attention to the abysmal state of the Roanoke River. Although the river is filled with litter, industrial equipment and sewage, Roanoke does not seem interested in spending its dime on cleaning things up.


Roanoke spends a lot of money on cockamamy schemes to draw in tourists and preserving natural beauty is, at best, an afterthought.

To Anonymous (2.0)

Gay Fucks Suit
Tea Party Movement

Big new websites are springing up to say the same old shit, big old bad guys now look like mute Bill O’Reillys, and there are still serious problems so large in the political system, human injustices so glaring yet so daunting, no anonymous Twitter feed dare mention them.

Brace yourselves, kids, because I’m about to let you have it. Playtime is over and it’s high time you pulled your heads out of your asses now.

You kids are too stupid to acknowledge the host lest it legitimize the parasite. I’m talking about congressional vote selling, telcoms stealing your internet, campaign finance reform. Attack this shit, you pussies! God damn it, help the real world fucking change something! You can’t DDoS cash incentives. Of course, you won’t be DDoSing SHIT when Cox Communications caps your bandwidth but what do you know about that?

You like to pretend like you’re doing something so controversial your pathetic lives are actually in some sort of danger but you can’t stop anything meaningful, nothing truly sinister, from taking place – or else you really would have a gun stuck in your face at 4 a.m. but you won’t. Because the real world doesn’t fuck around, but you wouldn’t know anything about that either. So you prance around like a faggot in his mother’s underwear behind Twitter accounts, IRC networks, Gay Fawkes masks, and talk about how badass you think you are to 1,000 people doing the same thing.

That’s just your behavior, though. And I don’t care about any of your ideals because I can see plainly that you don’t either. You’re just not passionate about anything except #opBART only because you’ve made that “operation” more about your faggy “anonymous” movement than a boy being shot – than freedom of speech itself. Remember when protests were called protests and didn’t need gung-ho internet terminology attached to them to motivate the youth? Yeah, me either, because my generation’s never had a spine.

The only useful effort I’ve seen put forth by people calling themselves anonymous – that doesn’t appear to be some anarchistic impulse of provocation, that doesn’t appear to be juvenile nor embarrass me on your behalf, is the effort of @AnonMedics. Damn, that’s awesome. You better be glad somebody’s following you around, ready to pull you out of whatever trouble your juvenile delinquency gets you into. Because I sure as hell wouldn’t wipe your ass if you shat yourself at my protest.

Whether you’re #antisec or #prosec – nobody gives a fuck because to onlookers you are full of redfaced angry nerdrage that embarrasses anyone who ever thought there might be this mysterious behind the scenes hacker group making big things happen. Grayhats, whitehats, blackhats – all subjective terminology like ‘terrorist’ and ‘freedom fighter’ except the only people who give a fuck is you and your hapless victims.

Also, I thought you were anarchists? So then why is this pussy crying about an attack on the state? You kids are inconsistent, shameful failures.

Your sweeping general statements about politics and law are laughably reproducible. Your arguments sound like Monday’s Tea Party advertisement debate. Your “news sources” are masturbatory rantholes. Your process of d0xing the non-believers is reprehensible. Your work ethic is slovenly. Your web design skills make me frown and uhh, an Anonymous networking site? *snickers* Your writing skills don’t exist. Like Milhouse, your “movement” is a forced meme that gets you banned from 4chan, only faster.

Your movement is fake.


This article is part of Anonifeld – a series about nothing (Anonymous).

Th3j35t3r’s 9/11 terror spree

In th3j35t3r’s constant struggle against Jihadists, he has grown increasingly similar to his most hated enemies. By committing several terror attacks on 9/11, he has become more like Al-Qaeda than ever before. But is it going too far to call th3j35t3r’s attacks terrorism? As a recent victim of an attack by th3j35t3r, Chronicle.SU is of the opinion that th3j35t3r is indeed a terrorist. He was quick to publish our personal details in the hopes that it would scare us into submission. By this action alone, th3j35t3r definitely fits the most basic definition for terrorist.

Recently identified as a possible astroturf campaign, th3j35t3r has fought hard against allegations that he uses a botnet. While several stories have been planted in the press promoting his denial of botnet ownership, such claims rely completely on th3je5t3r’s word – the word of a law-breaking anonymous vigilante. Curiously, he refuses to release the software which enables such remarkable attacks without the use of botnets. This kind of secretive vigilantism most definitely raises many important questions, even as th3j35t3r’s 9/11 hacks mark his steady descent into a world of pure terrorism. Such secrecy does not exactly scream “activist.”

While th3j35t3r may temporarily disrupt the communications of small Jihadist forums, he acts without the approval of the military. He can only be getting in the way of serious attempts at infiltration and espionage by real experts with real defense contracts. By making provocative military action completely outside the jurisdiction of America’s military, th3j35t3r is most definitely committing acts of terrorism. It is little wonder that so few military men support th3j35t3r. They know there is no place for vigilantism on the battlefield. Yet th3j35t3r, like many terrorists, works alone.

Th3j353t3r often targets web sites on shared hosting, such as Chronicle.SU, meaning his attacks cause collateral damage to innocent civilians. He razes entire virtual cities to silence a few extremists. This all amounts to another striking similarity between th3j35t3r and Jihadists. Th3j35t3r does not take any effort to minimize collateral damage.

Like the Jihadists, it is clear th3j35t3r’s favorite day for vigilante military action is 9/11. The line that separates him from the terrorists he attacks has grown increasingly thin, and to be honest, it’s surprising he has not been condemned by a military that is surely conducting serious business in the cybertheater. The final comparison between th3j35t3r and Jihadists is possibly the most profound. Where any sensible military acts only to achieve specific goals, terrorists like th3j35t3r and bin Laden only act to bring publicity to their cause. Th3j35t3r seeks to escalate military conflict just for fame. Real experts fight thanklessly and have no use for a jester prancing around the battlefield, begging for bitcoins.

Lolocaust Denial on 9/11, the Jewish agenda

As a child I thought I was born in the right place. I still hated those country songs about God’s glory shining on our privileged slab of dirt, but I knew down deep that America was the best. We had McDonald’s while other countries ate skinned cats. But now that globalist corporations have smeared our awesome wealth outside American borders, my personal sense of American exceptionalism has hit the rocks. Pakistan has nukes. Even third world countries have education systems which produce engineers, scientists and mathematicians. Meanwhile, Americans train to become capitalist doctors, lawyers and “Business majors” for the explicit purpose of exploiting the poor more efficiently. What has happened to our great nation?


Happy 9/11

Everyone knows what really happened on 9/11, but they ignore it because it’s too uncomfortable. It shouldn’t be so shocking that 9/11 was an inside job. Al-Qaeda has always been a proxy for the United States, and Osama bin Laden a sockpuppet of the Federal government. He is a world renowned hero involved in the trolling of Middle Class America. We know 9/11 was allowed to happen because the CIA called off the search for bin Laden in the spring of 2001. His subsequent death in 2011 was faked, and he still lives comfortably on an island in the South Pacific, smoking better reefer than Americans have yet been exposed to. It’s called Afghani Mega Skunk, bin Laden’s personal contribution to cannabis horticulture.

Osama’s participation in 9/11 was only half of the picture. George W Bush received the good news that his planned operation had been successful in the most dramatic setting possible, an elementary school. His knowing, gentle nod became proof, in itself, that all these events were completely staged. For Bush, 9/11 was not such a bad thing. 3,000 people dead provided a small boost for the economy. America is in need of 100 times a 9/11, if we want a quick fix for unemployment.

We arrive now at the heart of the conspiracy. When firefighters rushed into the towers that day, charged up on false hopes of saving everyone’s lives, they ignored all intelligent advice from engineers. The firefighters charged into the World Trade Center like suicidal cowboys, when really we know they were highly trained professionals. This was a secret order from the New World Order overlords. Jewish overlords.

The Jew run media knew it would make for great television and interviews if they demanded firefighters charged into their deaths. Death is like pornography on 9/11. The cameras zoomed in on the motherfuckers falling to their deaths. It’s extremely likely the Jews are getting off on taking out their historical suffering on the world at large.

Mmmmm delicious caek

It’s not that the firefighters are especially stupid; all of America is stupid. We can infer from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion that Jews were behind 9/11. They had everything to gain, and have used this event to leverage vengeful persecution of Arabs in Afghanistan and Iraq. As the Jews are in near complete control of American media, this false flag attack was whitewashed as quickly as it was carried out. But it hasn’t ended with 9/11. Since then, the destruction of Space Shuttle Columbia was staged as a clever distraction from the invasion of Iraq. Israel was complicit, as they were on 9/11. Israel has even more recently used weaponized social media to engineer the Egyptian public. The jews made them overrun their own embassy, and World War 3 has already secretly begun. Egyptian and Israeli black ops are battling over the secret historical site of the Garden of Eden where the fate of humanity will be decided forever.

I forgot about 9/11

A sleight old man next to me furtively glanced around the sanctuary as if on high alert, looking for salvation in the shadows of a stained glass window. The pastor droned about a terrible event that happened on this day, no doubt mythological, but I had long ago tuned him out. These people in the church were shifting their moods by the minute, paranoid, then grief-stricken, then blissfully in awe of something the pastor revealed about God’s whatever. The church was perfectly calm on any normal Sunday, and I could not help but wonder.

“What’s the big deal?” I asked the excited old man, in a hushed voice. He took a sharp tone with me and announced with a completely unacceptable volume, “Jesus Christ! You didn’t know it’s the tenth anniversary of 9/11?”

I immediately felt incredibly guilty for all those innocent people’s lives. Memories came flooding back. This was the day when everything changed. When those towers fell, they fell on all of America. How could I have forgotten?

The entire church now knew I had committed the ultimate sin. I had forgotten 9/11. Darting, paranoid eyes trained on me and the walls closed in. Stained glass windows became vicious demons intensely bearing down on me. The preacher stared knowingly into my eyes and gestured towards hell. This was the worst moment of my life.

Honestly, I didn’t know why 9/11 was so important to these people. It’s not like any of them even knew anyone who died on 9/11. At first, I decided they were all just mad that I was not grieving over some dumb terrorist attack from 10 years ago, but then I realized these people were mourning 9/11 because it helped them continue to believe in America’s invincibility. 9/11 was a divine test that America failed, and by forgetting, I had failed again. This realization filled me with unfiltered dread. I could take this hellish sanctuary no longer. I ducked out of my pew and headed down the aisle. Hateful glares, even from children, filled my entire field of vision.

I have lost all faith in God and my mind is under siege from hateful demons. There is only one logical course and that is to fall into the hands of Satan.

Goodbye, world.