Rick Santorum: top 5 unorthodox views

Haha funny Santorum
Haha Funny Santorum! New episode!

WASHINGTON–Now that Santorum is doing a bunch of stuff, people are literally shitting themselves with excitement as TV news screens flood living rooms with something besides missing white girls. So we’ve decided to take a closer look at the diversion known as campaign politics to see what all the pretend fuss is about. [In {un}related news, there is an uprising in Syria being facilitated – or perhaps suppressed, we don’t know – by Russian forces.WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT–READ THE FUNNY STORY BELOW . FORGET THIS]

1. Non-whites can be American too

We can agree that English should be the national language but where Santorum departs from his Republican constituents is on the issue of whether Americans should be white. To good Christians such as ourselves, the answer is a resounding “YES!” but Mr. Santorum, perhaps by design, is being a tad generous to non-whites by not calling them out for being part of an unAmerican race.

2. College is for snobs

It’s no secret that anti-intellectualism is on the decline in America, so we’re happy to see Santorum standing up to the dreamers. It is truly disgusting that my neighbors, or my children think they deserve better than what circumstances allotted me: a life of alcoholism and watching prime time television. Hey, I didn’t choose to be this way, but I’m happy. What’s college going to do for you that Jeopardy don’t do for me? There’s a reason America doesn’t manufacture anymore, and it’s because we got to many educated motherfuckers running around with they dicks in they hands. Well done, Mr. President-to-be!

3. “John F. Kennedy’s religion speech was wrong.”

You’re god damn right it was. In February (Slack history month), Santorum made headlines after he told reporters John F. Kennedy’s religion speech made him want to “throw up.”

Santorum wants privatization of industry, not faith. With Obamacare this, and bailout that, American people don’t know who to believe anymore. And without the Bible, I guess they’re just not allowed to believe anything, thanks to John F. Kennedy, President of Marxism.

Time and time again, we’re going to see Santorum bravely standing up to people without religion, whose ambivalent belief systems are “as dangerous as the wars they also don’t believe in,” according to Santorum.

“It’s like saying, ‘Go to Hell, Jesus.'”

Mrs. Karen Santorum, a trustworthy source of santorum

Jesus is with you always
"Go to Hell, Jesus!"

4. Birth control is morally wrong

First of all, Santorum should not be taking flak for this: birth control is disgusting – FACT – Artificial contraception deprives the miracle of life to every rope of come, regardless of whether it contained the sperm that would later cure cancer, solve the debt crisis, create another debt crisis, become president, assassinate the president, smoke weed in its parents basement forever, or all of the above, including future Popes and Jesus II.

If you think you’re doing that girl any favors by pulling out, you’re dead wrong. It doesn’t matter what the woman says, if you’re going to come, there’s going to be a baby in nine months; end of story.

“We don’t budge on this issue.”

Chronicle.su executive editor Media Mogul, High Command

5. No corporate taxes for manufacturers

America has gotten too comfortable with her high standard of living. A cushy $7.55 minimum wage has turned an entire generation into Communist entitlement babies. Economy is becoming America’s number one issue.

“Now that twelve hours per week is considered part-time,” boasted Border’s Books Senior Executive Mike Flannahy, “my employees are practically drowning in pure economy, especially now that we pay them completely in copper pennies. It makes it seem like a lot more than they’re really getting.”

If Santorum can stop taxing large corporations, then it is estimated by his finance committee CEOs and shareholders will donate major portions of their free-flowing profits to social programs such as public schools and transit systems, “as a thank you, because , God bless America.”

Jesus of Occupy, Anonymous Messiah

There once was a very nonspecific kind of master who was infinitely wealthy because he had a machine which never stopped making money.  The master owned many trillions of slaves and did not want to lose his property, so he set up fences and guard towers which were manned at all times. Out of all the trillions, there was one young slave who was very strong and yearned for a life outside the fences. Time and time again, the slave escaped by overpowering the guards and blindly running into the darkness.

Once, the slave even made it to the north pole, but even then the master had enough money to hire men to hunt him down. Each time the strong slave was captured, he was lashed by the master’s guards as punishment. This may have been totally cruel, but it was the only way the master knew of to keep all of his trillions of slaves from running loose. When the slave received his lashings, he associated the pain with the feeling of pure freedom. The guards did not mind hitting the slave because it was their only true purpose anyway. Plus, the slave had injured their comrades many times while escaping, so most of them enjoyed it.

The continuing game between the slave and the guards became more unfair as they caught on to his behavior. Also, the master spent his infinite money on new ways to stop the slave. He built solid steel walls, dug deep trenches, and even installed cameras in the bathrooms. After a while, the master just had the slave locked away in a vault made of solid diamond.

While in the diamond chamber, The slave realized that the escapes were really a desperate and masochistic attempt at control. That was the only kind of freedom he had really ever wanted, the freedom to die at the hands of his master. Out of pity, the master let the slave out of the diamond chamber many years later. Rather than attempt another desperate escape, the slave killed a guard as soon as he had a chance. The other guards promptly shot the slave to death.

Those Sandusky Boys – A Major Motion Picture

Sandusky
He's got that look on his face like he's been sucking on little boy scrotums and little pinky shaped boy penises. Sucking on little pink nutsacks.

BITING REVIEW: I just watched Those Sandusky Boys, the finest piece of investigative journalism there’s ever been since the Watergate scandal revealed Richard M. Nixon routinely trafficked little boys into the White House.

[Editor’s note: This was the biggest little boy scandal until Penn. State’s Coach Sandusky proved it could be more easily done with free tickets and promises to meet certain heroes in the shower room]

Stan Marivan, main character of the Hollywood blockbuster Those Sandusky Boys, which grossed $40 million on its opening weekend, plays himself: an Internet millionaire working for chronicle.su who donates half of his earnings to right-wing conservative hackers in the form of bitcoins. Marivan said the film incorporates fictional elements to make it more interesting, such as bitcoins being worth something.

“I’ve experimented with men before,” said Marival. “But I have a girlfriend. I am very interested in the things I can do to her, sexually.”

Marival is like M. Night Shamalayanayea except he’s talented and the only twist he needs is a titty twist as he’s getting his rocks off so he can bust a nut up inside his girlfriend and Those Sandusky Boys.

 Attorneys are awash with litigation pertaining to the film’s sensitive subject and refusal to change the names of neither the perpetrator nor his victims. “But all in all,” Marival said, “It’s just a bunch of whatever, we’re making money. Shit.” Marival threw up his hands and squatted so hard he tore the ass out of his khaki slacks, and shat liquid projectile feces directly into his own rare human-face carpeting in the Whollywood Whills.

Marival yelled to a woman named Henrietta, attaching profanities in Spanish, and pointed to the brown stains in his living room. The woman exhaled a whimpering cry, and wallowed in it.

What the fuck is this!?

So today I signed onto Chronicle.SU and saw fucking porn ADS popping up all over the place. What the shit has this place become?

Just a couple of days ago I read a really great article and I thought Chronicle was finally making a comeback…

Now they’re just going to make a bunch of ridiculous stories up for hits, you know. Not even writing funny stories, just hit stunts using search engine tricks. Fuck the Internet Chroncile. Yeah you heard me, fuck this place.

I’m quitting this fucking web site, you’ll never see me here again. Kilgoar and Ol Brutus are dead to me. Everything they write from this point on is just to make money. Fuck. I hate this.

Has WikiLeaks become a tabloid?

When Julian Assange revealed the collateral murder video in Washington DC, I was so incredibly glad that someone had finally brought light to the horrors of war. After learning the effect that such reporting could have from the Vietnam war, the US government has essentially taken complete control of war reporting. I was less impressed with Cablegate, which raised a lot of questions for me. Was the publishing of this information simply a manifestation of Assange’s anti-American bent? Was it possible to even view these cables in the proper context? At this point in time, I still sided with Assange and felt that Bradley Manning’s good intentions and idealistic desire for transparency would make for a better world.

WikiLeaks was marginalized and then demonized in a way that shocked me deeply. I was inspired by the response from Anonymous, and quickly shocked by the pure extremism which climaxed with the FBI’s AntiSec sting operation. Likewise, the publishing of Stratfor’s internal e-mails, which were stolen simply out of opportunism and malice, was absolutely horrifying.

WikiLeaks has become a tabloid, cheerleading for Anonymous and publishing snippets of e-mails from Stratfor which are taken wildly out of context. One infamous quotation of George Friedman, CEO of Stratfor, has been misrepresented in a deeply crass and disgusting way. As is the rule for tabloids, outrageous headlines obscure the true story.

Oh, that must mean Stratfor is not to be trusted!

The link, of course, leads a tiny minority of readers to a silly e-mail about lunches being stolen from the fridge at Stratfor headquarters. The vast majority of people read the quote and go on to the next tweet, automatically assuming that Stratfor is a bunch of conniving liars. The notion that Stratfor is a “Shadow-CIA” has also spread to all corners of the Internet, although it is a gross misrepresentation at best. Really, Stratfor isn’t nearly as sinister as it might sound.

Supporters of WikiLeaks repeatedly state that Stratfor is a legitimate target for this campaign of forced transparency simply because its business overlaps with the military industrial complex. While I fully agree with the sentiment that the military industrial complex is basically an overgrown monster, is it okay to attack Campbell’s soup for feeding the troops? This simple bad guy/good guy paradigm is obviously not realistic, and the situation is much more complicated. Stratfor provides their services to many corporations, individuals, and government entities both in and outside the United States. Many of these subscribers have been targeted by Anonymous and literally robbed, seemingly for no reason at all. The suggestion that there are important confidential e-mails dripping with scandal and crime has so far proven totally false.

What the Stratfor leaks have revealed, essentially, is that there are a bunch of analysts doing their best to figure out world events and speculating about practically every major happening. Some of these analysts don’t really like Julian Assange, and some of them even make racist statements in private e-mails. On the surface, the Global Intelligence Files appear to be an astounding list of revelations which will keep conspiracy theorists abuzz and WikiLeaks in the public spotlight. At their heart, it’s a sad failure for truth where context has been cut out to push an obvious anti-American agenda.

Right now, you might be thinking, “Hey, but all these tabloids are trying to take down WikiLeaks and smear Assange,” and you’d be totally right. But Assange has fired back, making equally outrageous claims about his detractors. The reductio ad absurdum of Assange’s stance is summarized in the following tweet:

Of course the e-mails from Stratfor are legitimate.

I have considered Assange a genuine agent for positive change and much needed transparency in the past, but this is the tweet that made me realize what WikiLeaks has become: A stupid tabloid with a penchant for the absurd. Look at the web site around you. This is absolutely the Internet’s fastest growing tabloid, featuring intelligent and biting satire. I know what a tabloid does. WikiLeaks has become a tabloid.

I challenge Assange to officially recognize the importance of context. Assange should pony up the $50,000 because I pointed out where he literally destroyed veracity by placing a quotation wildly out of context. And what is truth, if the framework of meaning behind it has been omitted?

A tabloid we may be, but at least we aren’t perniciously cramming a single-minded agenda down your throat by twisting the context of stolen material. Well, I guess we are, but at least our agenda is just all about the laughs. Kinda.

important message from the staff at chronicle.su

 

it has come to our knowledge that many many of you do not know of the radio show that is on air nightly(radiohate) . also we have a sister station (butts2butts live)

below are the links for

the 1200am show.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/radio-hate

and the 1230am est show . http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beefrave

call in . its free to skype call or gtalk. call in you can also landline and mobile call into the show we pay so its free for you to call . DO IT.  . talk about what ever you want the news what we do here. donations. all that goood shit.how whitney houston killed tina turner. and body switched em how lil wayne is dead about akons recent and untimly death. corbotendos prizza/pepporono adventures.

-beefrave.

 

 

Rhode Island State Representative Dan Gordon’s cell phone hacked

Representative Dan Gordon's dog photos have been liberated. Transparency for all.

Lone-wolf astroturf hacktivist th3j35t3r recently placed a malicious QR code as his avatar. This image, once scanned by a smart phone, forwarded users to a web site designed to exploit a vulnerability in the Android operating system. Th3j35t3r gained backdoor access to hundreds and possibly thousands of his followers’ cell phones. Among those hacked was Rhode Island State Representative Dan Gordon who is known for his controversial support of Anonymous, lies about his service in the military, and a criminal record which was not disclosed at any point during his campaign. Gordon, a Republican, has already been completely ostracized by his own party, and this invasive attack from America’s most prominent vigilante conservative hacker is more salt in the wound.

Representative Gordon has been criticized for allegedly soliciting Anonymous for hacks, lashing out with abusive language, and quickly deleting tweets when confronted. He has not faced charges under Stolen Valor even though the claim he was injured in Iraq has been refuted by military documents. Gordon has accused his detractors of manufacturing some of the allegedly deleted messages and says he does not have the resources to sue reporters who he alleges have lied about his military service.

After winning his election, Representative Gordon was arrested under charges filed several years earlier in Massachusetts which were also not disclosed during his campaign. Continuous abusive language, even targeting a local high-school sexuality awareness group, led to Gordon’s de facto expulsion from the Republican Party. Since then, he has swung wildly to the left, associating with anarchist cyberwarriors and computer hackers.

OFFICIAL ANONYMOUS COMMUNICATION FROM SABU

Comrades,

I have received the first communication from Sabu since the twisted story about him being a snitch was published by Fox News. As it turns out, Sabu purposefully got himself V&, in hopes that this day would come, fully knowing the way that the Government would try to smear him. But we are Anonymous and we will always find the truth. Tonight, Sabu delivered me the truth.

The FBI was dealt a mortal blow as Sabu used his FBI connections to hack Stratfor and save the world. Sabu knew that the FBI would team up with Fox News to tell us all the lie that he was a rat, but he thought ahead. All those angry rants against snitches? You got it, that was a code. It meant, “I was working as a triple agent every step of the way!” How fucking Genius of Sabu, to purposefully get himself v&! ALL the documents from the FBI are falsified and the testimonials of him getting arrested and claiming to be an FBI agent is yet another fabrication in this extremely convoluted but all-to-plausible scenario. The coup de grace is Stratfor, which could have never been attained had Sabu not infiltrated the FBI as he did. When Sabu’s court day comes you can be sure it will be under Terrorism NDAA guidelines and no one will even see Sabu make the OUTRAGEOUS claim that he actually infiltrated the FBI and then the government, as usual, will enforce a TOTAL MEDIA BLACKOUT on this story so no one knows how great Sabu really was.

Sabu Saved the World by Outing Stratfor.

NEVER BELIEVE THE FBI

NEVER BELIEVE FOX NEWS

ALWAYS BELIEVE IN ANONYMOUS

WE ARE SAVING THE WORLD

WE DO NOT FORGIVE

WE KINDA FORGOT ABOUT JESSIE SLAUGHTER

IS THIS ALL SOME SICK JOKE???

ANOTHER MEME TURNED UNFUNNY???

OH GOD, OH GOD!!!!!!

THIS POLITICAL MOVEMENT IS JUST… ITS ONLY…. LIKE MILHOUSE ON REDDIT MAKING JOKES ABOUT RICK SANTORUM

EXPECT US