Mothman, the unparalleled bad omen, was spotted landing on the White House as Donald Trump was inaugurated.
INTERNET — As President Donald Trump was sworn in at the Lincoln memorial, Benjamin Price was one of the few photographers not in attendance. A photo of what he called, “a tremendous, dark, winged creature” landing on top of the White House has gone viral, with Roseanne calling it ‘the mothman’ in a tweetstorm heralding the very end.
The mothman was last spotted in 1967, landing on the Silver Bridge before it collapsed, killing 46 people.
While many say that the viral “Mothman” photo is only a confused heron, most on social media agree this is a prophecy of doom not only for the president, but for the entire nation. “When Mothman lands on the White House that means it’s the end, and it ain’t just the end for him. This is for all of America, and it’s coming sooner rather than later,” said former Trump supporter and famous West Virginian Jesco White. “We’s all already dead because we’ve been fooled by the devil.”
Reportedly, mothman’s landing took place at the exact moment Trump officially became president. Famous columnist and novelist Laurie Penny tweeted that she began her period “with a vengeance,” at this moment as well, perhaps affected by the gaze of the mothman.
Further sightings of the mothman have been reported as the evil creature shifts through the haze of teargas making his way back to the safe harbors of the Appalachians.
“I think he don’t like what we’ve done to these mountains,” White said. “He’s just letting us know he’s got something real bad in store for us.”
Trump unveils plans for a wall to divide America
INTERNET– Donald Trump’s spokesperson Kellyanne Conway unveiled a “huge” new plan for a series of walls that will not only secure the Mexican border, but every single state border as well.
“With states like Colorado and California providing sanctuary cities for illegals and openly trafficking in illegal drugs, it’s not enough to build just one small wall,” Kellyanne Conway told reporters on CNN. “We’ve been looking at a more ambitious program to build walls on state borders, too. In some places we’re even looking at walls around counties, towns, or cities.”
Political scientist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “Trump and his sons are going to cash in majorly on what promises to be the biggest building program of all time. They’re going to build a grid of walls across the entire nation, the equivalent of 10,000 Great Walls of China. By restricting the movement of citizens in this way, Trump will be able to effectively sanction local governments. By the time they’re done outlining every county, they’ll probably keep building and building. Walls around neighborhoods, walls around homes, walls inside of homes dividing up families.”
Trump’s spokesperson also hinted to reporters at CNN on future plans for an “Atlantic Wall” that will line the coasts and prevent any possibility of invasion or illegal migration through the ocean.
EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump promises to end chemtrails, vaccines, ISIS, and crooked Hillary on his very first day in office!
INTERNET — Donald Trump took to twitter Monday, tweetstorming fans “My very first executive order will END the chemtrailing across America. #MAGA”
Trump’s controversial tweets were deleted within an hour of posting.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, lead chemtrail engineer under Obama, told reporters, “Geoengineering with chemtrails is the only thing keeping away catastrophic climate change. Yes, it’s costly both to our health, government, and environment, but it’s better than failing farms and outright starvation.”
Trump also tweeted, “I will END autism in America by banning all vaccinations on my very first day in office.” The other day Trump’s transition team tapped famous anti-vaxxer Dr. Oz for Surgeon General.
Trump has critics fearing for their lives with his final tweet, “We have a very special surprise for THE MEDIA, CROOKED HILLARY, and ISIS! #MAGA” suggesting a crackdown on political opponents by associating them with terrorism. Previously, Trump has hinted at the return of internment camps for all Muslims and Mexicans, although this is the first hint that journalists and political opponents will be targets of his totalitarian takeover.
Trump offered a symbolic ‘reset’ with Putin as a sign of friendship.
INTERNET — Donald Trump presented Vladimir Putin with a symbolic “reset button” as a gesture of restoration of friendly relations with Russia. After pressing the button at Trump’s tropical Mar-A-Lago resort, the pair grabbed rifles and rode off into Florida’s interior on a fan boat. Returning twelve hours later with twelve alligator corpses, Trump said, “Part of our deal is that Putin’s got to try out my golf course next time.”
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a nearly identical gesture in 2009, which was later proclaimed a horrible failure that only enabled the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the proliferation of advanced Russian weaponry in the middle east.
Donald Trump’s “reset button,” however, is seen as an entirely different gesture since it’s become clear that Russia’s recalcitrant foreign policies will only be encouraged in this manner. Geopolitical relationship counselor Dr. Angstrom Hubert Troubador told Internet Chronicle reporters, “Trump and Putin’s friendship seems unstable. They’re in that honeymoon stage that wears off so quickly, and it’s all founded on mutual interests that are, at best, momentary. They both hate Hillary, sure, but they also love her. Why else are they celebrating and mocking her efforts in this way? She’s the centerpiece of their relationship and it’s just weird and creepy at this point. I’d advise them to stop seeing each other and block one another’s accounts. Putin shouldn’t be reading Trump’s twitter account, either. That’s the only chance they have of ending things amicably at this point, in my professional opinion. It may be the only way to avert a nuclear war.”
Wikileaks release shows Trump’s inauguration marks the end of humanity as elites deploy the final chemtrail catalyst.
INTERNET — After WikiLeaks quietly cancelled Julian Assange’s Ask Me Anything segment on Reddit, WikiLeaks backup spokesperson Sarah Harrison came forward with startling new hacks showing the inside of the Trump campaign. Harrison said nothing to dispel rumors that Assange has been murdered, but fans have begun mourning after hearing the shocking revelations.
The Trump campaign plans to annihilate over 99% of the world’s population on inauguration day. Billions around the world are sick with “the flu” as their bodies have absorbed the proper dose of non-fatal precursor chemicals spread through decades of worldwide chemtrailing. The final catalyst will be sprayed on inauguration day, turning the entire earth into a holocaust death chamber. Only a specially selected group of elites who have taken decades of antidotes will survive. These elites were selected equally from all races in order to ensure a healthy breeding population and avoid genetic sicknesses inherent in such a dramatic population bottleneck. The purpose of the population control chemtrail program is to avert unavoidable famines and cataclysmic nuclear wars that will come even with the most dramatic green energy initiatives and likely leave no survivors.
Analysts have pointed out the bitter irony that Trump publicly stands against racial diversity and green energy, keys to human survival, and that his victory in the presidential election justifies the policy of mass murder for the elites. Sarah Harrison told reporters, “From the point of view of the elites, you asked for this. You voted for this. We published, and now we’re damned.”
Milo: “Being gay is wrong.”
INTERNET — Banned Twitter bad boy & right wing homosexual Milo Yiannopoolis held a press conference to announce a reality TV show that will follow his tragic struggle with homosexuality in a grueling gay conversion camp. “I can’t promise that it’ll work, but I hope it does. I want to be cured before I fall victim to disease,” Yiannapoilis said, “But that’s not right. I — I keep forgetting. It’s a choice I’m making. Being gay is wrong.”
Weeping openly as he embraced Pastor Tom Stanley of the Nemelkist Church of Advanced God, Yiannapoulos said, “All this time I’ve been afraid of ISIS taking my freedom and faggotr– I can’t even…appreciate…” Trailing off for several seconds inaudibly, the internet star stared into his phone. Cutting off the pastor’s feeble attempt to break the silence, Milo announced, “To let everyone know I mean it, I’m ebaying my collection of buttplugs!” Photographers wildly jockeyed to get shots as he held up his phone to show that it wasn’t just a prank.
Representatives from Nemelka’s Gay Conversion Ranch were contacted by famed editor emeritus Ol’ Brutus, but they would not comment despite getting the business for over three hours straight. The Nemelkist web site advertises its conversion therapy in infinitely reaching superlatives, “The Nemelkist gay conversion camp uses the most Advanced methods available to science, philosophy, and religion ever devised in the entire history of the universe and through use of an app given to us by advanced human beings, living in the future, we can request incredible, instantaneous brain surgeries which will perfectly heal one’s entire personality upon demand. Nobody leaves without a certificate of Advanced Brain Surgery handed to him or her by the prophet Nemelka himself!”
STOCKHOLM – After months of rigorous study, discussion and thought experiments, researchers from Lebal Drocer Laboratories, a news analysis think tank, concluded in a white paper released Wednesday that “all news is fake news” under a revised definition of the term ‘fake news.’
Fake news is information that is not news, the conclusion states, because no one wants to hear it and it doesn’t bring clicks.
“The words fake and real are falling quickly out of fashion,” said leading news expert Angstrom H. Troubadour, a pioneer in the fake news field of study. “But I’ll tell you this right now, and it’s the truth: There ain’t no such as thing as real news. That real news is a lie. It’s garbage. It’s trash. It’s fake.”
Troubadour gently explained that readerships suffer from fake news, especially that found in print-online publications, where critical facts and narrative-altering details are ignored by TV entertainment news because they simply aren’t true, and have therefore failed to earn their place on the global stage among real news networks such as CNN, FOX News, MSNBC and The Drudge Report.
Because Journalism is the first draft of history.
And history is written by the victors!
USA! USA! USA! CNN! USA! USE! MEXICO! HELP ME OUT! OF MY LOW! SELF ESTEEM! USA! USA! NSA!
I said, damn, that’s good cocaine.
“Now, I don’t need to tell you where to go for the real news,” Doc Trouble said. “I suppose since you’re listening to me, you’re already hearing it. You’re hearing the real news right now – better not be reading it.”
Jake Davis, whose name appears on the Lebal Drocer Labs paper, said fake news can come from anywhere, leading to real confusion.
“There’s fake news on fake sites, there’s real fake news on fake real sites, then there’s fake fake news on real fake sites,” Jake said. “If you can’t tell the difference between real fake news and fake fake news, you might be a victim of the real fake algorithms.”
After Facebook made it acceptable to label unwanted information, a cabal of fake news writers are determined to erode the little bit of integrity left in the journalism field. Even The Internet Chronicle has come under fire from hate groups that seek to tarnish your reality with differing versions of their own. Which reality will win?
Stay tuned to find out the answer to all this and more. Take your TerrorMax, and always be on the lookout for more real fake news from your favorite fake real news site, The Internet Chronicle!
Chronicle.su is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.
Is this the face of a man who thinks he can absorb gorilla souls through ritual?
INTERNET — New reports, first published by Julian Assange of Wikileaks, show documents containing details of illegal infant gorilla transactions during Cernovich’s “hunting trip” to Namibia this summer. The gorillas, referred to with racial slurs in coded e-mails, were not taken to zoos as promised. Investigators found that no zoos anywhere in the world received any gorillas from Mike Cernovich. The emails suggest the author bought the endangered infants for over seven million dollars, nearly half of the takings from his bestselling novel, Gorilla Mindset.
Monday, Cernovich tweeted accusations that all democrats rape and eat children as part of a widespread soul-absorbing satanism ritual. The self-described “journalist” similarly believes that acting like a gorilla bestows virile power upon practitioners of his belief system. Fans and haters alike wanted to know just why Mike Cernovich, a man who believes in the absorption of souls through rape and murder, is purchasing infant gorillas that have mysteriously disappeared from the market.
Criminal Psychologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters, “Isn’t it obvious? There’s enough evidence to convict him but they won’t, not now that Trump’s in power. This is a man who raped and then ate infant gorillas, an endangered species. He probably ate their balls raw in some protein milkshake after pumping iron. I mean we don’t know he did it, but he did it. I mean you know it. Or think about it for a bit, doesn’t it make sense? Doesn’t at least one or two bits of the mountain of evidence ring true? The creep thinks he has magic gorilla powers and can just accuse anyone of baby raping and get away with it. Just trying to cover his tracks, I say. Many are saying he even penetrates his ass with the gorilla’s intestines, full of gorilla feces, calling them ‘hotdogs’ in his twisted e-mail code. He grills them and eats them afterwards. Disgusting, eh? I’ve read his e-mails, all of them. You and I both know WikiLeaks has never, will never, simply cannot tell a lie. They’re vetted. They’re Real News, not Fake. And let me tell you, if it is true, he’s one sick fucker. This is the kind of behavior that even Freud couldn’t analyze. If there is a hell, this creep is going straight to Harambe for an eternity of justice.”
To everyone’s pleasant surprise, EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON took control of the entire world Tuesday.
NEW YORK – Inhabitants of planet Earth knelt before the omnipotent ruler of everything Tuesday, EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON, our new benevolent master.
EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON is pleased to announce the creation of a SPAWNING POOL from His dimension, which experts believe will play a crucial role in the new, mandatory 60-hour work week scheduled immediately.
New bylaws introduced by Arbiter of Order EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON restrict unpleasant behaviors such as thievery, busking or begging.
All criminals are now subject to the correctional brutality of a furnace of rotating gears, shafts, cranks and pistons that grind these toxic people into dust and reconstitute them into poison gas for healing the rest of our planet of dangerous biological impurity.
Citizens fawn and celebrate their beautiful New Leader, entertaining not so much as the thought of resisting Him.
EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON warmly greeted an audience from atop his throne of rare pygmy bones, and consumed his strongest supporters with fervor and grace. Applause ripped through the auditorium and surged across a sea, flooding Haiti.
Haiti resolutely sacrificed themselves in His Honor. EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON uttered his catchphrase: “DEATH TO ALL NONBELIEVERS!”
Thank you, Haiti.
HAIL EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON
This article is brought to you proudly by EMPEROR LORD SOVCHRON. Death to all nonbelievers.
Most people just think they’re pedophiles, but the elites “cooked” up that laughable story to hide the horrible truth. They’re eating your abducted and aborted baby souls.
INTERNET — Thanks to Wikileaks new documents have come forth describing the ultimate and final conspiracy, Pizzagate. Only as its jaws have closed around us do we see the beast. An insider document, leaked in a comment on Reddit, proved that elites absorb the scientifically proven “seat of the soul” of up to thirty babies on one pizza. There is an entire industry set up behind the polite exterior of the US food industry, a secret holocaust of child murder and abortion. After babies are aborted, their pineal glands are harvested and processed by Planned Parenthood’s front operations at every major food corporation. These processed human glands are not only included on top of pizzas at parties for elites. The following may be shocking and unthinkable, as if out of a dystopian novel, but it is proven true through empirical testing and evidence. Traces of baby souls, the chemical DMT, are included in nearly all food products in the United States.
DMT, the so called “spirit molecule,” is the scientific, proven apple of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. When taking a DMT trip, practitioners feel they are given the knowledge and experience of God himself. This deception is the purest manifestation of the devil and is an addiction that drives elites towards cataclysm.
Globalist elites purposefully hide the residue of baby soul molecules in all cooking oils and processed foods, often labeled as Natural Flavoring. Putting baby souls into the food and drink supply turns all Americans slightly satanist, so that they will worship their satanic leaders, such as Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and yes – even Bernie. It causes urges to fornicate, especially without the protection of condoms. The so-called soul glut in the latest years has flooded the market and is attributed by some to Miley Cyrus. Ultimately the soul glut was caused by an incredible spike in teenage pregnancy and abortions, and addicts like Hillary Clinton have been getting very sick from overdose. Rumors have spread that Trump is the “Keith Richards” of baby soul abuse, and elites chose him to be president because the doses he takes would kill most anyone else. Another famed elite, Alex Jones, is one of the few who can hang with Trump. Jones is an evangelist elite who uses clever tricks and reverse psychology to recruit hundreds and thousands into becoming satanist, globalist elites. Impartial tests of emergency rations obtained from Infowars shows that they’re so full of baby souls that eating one can a day can rival the DMT intake elites only dreamed of back in the 60’s and 70’s.
As the scientists have found new ways to increase the density of DMT crystals, an increase in demand has volatilized the glutted soul markets of the nuclear proliferated global death camp. Among elites, the concern is that soon the stopgap souls out of Syria and Iraq will dry up with demand higher than ever. While a handful of revolutionary processes have transformed shipping, purity, and quality of the product and may forestall the outbreak of a major nuclear war, new experimental endeavors stretch the market even farther. The hope among elites is that Trump will fire some nukes off in any old direction to grab enough souls so that the final scientific breakthroughs can be made. Elites believe these experiments will unveil the universal theory of science that can turn man into God himself. Through a process of applying extreme pressure in near absolute-zero temperatures, DMT crystals transform into a Bose-Einstein condensate which “transcends” known physics, opening small wormholes to a frightening apocalyptic world that might be hell or even satan’s lair, which scientists believe they can harness for green energy independence. To create a network of permanent, human-sized energy portals to this other world, elites are preparing a massive world war with a quota of three billion souls to complete the soul condensate wormholes to hell. Already, some demons and undead humans have passed back and forth through prototype gateways, and have been deployed in the experimental reactors of Zumwalt class ships.